Utterly Confused About You
by Svaler
Summary: Bella lives in fear and agony. The images of the past haunt her. For her final year of high school she goes back to Forks. Her nightmares continue and she's a bit too lost to be saved. OOC and dark. Two version.
1. Dread

**25/03/2012**

**A/N: This story had been placed under 'unfinished version Mistreated'. I have another version of this story called Mistreated with a beta.**

**Then I thought, I can't quit _this_ story. I'd be letting all the people down who actually loved this crazy story.**

**Therefor I will continue placing chapters, but don't forget, this is another version, with Bella and Edward being way more different then the other version of Mistreated.**

**Also, I had to change the title, so this story is no longer called Mistreated or unfinished version Mistreated.**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **The charachters are Stephenie Meyer's.

**A/N: **I wanted a story with a Bella, bullied by the Cullens and when she returns, she's not a famous model. This one will be completely different. There is no revenge. It's not a drama story. Just Bella facing them after being chased away.

* * *

**1. Dread**

"Swan!" he called. I shut my eyes tightly. Don't let this happen again. I've been so anxious the entire day, and it was three o'clock now. Dad would come and pick me up after fifteen minutes.

I had hoped so badly none if it would happen today. That they would ignore me, or better, forget me, for just this day.

_I had hoped._

"Chicken, don't run away so fast," Rosalie called. "I have a small surprise for you today." She called.

Slowly, I turned around. It weren't just Edward and Rosalie approaching me. Emmett, Tanya and Lauren were there as well.

_All of them._

We'll they weren't the only ones, but they were the worst.

She held up a tall, familiar looking thing. Dad never smoked, but I recognize cigarettes. She hid it in her pocket and walked in front of me, while the others were behind me, pushing me in the direction she was walking.

_She's nine! Who gave her a cigarette?_

We were walking to the girls loo and she opened the door while the others gave me a final push inside. She was walking all the way to the end and someone was still pushing me, forcing me to follow.

She put it on her lips and lit it on. Then she handed it to me.

"I want to see you smoke it all," she demanded in a bitchy voice. A little smoke came out of her mouth as she talked.

"I-I don...don't s-smoke," I stuttered but she pushed it between my fingers and my eyes widened.

"I said, smoke it!" she yelled furiously. I glanced back at the door, only to see Emmett was leaning against it. Tanya and Lauren came be, gave me a hard push and stood next to Rosalie.

Edward was standing behind me, his merciless eyes staring at me.

Suddenly, he spoke again. "Smoke, or we'll wait until you smoke _two_!"

"But... but... I have to go," I nervously replied, with tears in my eyes. Both of his eyebrows rose.

My face violently jerked to the side while a hard smash echoed through the room. I felt a sting on my cheek. One of them had slapped me, but I didn't dare to look at the girls.

"I'll slap that ugly face again," Tanya sneered, while I could see that she was holding her hand up.

"Please,' I whispered, as tears streamed down my face. "Smoking is bad."

"That's why we demand it," Lauren replied. She eyed the cigarette and nudged Rosalie. She pointed at the cigarette still between my fingers and Rosalie looked down as well.

I didn't look, but the smell was making me sick.

"If you don't start smoking, we'll kick the shit out of you now and come back tomorrow with two cigarettes," Rosalie angrily said.

"No, please don't," I said, fearing them extremely.

"Smoke," she demanded.

I brought the cigarette up and stared at it, while it was in front of my lips. I couldn't do this! I was only eight! They were one year older then me! I really couldn't smoke it. Tears were still flooding down my cheeks.

"I can't," I replied nervously, sounding very ashamed.

Rosalie sighed and snatched the cigarette out of my hand.

"Stupid _belly_," she said, glaring at me. She used that nickname a lot. It took me two seconds to realize that she was pressing the cigarette end against my stomach and even though I was wearing a sweater, it hadn't gone out and the heat touched my stomach.

"Aargh!" I yelled, walking backward, only to be stopped by Edward.

Then the heat was gone, but I was still crying and afraid to look her in the eye.

I was humiliated. I was afraid. I wanted them to leave me alone.

"Tomorrow," she started, pushing her finger repeatedly against my shoulder, "we'll be back. And you'll smoke. Got that?" She pushed once more against the very soar spot on my shoulder again, until she marched to the door and Edward was no longer behind me. The two bimbos in front of me, followed and when I turned, the door just started to close.

I looked down and saw a small whole in my sweater and my skin was a red from where the cigarette had touched me. They had ruined my beautiful sweater.

Quickly, I brushed away the tears and picked up my small bag that was lying close to the door. I had forgotten about its existence, but I picked it up and ran outside. I hoped I wasn't too late and Daddy hadn't been waiting too long.

His police car was easily recognisable. I loved how my Dad was a police officer. He did good things. He caught all the bad. That's what police men did.

Rosalie and Edward and all the others were soon forgotten by me.

I smiled when I saw Dad and he gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Hey," he said cheerfully.

I smiled at him. "Hi!"

"How was school?" He started driving us home and I told him all about my friends, and that we had played different games, laughed uncontrollably, run after each other, made the easy homework and played more while we waited until our parents picked us up.

Of course, that wasn't reality.

Reality was that I had lived in fear since eight thirty in the morning, hoping and praying to God that today would be a normal day. I had made my homework and eaten lunch in the toilet. After my last class, drawing, I had gone to walk outside, until the little gang forced me to smoke.

What I just told Daddy, was my imagination. My dream and the stuff I hoped for.

At home, in the evening, Daddy called me, while I was playing with my dollies.

"Isabella Swan!"

I scowled a little and got a little nervous. He sounded angry, but why? Maybe he found out about my lies. Maybe he knew I didn't have friends and... I didn't know, but I ran downstairs and met him in the kitchen.

He was holding my small school bag and in the other hand a packet of cigarettes.

"Daddy?" I asked, looking at the packet with big eyes. Where did those come from?

"Isabella Swan, _what _is this?" he asked. He was furious. His face was read and his hearth must have had the same rate as mine had now.

"I don't know!" I said, tears starting to run down my cheeks again this day. He eyed me suspiciously.

"This afternoon, I did smell smoke, but I thought it was just some teachers smoke on you. _Are you smoking, Isabella?_"

"Dad, no," I cried out. I was only eight! I'm not a smoker! "I don't know why they are in my bag, someone must have put them there, mistaken my bag for theirs!" I said, impressed by myself for coming up with a lie so fast.

"_Another kid your age smokes?_" He shook his head. "Then why did I smell smoke earlier this day?" His voice wasn't the furious one anymore, but still suspicious and slightly angry. But I heard doubt.

"You said so yourself, I was outside and a few teachers were smoking, Daddy!" I replied, wiping away the tears. They were unnecessary. I had to lie.

He scowled deeply, staring at the cigarettes and then dumping in the bin.

"You don't smoke, Bella?" he asked much calmer now.

"I have never," I replied honestly.

_Tomorrow, we'll be back. And you'll smoke. Got that?_

I had to avoid them at best. I couldn't smoke, not for them. And I couldn't afford to lose another sweater. I had tried to fix the whole, but ended up throwing it somewhere deep in my closest. I couldn't just throw it away. I kept it. Maybe I could sleep in at after a few months.

_I don't know._

The next day, I startled when a hand came on my shoulder.

_Alice._

"Hi," she said a little shyly.

"Alice," Edward barked, stalking over to his sister. He watched me filthily until turning back to her. "What are you doing? Hanging out with the smokers now?"

"What?" Alice asked confused.

"The moron smokes," rolling his eyes towards me and Alice scowled.

She shook her head. "No, Edward, she doesn't."

"Yes, she does. She's a bad influence. I saw her. She was high from it all. Stay away from her." He grabbed her arm and pushed her away. Alice left slowly.

Edward smirked and left as well.

Alice didn't talk to me again that day. Not that she every talked, but there was no more greetings anymore. She looked a little ashamed at times. But she didn't seem to like or care about me anymore.

I had officially nothing anymore.

That same day, I had ran towards the exit, at three o'clock, but I was grabbed, from the left and right.

I quickly looked, to see Emmett and Edward.

"You had not forgotten our little deal, now had you?" Edward asked in a angered voice. They quickly led me to the same toilet where Rosalie, Tanya and Lauren were already waiting. They were smoking, all three of them, passing one single cigarette between each other. They giggled, probably thinking they were cool.

"Look what we found!" Emmett said. "A forever lost, _fat_ tramp."

Rosalie grimaced. "So fat, indeed."

Was I fat?

I wasn't fat. I knew I wasn't. They were trying to mix my thoughts!

She came to stand in front of me and Edward and Emmett didn't let go of me. She pressed the cigarette between my lips and I tasted some smoke, but tried to breath mostly through my nose.

That's when she pinched it and also the side of my mouth, so I was forced to breath through my mouth..._ and taste the foulness._

I started coughing violently and they all laughed. I was released and was crying uncontrollably when suddenly the door behind me opened. I looked around but nobody was there anymore.

Behind me was standing a teacher and the ones I hated to most.

"We found her, Miss! She's here smoking and she's just a _kid_!" Rosalie said in her most innocent voice. My eyes widened, and I looked around because I still smelled smoke. That's when I saw the still lit cigarette.

It was right in front of my on the floor, the smoke coming straight on my face, in my nose.

"We knew she's smoking, because she asked us to join her," Lauren said, nodding her head.

"Yeah, but we said _no_!" Tanya finished.

"We thought we were friends with you," Emmett's voice said.

"Kids, thank you for informing me. Please leave now so I could have a word with Isabella."

"Of course," Edward replied. They left as she closed the door and pulled me up. She took my hand and led me to the principal.

There they called Daddy and he was of course furious.

Furious that I had lied last night.

Upset about me smoking.

He called Renee and put me, _an eight year old,_ along on the next plane and left me with Mom.

She grounded me for a month. Everyday to bed at seven. No television. Only books to read.

I read seventy three books that month. And realized I loved books. After I wasn't grounded anymore, I didn't watch television. I read books. Charles Dickens. Emily Bronte. Jane Austen. I loved them all.

The incident was forgotten, thankfully, after two months. Never brought up again and I talked regularly with Dad on the phone.

I made a few friend for the first time in my life, but never got close enough to anyone to call the a real friend, a friend for life.

And the year went by fast, while I read books, and pretended to be the girls in all the beautiful novels.

When I didn't read, I would be reminded of green evil eyes, or strawberry blond hair, or a particular big guy that looked like a bear or a beautiful monster girl.

I had nightmares. They never went. I bought a dream catcher when I was twelve, but I still had nightmares.

Up until the day I turned seventeen and still read books and still feared the nightmares. Sometimes the horrors they had done to me for years would be repeated and sometimes my own imagination would randomly make up things, like Edward shaving my head, or Rosalie punching me until I died. Or Lauren saying that I was wasting oxygen, but I laughed hysterically when I woke, because in real life, Lauren wouldn't know what oxygen is.

Sometimes, I forgot. The dreams my mind had made up would look so real, that I didn't know if it had really happened or not. And I just forgot. I tried to tell myself it was a dream made up by myself but I hated for not knowing or remembering.

Yeah, I was still haunted by each and one of them. In my dream. In my day dreams. Every night and day.

When I couldn't sleep, I'd read Fallen. I liked that book. I had probably read it too many times. But it was a more original book, a new one, not an classical one.

Also, when I turned seventeen, Charlie asked if I wanted to visit him. More like live with him.

"You could stay here, live here, go to school here." He had been so nervous.

As was I.

He had never brought up the cigarette incident again. And he probably had forgiven me, because kids are innocent. You can't hate an eight year old.

I was forgiven, yes. But, could I handle it? Going back to that place. The place where my tormenters lived. Where the kids lived that had made my life miserable, and still were, without knowing, probably. They had long forgotten about me. Sure they had. Why remember the fat, useless, brainless, boring, plane Bella Swan? They had surely not once thought about me.

I had been so nervous for a week. I had asked about a few girls at my school what they would think of if I finished school at my old school.

They thought it was great. They were happy for me. The way they were talking, made me feel like I was already forced to go away. Like I had no choice anymore.

"That is so exciting, I'm so happy for you!"

"_REALLY? _Wow, that's so cool, enjoy it there! Make pictures and send them!"

"Bella, honey." This girl had hugged me. "You'll see all of your friends again"

"I'll miss you, Bell. But you probably miss all those old friends in Forks."

"Say hi to Alec, Jane and all those others okay?"

"Yes, definitely say hi to them, say they aren't supposed to mess with you!"

I had smiled at each one of them and hugged them.

I had lied, of course, also to them. I had made up people and come up with names to pretend that I had friends in Forks. That I had never been bullied there. That everything was fine when I left and that the only reason I had shed tears, was because I didn't want to leave all those friends of mine.

Now, I felt like I was forced to be heading to Forks, as the plane landed and Dad greeted me and talked the entire way home to me. He didn't bother me while I went upstairs to my same old room.

I had been a little nervous, but Charlie did not once bring up what had happened nine years ago.

_Thank God._

I twisted and turned in bed. Before I came here, I had told Charlie not to tell anyone that I'd be coming back. I told him I wanted to surprise my friends.

He had held his word and I wondered how tomorrow would be like. Would they recognize me? Hate me? Question me? Chase me away again? Play tricks with me?

I was an easy target.

With that knowledge, I promised myself not to let that fact ruin me again.

Ruin me _more _I should say.

Being in this same bed, caused me to have at least five memories back.

_I was only six when Edward came to sit in front of me. It was our first meeting and I instantly noticed his dreamy, pretty coloured eyes._

_He scowled as he pushed himself closer and watched me closer._

_"Who are you?" I had asked._

_Suddenly, he smiled. It could have been beautiful. If he hadn't had that evil glint in his eyes. "Your worst nightmare."_

_Six months later, I had memorised well who was acquainted to who. Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were all living together, but they were adopted. Esme and Carlisle were the ones who adopted them. Alice and Jasper were kind of a couple, and they were never mean to me. Rosalie and Emmett liked each other too. Edward seemed to fancy Tanya. And Lauren was kind of left behind, but still friends with Rosalie and Tanya and maybe also a little with Alice._

_That day, I had started just a second too long at Edward. I had just had the courage, only because he hadn't looked at me. And I was freely staring at the side of his face._

_"Stupid retard," Tanya whispered. "What are you staring at?"_

_"I know," Lauren said. "Eddie!"_

_Tanya gasped, but it was fake. She ran, together with Lauren, screaming I had a crush on him._

_"Bella loves Edward, Bella loves Edward."_

_His head had snapped to me and when he glanced at the teacher, who was watching some other kids, he flipped me the bird. I had turned my back to all of them and had stared into space fifteen past three, when Daddy always picked me up._

_They didn't mock me many times about the fake crush, but at my birthday, when I turned seven, they somehow knew and came to me, all too innocently._

_"What?" I had asked nervously. By then, I had been through a lot. I hated when they neared me. It never meant anything well._

_"Nothing!" Rosalie had exaggerated, touching my hair with one finger and looking at it disgustingly. "Have you showered?"_

_"Y-yes,' I had stammered, remembering the unusual question._

_Emmett had burst out in laughter and from behind, Lauren had thrown something over my head. It felt thick and sticky as it ran down the side of my cheeks and I touched it with my fingers, only to see green paint on my fingers. My eyes had widened. They were all laughing._

_But I hadn't understood._

_Tanya had gladly explained. "It's paint, greasy. We thought we'd help you dye your hair. Don't you just love that? Happy birthday, smelly."_

I don't remember what I had done. I had lied so much to Charlie back then, but I think I told him that someone accidentally dropped paint and it landed on my head. I had also gotten rid of most if it in the toilet, but it was strong pain and my hair was finally brown again after two weeks.

_Then after the green had gone, they had gotten bored again. I remember how the ripped one of my drawing. I would have gotten such an high grade. But Edward had stolen it and I never saw it back. I received an F._

_They had also liked to bump into me, real hard. Emmett's hurt the most, but damn, was Rosalie strong and hard for a woman! She had always been taller then I had been. But sometimes, I hadn't been able to sleep on a side, simply because I was too soar._

This bed. It reminded me of too much.

Then, when I slept, it also gave me two fantastic nightmares.

_I was seven again and Edward somehow twenty. I never saw his face. But he gave me the same glares. Held me tightly, without allowing me to see that face. Pushing me around until someone else caught me and hurt me too. It gave me chills, because it was so quiet. I was scared and crying, but the two never stopped._

I didn't know who the second one was. But the dream changed.

_Rosalie was fifteen. She was yelling at me while I was on the floor. My nose was bleeding from where she had hit me. Lauren came by her side and Tanya stood by my head. She grabbed my head and slapped me on my face. She said I was ugly. Asked me why I was alive. Lauren held two scissors and handed one to Tanya. They cut off my hair and I couldn't do anything then cry and whimper as Tanya stood by me feet, glaring as if she was the world, and I... I was nothing. At the end, she held up a mirror and-_

I gasped as I woke up, sweat on my face and back.

_Shit._

Why did I have these nightmares? Why did my mind make these things up? I didn't even know a twenty year old Edward and I had never seen those girls when they were fifteen. Yet my mind knew what they had looked like.

_The same._

It was time for me to wake up anyway and suddenly the urge to call me in sick was big. But also too suspicious and Charlie would probably have questions.

So I got in the truck Charlie had given me, some guy named Jacob had sold it to him, and I was making my way to the ones that held power over me.

_No! Bella Swan, don't think like that! You are strong!_

"I am strong," I whispered in the car.

_You are funny._

"I'm funny."

_You will not let them walk over you._

"They won't walk over me."

_You are a strong woman, Bella!_

"I am strong," I whispered, but seeing my hands shake as I got closer to school.

_You are an adult and will handle this situation._

"I'm just a child and will not quite sure if I can handle this," I whispered, seeing people around me, but not really.

_You are not afraid, Bella! Lauren doesn't have a brain. Rosalie is ugly. Tanya's hair colour is hideous. Emmett is fat. Edward has ugly eyes._

"I'm afraid. Lauren must have gotten smarter. Rosalie's beautiful. Tanya has a natural hair colour to be jealous off. Emmett isn't fat, he's trained well and has muscles and Edward... how can they be ugly?" I whispered while doing my best not to cry.

_You shall not cry over them! Not one single tear! Do you hear me? BELLA, it is over. They will leave you alone, because you will tell them to piss off. Yes, you will._

I wiped away the few tears that were still close to my eyes and had not yet fallen.

For the first time, I looked around and indeed, a few people were looking. The truck was loud and big. Nobody had probably ever seen it. I had secretly hoped it used to be one of the student, but I guessed it wasn't.

I had a plain black bag. I had wore a light brown skirt that reached still above my knees, with brown boots, and the leg warmers were poking out the ends of the boots, they were black. I liked the effect they had. I had also put on a black, thick panty hose, so I wouldn't get cold. The skirt came high up my waist and I had wore a blouse that had the material that jeans had, only it was thinner. I had put the ends in the skirt and hoped I looked alright. My hair was loose and tall, coming over my shoulders.

The only other thing I had put on was a little mascara. That was it.

It was now or never. Face them. Perhaps talk to them. And hear them insult me.

Now or never.

_Now or never._

"_SHIT!_" I yelled when a guy I didn't recognize knocked on my window. His broad smile disappeared when I yelled.

Yeah, what kind of a reaction is that? I opened the door.

"Hi, I'm Mike," he said. "I've never seen you here before."

"Hi," I said, staring at him.

Mike. I knew Mike. Wow, had he changed!

"I'm, eh..."

He raised one eyebrow.

_Bella Swan. _"Jane. Jane Volturi." I used the name I had made up to my friends in Phoenix. I couldn't let them know. Not yet. "Nice to meet you," I said, shaking hand with him. "So what's this school like, since I'm going to go here too. Will I have nice classmates?"

I wondered if they actually were still on this school.

He laughed once and shook his head.

"Yeah, let's start with the girls. Which year will you be going?"

"Last."

"Excellent. Well, we have Rosalie. She's a bitch. Don't talk to her, don't even near her. Then there's Tanya. There's only one girl with that kind of hair. This blond with a strange orange in it, I don't know. Rosalie, by the way, is a goddess, and you'll recognize her soon as well. Then there's Lauren. She's blond and she'll be with either Rosalie or Tanya." He stood in front of me to slowly say, "Stay. Away. From. Them."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.

"Then the guys. Be careful around Emmett, he might break a bone or six of yours if standing a foot too close. Those arms..." He shuddered. "Jasper is his brother, but he's okay, as is Alice. The last brother," he shook his head, "_Edward..._" He seemed to be deep in thought.

I wanted to tell him something again, but he smoothly cut me off.

Again.

"He slept with four girls I'm sure off, and the rest I don't know, but if you want to believe gossip, the rate will go up to nine girls. You see, I've only had two girlfriends in my life, and I broke off with both off them when they had actually taken Edward to their beds and were moaning his name out loud. I had opened the door. First time I was pissed. That was one year ago. Second time I felt like an idiot. And a felt a strange sense of déjà vu."

After a few second, he went on.

"The second girlfriend was two months ago." I eyed him, carefully and he smiled.

He seemed to give me a few second to allow me to say something. "Still heart broken?"

"Nah," he said with a shrug. "He's an ass and she's a slut. They both were, both Jessica and Lauren."

"Lauren?" I asked in horror.

He laughed. "You're quick at memorizing names. _Yes,_ Lauren, she was nice at the time."

Now I shuddered.

"It's strange to invite your boyfriend over when you know you're cheating on him," he said. I felt sorry for him. Edward had turned even more cruel, in different ways. It had happened to Mike twice. "He was an strange colour of hair as well, so when you see that, don't near him. It's for your own good, trust me, Jane."

I smiled a little, hating for lying to him, because he'd find out, sooner of later.

"I thought," I began with a smile, "you were going to tell me if I have nice classmates. Usually people would say who the nice ones are."

"Yeah," he replied sheepishly. "Just figured the warning was more important."

I smiled and nodded again. I told him I'd go alone to the administration and he luckily left me.

"Hello?" I said. "I'm the new student," I said nervously.

"Oh?" she asked, watching me up and down.

"Yes, I live at Charlie's place, I don't know if you remember Bella Swan? I'm her friend and I came here to finish high school." Lies, more lies, and I regretted them already.

"Name, please?" she asked.

"Jane Volturi,' I whispered. I was so screwed.

"A little louder please."

I repeated the name.

"Well, I'll need some ID the next time, just to put you in the system and I'll call Charlie as well. Just rules, sweetheart."

"Yes, okay," I mumbled, "but Charlie will be gone for a few days. You better try next week."

She thanked me for the tip and I wanted to die.

She already gave me a plain study schedule after I told her which subject I was taking and I walked to my first class. English.

While I was walking, I noticed a very big guy in front of me. _Emmett._

And I saw that colour nobody else had. _Tanya._

And at last, next to her, was the goddess everyone wanted to be, but never could. _Rosalie_.

They went into the classroom which, according to the schedule, was my class as well.

I breathed in and held my breath.

_It will by okay._

Another lie, I was sure.


	2. Aware

**Disclaimer: **The characters are Stephenie Meyer's.

**A/N: **I'm sick :( didn't go to school today and I really feel like my head and nose is filled with sponges, yuck. I feel slightly better now, and I saw already many people putting it on alert :D thanks :)

* * *

**2. Aware**

I stepped into the classroom and many kids had already taken place. I first went to the teacher and told him my fake name. I blushed while doing so, but he told me not to be nervous and told me to sit next to Angela. His name was Mr. Mason.

"Angela?" I asked surprised, as I spun around and found the dark haired girl with a cute pair of glasses. She had been very nice to me at times. I had never called her my friend, but just like Alice, she had never been cruel. That was a few other people's job, whom I was now trying to avoid eye contact with.

When I was seated next to her, surely all eyes had landed on me.

_Do they recognize me? _I peeked up, to catch a few unfamiliar eyes. _Do they?_

I wanted to slap my own face, because of course it didn't matter. They _would _find out. Now or tomorrow, but with no doubt my deadline was next week.

"Hi," Angela said from next to me with her soft voice. "My name is Angela."

I put a smile on my face and looked her in the eye. She was a pretty girl, yes. I wondered why she was sitting alone. "Hi, Angela, I'm B-Jane," I said, quickly extending my hand to try and smoothly not let her think I had almost said something else. She merely took my hand and shook it.

"I didn't know we were going to have someone new at school," she said and I nervously laughed.

"No, yes, well, I didn't have much time and everything went rather fast. If you'd had asked me a few days ago where'd I'd be sitting right now, trust me, it wouldn't have been in a classroom at high school Forks."

She freely laughed, covering her mouth with her hand when a few started to turn their heads towards us. I noticed the teacher had begun, and slowly, our conversation died out. I was taking notes and went to next class. Art.

"Hi!" a tiny girl with short black hair enthusiastically said from next to me. "You're Jane, right?" she asked. I nodded my head. She looked so familiar. Who was she? I tried to remember the girls with black hair, when she gave me her name. "I'm Alice Cullen, nice meeting you. I can't wait to hear all about you. It must be scary, being at a totally new place in the middle of the school year!"

I froze. Scary, yes, but not totally new. _I wished. _But that's not why I froze. This was Alice _Cullen_. Talking to me, right now. Crap.

I gave her a timid smile and sat down. She plopped down next to me and pulled out her art book. I wondered where I'd be able to buy all the books.

"Did your school work with this book as well?" she asked, when she caught me staring at the probably five hundred paged book.

"No." _I think my manners left me._

It didn't seem like she minded or even cared. "I have a spare book, you could have it," she offered. "My sister never used it and now she doesn't have art anymore. She never liked the subject. Instead she has Spanish now."

I nodded my head. "Thanks." It didn't look like a cheap book so I could use hers, and eventually give it back.

Then something in my mind registered. _Her sisters book._

"No, wait, it's not necessary, because I'm going to have to buy a bunch of new books anyway and those few extra dollars are really nothing."

She scowled. "It's really no trouble at-"

"No."

"Rosalie really won't mind, she's my sis-"

"I said no," I snapped one more time, and she shut her mouth.

I had Trig, something that was not my favorite subject. Somehow, I did always manage to get B's, and I called it luck that would someday vanish.

Not so many people were there yet and I sat in the end of the classroom after quickly giving my teacher my name.

Rosalie walked in. Damn the supermodel. Behind her was Tanya with that color hair that looked like fire. It had even haunted me once in one of my nightmares. Her hair had been suffocating me. I shivered at the memory. The next girl I assumed was Lauren and somebody else was among them. I hadn't forgotten Jessica's name, Mike's ex. This could have been her. She was blond too.

Tanya and Rosalie sat at the table in front of me. The ones I assumed that were Lauren and Jessica, sat in front of Tanya and Rosalie.

And they all turned around to face me. Tanya spoke first.

"New here?"

I nodded my head, while playing with the ends of my bag.

"Where are you from?"

"Phoenix."

All of their mouths fell open. "You mean, incredibly hot Phoenix that gives you a gorgeous mother fucking tan?" Tanya said, looking at her arms, which were already rather brown.

"Why would you come here if you could live _there_?" Rosalie asked, watching her arms as well.

"It's a really long, boring story," I said, praying to God they would not recognize my face, my voice or even the way I walked or dressed.

They all nodded their hands.

"Well, I'm Tanya, this is Rosalie, Lauren and Jessica. You are?" She was smiling but my lips stayed the same. Very straight.

"Jane."

_Please shut up now, please leave me alone._

"Where do you live, Jane?" Rosalie said, smiling as well.

I sighed. Why didn't they stop? "I live with my Dad," I said slowly and thankfully, Jessica interrupted me with some strange comment about one of her hair ends splitting and the teacher began shortly after.

"I love your outfit," Rosalie whispered to me.

I didn't reply. If only she knew my real name... She would probably laugh her ass off.

Quickly after that class, I left them, going to Spanish. They didn't sit so close to me this time.

Strangely, I was very calm. Maybe my mind was somewhere else. There were still Edward and Emmett who hadn't talked to me.

Heck, there was still Edward whom I had to _see_!

Spanish was boring. I knew most of it already and at lunch, I bought a sandwich and bumped into Mike.

"Jane, how's it been?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine, Mike."

"Lonely," he sang and then laughed. "Come sit at our table." He almost dragged me to a few other guys.

"Everybody, this is Jane, Jane, these are Eric, Laurent and Taylor. Be nice," he warned as he went to the cafeteria.

My eyes went over them as I sat down. They had been in a few classes of mine as well.

I had barely ever spoken to these kids. I didn't even know if they would remember _a_ Bella Swan. Probably not.

It would be much better, actually, if they didn't even remember a Bella Swan.

When they asked me stuff, I gave them the same answers as I had given Tanya and the rest. I talked mostly about Phoenix, that was a safe subject and I could talk easily about there. Not about why I was here and where I lived.

Taylor leaned over me. "Cullens are staring at you."

I followed his eyes and found Alice, sitting next to Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Jessica, Lauren and Tanya staring at me. I dropped my eyes and then something in my head said _whoa. _My eyes snapped back up, to the ones that were green, only from this distance I couldn't see.

_Edward Cullen._

"Now you're staring back," Taylor whispered again.

"I'm not. I thought I recognized that one with the grey hoodie."

Taylor looked and raised one eyebrow. "Ah, Edward Cullen."

"Edward Cullen?" Mike said loudly from behind.

_Fuck me, shut up people!_

"I remember, I had an appointment with a teacher!" I said, getting up and almost running away with my bag.

"Jane, you forgot-" Mike's voice had called, but I had run, _fled._

What ever I had forgotten, it was worthless, especially after Mike had called out the devil's name. He had heard, I was sure.

Lunch was still fifteen minutes, so I walked through the building, exploring it a little. I went from one toilet to another, killing time. When there was only five minutes left, I only looked which class room I was in. It was another section of the school this time and I started finding it. I was the first to be there, just as a teacher came, smiling at me.

"I'm Jane, I'm-"

"The new kid, yes, I heard. How is everything?"

"Peachy," I said with a smile.

"I'm Mr. Banner and I will be your Biology teacher for the next of the year. You're good at Biology?"

This was Biology class then. "I had an A in Phoenix," I mumbled and he actually looked excited.

"That is excellent, there is still one seat available in my class." He pointed the second table on the right and I sat there. Seconds later, people were coming in, sitting at their space and talking loudly.

Just when I thought the last kid had come in, _Edward _quickly slipped inside, smiling apologetically at Mr. Banner.

"Almost-"

"Just in time," Edward said, walking as if he owed the damn place. He walked behind my chair and I quickly jerked forward when I felt him brush against me. He pushed back his chair and sat, sighing deeply. He pushed back his hair with both of his hands and stretched out his legs, and for a moment put his hands behind his head, until his head slowly went to me and he raised one eyebrow.

_Shit_, I had been staring, rather openly.

_Oh, look at those pretty green eyes._

"Oh, hello," he said, as if he just noticed my existence and turning his whole body to me. I stopped breathing and felt my hands get sweaty.

_What the hell? SHIT._

"What's your name, then, Coco?" he asked, expecting an answer.

I blinked and was dumbstruck. What do I say? Don't introductions usually begin with the person saying his name first? And what the heck is Coco?

His eyes had traveled from my head, to my chest, stomach, thighs, knees, calfs, feet and slowly back up, until he reached my face. His face turned very slightly in a frown.

"Jane," he slowly said, turning his head to the side, watching me curiously. "You know, Coco, I would swear we have already met once."

I shook my head. Too quickly and quite too violently. I was too afraid to talk, he might recognize my voice, right?

He shrugged it off. "If you say so. I would give you my name, but my instincts tell me you already know."

My mouth slightly opened, to tell him that I didn't, but then I thought_ he knows. He remembers me._

My breathing turned faster, and I snapped my head towards the whiteboard.

"It's not every day Mike Newton calls my name out loud through the cafeteria and for a second, I thought he was gay." When I breathed out, I stopped breathing, feeling myself relax.

_That's what he meant. No, he hadn't recognized me._

He had heard Mike, and suddenly, that wasn't one of my worries anymore. All I could think of was that he hadn't recognized me.

"I'm Edward Cullen."

I knew this. I knew his name. There was no surprise, and also, there wasn't supposed to be one. Then why had I gasped at hearing his name come softly out of his mouth?

I looked at his shoulder, and then back at him. He was sitting rather close to me. My hand was at the button of my skirt, twisting it in nervousness. His eyes went to my hand and then back at me.

"I know those eyes," he said rather accusingly and a little irritated, staring at me, too deeply in my eyes. I dropped them, instantly and turned my head away. I didn't know what to say, and looked hysterically at the door, then I looked at my hands and at last, back at him. I shook my head as some kind of an answer. I wanted to tell him I had one of those face. That he was just imagining it. But I couldn't. I had lost capability of talking to him.

He smiled, the first smile he had ever given me, as he slowly pushed back and leaned against his chair. He was the statue of calmness. A foot on a knee. Sitting low on his chair, head hung back and arms crossed.

I tried to sit still, but inside I was shaking.

~x~

Was this just déjà vu?

Feeling like you knew the person, but in fact you'd never met her?

Why was she sitting on that chair, with her back stiff and not touching the chair?

She was barely breathing and I gave her the space she probably needed, by simply ignoring her.

No word had slipped through those full, too white and too tightly pressed on each other, lips.

She had wanted to say something, that had been obvious as well.

Her whole body had looked like it was preparing itself, only to give up the next second.

Then, there was something else I noticed.

I had noticed it earlier, but now, it was just plainly writting on her face.

She's afraid.

_What is Coco hiding?_

~x~


	3. Selfish

**Disclaimer: **The characters are Stephenie Meyer's.

**A/N:** There was one person whom I wanted to send the preview to, but I answered your review and then I forgot! When I went to your page to send it in a message, I saw that I couldn't send any messages to you... It was weird, sorry! I think it was you, Disney-Movie-Lover. Sorry!

The chapter is rather tall, but I couldn't end it anywhere then where it ends now, because it would just be weird, so you've got a tall chapter :).

I haven't finished the next chapter yet, so I can't really send a preview. If you do want a bit, say so in the review, but there might be a chance that the bit I send you, won't even be in the next chapter. So if you want a maybe-preview, let me know xD.

The title... very fitting to this chapter.

* * *

**3. Selfish**

While counting the minutes and not being able to calm myself down, I grabbed my books the moment class ended and was the first to open the door and run to the toilets, hiding in there for a good five minutes. I had dropped my books beside the toilet and was clutching the foul pot tightly, with eyes tightly shut. I was very sick, but tried to keep everything inside my stomach.

_Mind over matter. Mind over matter._

I kept repeating that. I just couldn't stand the taste and smell of vomit. Yuck. I hated the feeling I had now, the nausea that was caused by my nervousness.

At last, I felt it leave and I slowly rose, while putting the books in my bag. I washed my hands thoroughly, even though the toilet had looked much cleaner then the ones in Phoenix, and made my way to gym.

I was the last that needed to change, and for some reason, I had brought clothes for this class, not even quite sure why, but I changed in my black hockey skirt that showed most of my legs. Mom had bought it when I was inspired to play hockey, but I stopped after the third time. So now I owed a hockey skirt and used it for gym. I wore a black top and over that a white shirt. Maybe it was a weird combination, but it was the one I was most comfortable in.

After putting on my shoes, making a crappy job with the laces, I walked into the gymnasium, and the teacher for some reason stopped talking to stare at me, while all of the students watched me, as if it was the first time this day they noticed me.

"I'm Be-" _Stupid! _"Jane Volturi." At this rate, chances were high up in the air that I was going to be the one that gave my real name away.

"I love the new ones, always fun," she said, but to be honest, it sounded scary, and she looked damn big for a woman. She had _muscles _in a way that only men had. "Same teams that you were in last week, starting now," she said, running to the side and throwing a basketball into the field.

_Damn. Which team was I on?_

I put my hand a little up in confusion, but she was running away from me.

I ran towards her, but before I reached her, she stopped me and whistled twice. Everybody stopped. They hadn't really started yet, but they just froze and looked at her. Wow. She was either strict and feared, or just knew how to keep order and remain fun. I hoped for the latter. "Mike, Edward, which one of you would like to take the virgin?"

My eyes widened. "I beg your-' I started asking confusingly, but she interrupted me. And I chose Mike! Pick me, Mike! Please, pick me.

"Well?" she barked. "Who'll pop the cherry?"

Pick me, pic- _What?_

My own thoughts got interrupted by the faster thoughts. I looked at the woman in disbelief.

I was shocked, bewildered and suddenly very scared, because when I turned, it wasn't only Mike that came walking in my direction. It was Edward as well. He was wearing something that resembled a boxing pants, which came until his knees. Above that, he wore black, thick sweater. Wasn't he hot in that? From this distance I couldn't see what was standing on the sweater. It looked rather gothic.

I wanted to slap myself for thinking about his _clothes._I should have seen him sooner in this class! If I am taken by surprises... I might accidently reveal myself.

_Who'll... Pop... The..._

A hand grabbed my upper arm.

_Cherry..._

I was too scared to look up. If it was Mike, I'd be relieved, but he'd surely see fear in my eyes that would still have to cease. If it was Edward...

He'd see fear in my eyes as well, which would increase the moment I saw his face.

"Gladly."

I stiffened and snapped my head towards Edward who was the one that had grabbed my arm, and he was staring at the teacher, but when a second hand took my other arm as well, his face looked at his side and I looked up in relief in Mike's blue eyes.

Blue. "I'd do a much better job."

We were talking about basketball.

Green. "I do doubt that, Mike."

Blue. "Don't."

Green. "I'd have her screaming."

"Is that so, Edward?" the teacher suddenly interrupted. "Because I rather like hearing them scream."

_Is this high school or had I accidentally walked into an BDSM room?_

Something was not normal. The teacher. Mike. Edward. Maybe all three.

"Me too," Edward said at last, being the one to walk again, towards what I presumed was his team, with my arm still between his fingers. Mike had reluctantly let go and I looked back at him. He gave an apologetic smile. I wasn't quite sure if he was the good guy or just as abnormal as Edward.

Only when Edward walked through a door, and roughly pushed my back into the boys changing room, did I feel adrenaline run through my veins like crazy, and I ran to the second door. Edward caught up with me and stood right in front of me. I stared back with big, fearful eyes.

It caused a grin on his lips, as he took one small step towards me.

"Scared?" he cooed.

His close proximity, his eyes piercing mine, his voice and more importantly, his choice of words, made me do nothing but give him the truth.

I nodded.

"Liars usually aren't," he said, now walking in a circle. "Bad liars, they're peeing their pants."

Why were we here, and who was he talking about? I hadn't lied! I had given him the truth. I was very scared.

My eyes dropped and I slowly stepped sideways, but there had to be a damn wall. My eyes had for a second glanced over his hoody and it was indeed something gothic like.

He was slowly walking in my direction, until he stood by my shoulder. I couldn't tell if he was looking at me, because my eyes were fixated on the floor.

"What's your name, Coco?" he asked ever so slowly.

My throat was stuck, and after a few seconds, he stood in front of me, leaning against the wall. My head was still down, now staring at his Nike's. He was asking again for my name and I closed my eyes at my own stupidness. Of course someone must have noticed my slip. It just had to be him. I opened my eyes and softly sighed.

Could he not just leave it alone? Forget it?

For once, in his life, give me a break?

"I'm a selfish one, in case you didn't know," he said, putting his hands on his knees, so the his head was lower then mine, finding my eyes. I briefly looked at him, and snapped my head up. I wanted to look _anyplace _as long as it weren't his eyes. It surprised me when he told me a fact in honesty.

He abruptly changed his whole posture and stepped sideways, pushing me along, until my back was hitting the wall, instead of just my shoulder. His feet were slightly spread and mine were in between. His whole chest pressed against mine and it was then I realised how tall he really was. My head barely made it to his chest. I remained staring at just that, _his chest_. I was too scared to tell him to maintain his distance.

_Bullet For My Valentine, _I quickly read on his hoody.

In my mind, I had gone back ten years ago, feeling like that child again, and Edward, he had only grown and was older this time.

"Soon, little girl, I will find out about a few things. Your real name and your fears, for a starters."

I did not move. Was my heart still beating?

_He knows my name is not Jane._

But... he had not recognized me, and I tried to keep that in mind as well.

_Not yet_, I corrected myself. Not just yet.

One of his hands slowly came to my face and I flinched, but there was no place for me to go. I was still pressed between the wall and his chest. I let a shaky breath as he dropped his hand.

"Soon," he mumbled. "In the meantime, could you do something for me?"

I shook my head and that made him laugh. He looked me in the eyes, while he had bended down, his body touching me a little less.

"Scream."

Excuse me? I looked up by the weird request.

He narrowed his eyes as I remained quiet for too long. "Or else I will make you."

My brain didn't understand English anymore, because frankly, I had no idea what he was talking about and I was back at staring at his chest. I couldn't move, let alone talk, even if a earthquake was about to kill me. My eyes just flew over the words written there.

I heard a soft chuckle. "Which, oh which would be more fun to find out, I wonder?" he softly mused. "The name, or the fear?"

I raised my eyes and met the green ones. He stared for a long time, as if he was in no hurry at all.

Both were connected to each other. Once he knew my name, he'd understand the fear. If he knew my fear, well, then he still wouldn't quite understand why I was afraid of him. He'd still need to find out my name.

So I chose fear.

"You look so familiar," he mumbled, as he allowed himself to deeply scowl. I nervously looked around but then just closed my eyes altogether.

The next thing I heard, was his demanding voice.

"Deny." I slowly looked up at him. "Deny that you don't know me."

I shook my head a little and his eyes were patronizing me.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Deny it, with words. Say it out loud, _Jane_."It was the first time he called me Jane, and he was mocking the name as well.

Just in time, I was saved.

Loud banging on the door and it flew open. Edward quickly pushed himself a yard away from me and crossed his arms, though keeping our eyes locked for a little while longer, until the teacher stood right in front of him and he turned to her.

"What did you do boy, except," she glanced over me, "making her face the one of a ghost? Did you grab a boob, show her your goodies? What'd you do? Anything? I heard no screaming! Mike wins, virgin goes to Mike's team."

"Of course," Edward said, as if she had not just said something very sexual that included my boob and his goodies.

She made her way towards the gym and Edward slowly walked towards the door.

"Come on, Coco, you wouldn't like to see her infuriated, trust me," he said, his voice changed to normal, not anymore demanding, controlling and calm. He was motioning for me to follow him. I slowly stepped away from the wall and walked behind him, at least at a distance of a few yards.

"She's all yours, milord," Edward mockingly said while looking at Mike. He merely raised his eyebrows in surprise. I slowly passed Edward, and caught his eyes just as I walked past him. "Not for long, milady," he whispered, only for me to hear.

Instead of increasing, my steps slowed, while I looked at him and walked. Our eyes had connected, brown against green, fear against determination.

Only, once I reached Mike, it felt like the spell broke and I was able to breath again and feel my heart beat at a more healthy rate.

"What... was all that about?" I said in horror to him.

He gave another apologetic smile. "She refers to the new people as virgins. I'm the captain, but so is Edward and we get to pick which teammates we want on our team. She also refers that the best one is supposed to 'pop the cherry' of the virgin, which only means to tell her the rules."

I blinked once while he laughed. "Metaphor. Strange one."

"Yeah, we've been having her for two years now and it's quite normal for us now."

"What was the screaming about?"

He opened his mouth, looking rather confused himself. "I don't know," he said, looking at me. "Edward has had her for longer, maybe it's a joke between them? What did Edward do, anyway?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. "What are the rules then?"

He didn't believe me, but told me I'd basically have to stand close to the other teams basket and try and score. Yeah, he was crazy put he pointed out which was our goal and which was theirs. Also you needed to stay close to one of the other teammates, but since everybody was already taken, he told me I could go solo and that the other team would probably not see me as a threat.

"Why?" I asked.

Again, he looked apologetic. "You aren't very tall. And..." He pointed around a little, as if it was obvious. "This is basketball." Yeah, that explains just it.

Figures.

The game started and Edward quickly ran to Emmett, whom I noticed for the first time again. I quickly scanned everyone and felt like an idiot.

_Everybody _was here.

Jasper. Alice. Emmett. Rosalie. Lauren. Tanya. Jessica. And Edward.

But it was nice to also see Taylor, Eric and that Mike was in my team.

Emmett nodded once and I looked a little bored, while the ball was at my teams basket side now. I never cared if we lost a game. So I didn't break a sweat when they almost scored.

My eyes suddenly snapped to a figure running towards me.

The one I really couldn't stand at the moment. Edward ran towards me and stood right behind me. I turned my head quickly and stepped to the left. Shadows on the floor told me he followed my movement. I ran toward the other side. Shit, I knew what this was. He was still following me.

I turned my head to find Emmett, who was covering two of my teammates, easily.

What an ass and what a nerve he has!

Damn, damn, the ball came flying in my direction, and I wanted to catch it, I could have done it easily, but Edward's tall arms caught them a yard above me, where my short arms did _not _reach, and he threw it back to Emmett, who scored instantly. For a second I had been in the big circle of Edward's arms, but I did not let that idea bother me for long.

Did they realize how unfair this was? Mike had Alice covered and even though they weren't teammates, they were actually talking to each other, rather civilly.

Somebody dropped the ball and I ran towards it.

So did Edward, and when he caught up with me, I pushed him. The ass was not going to win this time. I wanted to compliment myself for being so bold to my tormenter.

Edward gave me something which was probably no more then a soft knock with his hand, but it sent my flying sideways because of the speed I had been running and I fell hard on the side of my body. It kicked the air out of my lungs.

You know, the worst part of it all, was that Edward knew I had fallen, but no, he did not stop to pick me up, even look back to see if I wasn't dead. He ran to the ball himself and this time threw it to Jasper, who made a goal.

I watched the ball bounce and glared at the thing.

_Screw them. All of them._

Only for a moment, I was not in complete fear anymore. Simply, because all fairness was gone.

I yanked myself up angrily as I saw Edward had gotten in front of me with his palm up, bright smile on his face.

_Did he honestly think I wanted his help?_

He noticed my anger and actually smiled while withdrawing his hand when I was standing up. "All is fair in love and war," he said with a shrug. "Besides, did you not just hear me? I'm too selfish." _Too selfish too care, yes._

It surprised me that he acknowledged that he had in fact not been fair. He wouldn't have made that statement, if he did think that pushing me that hard was fair.

Maybe he was a jerk, who knew he was one, just like the way he knew he was selfish.

Yes.

He knew.

And did not mind.

Maybe I was better of leaving Forks again, only I'd have to leave, _before _he found out my name is Isabella Swan.

The ball was rolling towards me and he did not see. I talked to him. This time, I did. I forgot each other important thought, because for now, it did not matter. I needed to win this time. Win from him.

That's why I talked to him for the first time in ten years.

"Me too."

His eyes widened and I was impressed by myself for surprising Edward Cullen, God of calmness and total control.

And tormenter.

I ran to the ball and finally had it in my hands and without looking first if Edward was close or not, I threw it towards the basket and, it rolled around, and round, and I thought it would never make a decision.

My mouth went open, but quickly I smiled, because it had made a decision and had fallen into the basket.

My teammates were happy and so was I. One of them gave me a high five, but I didn't know his name.

It was Edward who made my smile disappear as he came to stand next to me and glared.

_Wow._

He doesn't take losses too well. I wanted to repeat his previous words, _all is fair_, only something inside of me told me that that would not be a wise choice.

While he was staring at me, I noticed a teammate behind Edward make another goal. Edward could have easily stopped him, but he had been staring at me.

I couldn't help but smile while I was eyeing the ball.

2-2.

We could win it.

Edward turned to see the ball fall and my teammates cheered and were running like crazy. They realized our chances as well.

Slowly, he turned his head back to me and looked up, while shaking his head.

He put his hand up, while running towards his team. They instantly gathered and my team gathered as well. I stood beside Angela and another girl.

"Nice goal Jane, yours too Taylor. We need to beat them. Eric, try and help Jane with Edward. Laurent, keep an extra eye on Jasper and Emmett. The rest, keep the ball away from our basket and throw it in theirs!" They all screamed as they ran out of each other, taking their positions.

"Why the enthusiasm?" I asked Mike.

"If we win this, we'll get a straight A for gym."

My eyes widened. Why did I not know that? I could use that.

"Let's win this damn play then!" I said, matching his demand.

He laughed. "Cullen not giving you hard time?"

I smiled. "Always does, Mike, he always does," I said, still smiling at my inside joke.

"You're doing fantastic,' he quickly said with a wink, seeing Edward's team running back to their positions. "Win this," he said, giving me a quick nod.

"Yeah," I said, running back. Edward was at exactly the same spot we had stood previously and instead of running back to him, I ran to the bal, that was in Emmett hands. He started to dribble it, but after only two steps, I easily pushed it out of his hands, and right now, my small frame was the best thing a person could wish for while playing basketball, because I thought Emmett had actually not even seen me and I ran while dribbling it.

"Tiny new kid is good!" I heard him say from somewhere far behind me now.

I had never played so seriously in my life, but after hearing what the treat was for the winning team, I realised that winning now is quite important. Someone appeared in front of me and I made a dash to the left and quickly searched the basket after I had a grip on the bal and just threw without thinking.

It fell into the basket, without touching the ring. Had I done that? I looked up, to see a whole other pair of eyes.

Rosalie.

Another glare.

I was good at receiving those as well.

She did scare me, but now, she could not touch me. We were at a crowded place.

The ball was thrown into the game again, and it was at our side for a while and I watched how mainly Mike and Taylor were struggling against Emmett, Jasper and even Tanya and Rosalie. These girls were showing a different side of themselves. They were playing like everything depended on it.

Mike captured the ball and threw it at Eric. Eric threw it at Angela and when she saw I was the only one near the basket, she threw it at me.

I was about to catch it, when something, _someone, _held my hands back and when the ball was just above me, the hand that had held both of my wrists let go of me to catch the ball. I turned, to see Edward make a goal from the long distance, since he was still standing so close to his goal.

He instantly turned and smirked at me.

This was not anymore a battle between two teams. It was a battle between him and me.

The Cullens with their lemmings and me.

Eric was running with the ball fast in a big circle and was chased by six girls and I ran toward him and closer to the basket. Edward stood in front of me and I quickly ran around him but he grabbed my arm and I looked up with big eyes at the strength he was holding me. He slightly scowled and released my arm.

Then, my head snapped to the side and I felt a pain over my whole right cheek, and it began to get warm.

"Oh, Jane, I'm so sorry!" I heard Alice call. A cool hand came to the side of my face, replacing my hand with his and I stared up at Edward's eyes. I quickly stepped three steps back, away from him and Alice who had appeared next to him as well.

'You okay?" he asked.

I looked at the field, seeing Mike hold up his hand but I just gave a wave to tell him I was okay and ran away from the two Cullens. It was just a ball and besides, I'd had worse.

Eric scored but this time I didn't smile, even though inside I was satisfied. I touched my own cool fingers against my hot cheek.

'Are you okay, Coco?" he asked again from behind me.

I turned and put the biggest, brightest smile on my face I could manage. "Stop calling me Coco."

And then made a dash for the ball, but I knew I couldn't make a goal, but when I looked confused to whom I would throw it, I caught Tyler's eyes and he told me to just throw it.

"I won't make a goal," I told him, but turned and threw it anyway. It fell into the goal, again, and I wondered if this was real. I couldn't even call it beginners luck, because it's wasn't my first time I played basketball.

Everybody cheered and a whistle was blown.

"Team Mike, won!"

"Well done," Angela said, and then running away towards another girl.

"Great job, you go girl!" Taylor said, slapping my arm and going away as well.

"Ugh," I heard Rosalie call. I caught her eyes and her eyes went over my body. Up. Down. Up. Then her face seemed like she was mocking me. She turned on her heels and went to Tanya and her lemmings. They watched me and that's when I knew Rosalie just told them something like _Don't ever talk to her, she's a bitch._

I had always been her enemy and who would have know, ten year later I was just as much detested as I had always been.

###

I stood in my bra when suddenly a finger was touching my stomach.

"Ouch, that must've hurt," Angela said, pulling her hand back.

I looked down at the scar that would always remind me of the cigarette that Rosalie put off on me, with Edward behind me, preventing me from escaping the cancer stick. My eyes widened when Rosalie and her gang was watching too at the scar, but Rosalie didn't care about it and started talking with her friends about shopping. Alice was scowling at the scar as well. A bit too long for my liking, so I quickly put my shirt on and my skirt and threw every other clothing in my bag. I put on the leg warmers and the boots and looked up at Angela, who was smiling at me.

"So, how was first day?" she asked.

"Cool," I replied, smiling at her and standing up. I walked towards the door and opened it, being the first to leave, followed by Angela. I didn't have to go to my locker anymore, but Angela did.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jane," she said, waving as she left.

"See you," I said.

When I sat in my car, I first waited until it was warmer in the car, so I could at least feel my fingers and not die while the car was falling apart.

I had waited too long, because Edward walked out, followed by Tanya, Lauren, Rosalie and Jessica. Emmett and Jasper were behind Edward, the thing that was walking in only jeans and no sweater. Rosalie slowed until she was walking next to Emmet, but the girls were clinging on to the half naked boy.

While sporting, he wore a hoody, and here in the rain, outside, he took it off?

My eyes landed on his chest and the muscles there that deserved to be called one of the best six packs I had ever seen.

I let my hair drop in front of my face and reached for my seat belt and looking down while I fastened it.

The sounds my car made when I started it, were so embarrassing, I wanted to laugh, but that would be laughing at myself, and people would see me laughing for no apparent reason.

Quickly I pulled the car out of the parking lot and drove off without a second glance.

At home, I made homework, emailed my mother and cooked dinner.

_To: Renee  
From: Bella_

Mom, everything here's fine, you wouldn't believe how the house hasn't changed. Are you doing fine? How's Phil? I need to make homework and am so busy! Don't know if I'll be able to email you tomorrow.

Kisses, Bella

I hit send and finished homework.

"Bella!" Dad called.

"Hi," I said, walking down, smiling at him. "How was work?"

"The same. How was school?"

He wanted to hear big stories, about my friends, the teachers, the boys, the classes. But today, I was not in the mood for lying. "The same."

While I was lying in the bed that still gave me shivers, I thought about my name, the real one and the fake. My last thought before I fell asleep, was that it would have been nice, if I could have stayed Jane Volturi for the rest of this short high school career.

_"Little, little spider, always watch your back," Rosalie sang while walking towards me. "I might pull out your legs and stomp my foot on the remainders." She wasn't rhyming at all but scaring me enough to have me running towards the toilet and locking myself up there until recess was over. I must have been around six._

_A much smaller, maybe even innocent Rosalie had her hand in a cup around Tanya's ear and whispering while pointing at me. They both started to laugh and I turned my back to them while I stared at the ground and wondered why it always had to be me._

_They're doing it for social status. They like the power. They feel okay, when I'm not. They don't do it for any other reason, because they have a very kind mother whom I've met twice and Carlisle is their father, who had taken care of my arm when I had fallen out of a tree once and broke it. They can't be unhappy children. They only do it because they like the effect it has on them._

I woke with a gasp and also realized I was late. It was seven o'clock when I woke up and I had to shower like a mad woman and dried my hair quickly and put the same outfit I had last night because it was easier for me and quicker.

What I should have know, was that that was a big mistake.

I ran into the class room and the door was luckily still open. I went to my seat, next to Angela again.

"Aren't you suffocating?" Rosalie said while snickering and Tanya, Lauren and Jessica were laughing so hard, it almost hurt my ears.

I wouldn't have understood them, if it hadn't been for another memory imprinted in my mind.

_"Bella! You smelly dog, don't you ever take a shower? Those clothes! It's so gross."_

_I never dared to really say anything to Rosalie and she laughed in my face. Suddenly, it was Tanya who grabbed my face. "She asked you a question." She quickly let go off me, as if I really was disgusting._

_"She might have flees," Edward said and my eyes widened._

_"People can't have flees," I said and he stared stupidly, as if to ask why I was even bothering to disagree. Was I supposed to yell 'Yes, you are right, and the eggs are covering me as well'? What were they expecting._

_"Oh, she spoke to Edward! Look at that blush!" Lauren said, pointing at me, and two more fingers pointed at me as well. I stared from one girl to another, and at last again at Edward._

_"Ew," Edward said, pinching his nose. "No thank you to that," he said, pointing at me. "Come on, I'm suffocating at the stench."_

Angela didn't understand the comment, but I did too well.

How cliché is it to say that you must wear a different outfit every day? Besides, she must have been the only one who noticed and they smelled just fine and clean.

I grabbed my head. I was thinking too much about it and they were still able to get to me. They probably didn't even know.

This was day two and I was still Jane. That was all that I should have on my mind.

Would they call Charlie soon? What would he say? He'd bombard me with questions, that was for sure.

"Jane?" Angela asked. "Class is over, you should go to next class."

That was quick. I nodded and went to my next class. This class was quite fun. We had to draw in silence and I made the face of a child, her eyes somewhat down, her eyes lost, her face the one who cares no longer about life. Behind her, three girls were having the time of their lives. But, it was at the cost of the broken one. The one that was clearly unhappy. I guess the drawing was based on my dream, where Rosalie and Tanya were laughing at me and I had wondered why they always picked on me.

"That. Is. So. Beautifully. Sad."

I turned my head to Alice and she looked at the drawing with admiration.

"I can feel the girl's pain," she said softly, putting a hand on her heart.

"She's not in pain," I said, looking at her eyes for a second. _Please don't recognize me. _"The happiness has been chased out of her. But she's not in pain." Not really.

Alice looked up from the drawing. "It's so good, Jane. So beautiful."

I gave her a timid smile and noticed her drawing. It was clearly herself, wearing a huge hat, the ones that blocked the sun, Jasper next to her who had his arm around her shoulders. Next to him stood Rosalie, the side of her body was noticeable with her arm tight around Emmett, her cheek against his bare arm and one of her feet up. And next to that, Edward, staring up, a little dreamily. Not paying attention to the one that was making a photo. They were in Disneyland, probably the one in Paris. Above her drawing lay the picture and they looked like a happy family. They looked younger, probably around sixteen or seventeen.

"You did a good job yourself too, Alice," I said. Rosalie actually looked human enough to care about a person who was not herself. And Edward, he seemed to be deep in thought. Emmett had Rosalie. Was that a good thing?

It was time, and I had Trig and Spanish again.

When it was lunch time, it was Alice who searched me and stood beside me as we took some lunch. I didn't say anything to her, but she was talking and talking and damn, I though she'd never shut up.

My heart stopped for a moment with the next thing she said.

"My family is over there, come on."

She stopped when she realized I wasn't following.

"Come on, Jane," she said. She laughed a little. "They don't bite." What had I looked like for her to make that comment?

_Maybe as if they _are _about to bite me._

I looked at the table, seeing Emmett with Rosalie and Jasper. Jasper was looking at us both and smiled at me.

_Shit._

"Edward!" she said happily. "Convince Jane to sit at our table."

I saw another tray next to me out of the corner of my eye and Edward put his arm around my shoulders. I was in shock and I dropped my tray and the apple and bottle both rolled away. The sandwich fell on the ground and I stepped sideways, away from him.

"I..." I looked at Alice, thinking for a second, my hand half up in the air, "-have to go." I pointed towards the exit of the school. Alice looked very confused and I didn't get to see Edward's face.

I turned and almost ran out, to my car and sat inside while I searched for my music and put my favourite band on.

_"But I know that you were just like me with someone disappointed in you. I'VE become so NUMB. I can't feel you THERE."_

In my mind, I was singing, screaming along with my favourite band.

I glanced at the clock. Only one more minute to make it to class and I went to my most favourite class in the world.

Biology. Yay me! I got to sit next to my greatest friend. Yes. I am such a happy girl.

I rolled my eyes at myself and walked around the corner. Edward was walking in front of me. He hadn't noticed me yet, and could you imagine how criminal I felt and how angry he might be at what I was doing currently... _Walking behind him without his notice._

I started biting my fingernail, frustrated about a bit didn't get cut by my teeth.

We were both a minute or two too late. He opened the door, hopefully drawing all attention to himself, but after looking inside the class, he turned his head with a scowl. When he saw me though, he opened the door completely and held the doorknob while watching me approach him. He smiled when I stood in front of him, but I quickly stepped inside the classroom and he followed, closing the door behind him.

"Edward, Jane," Mr. Banner said. "Take your seats." He didn't sound pleased, but I couldn't form an apology.

I sat down and put my bag on the table. Edward pushed the chair back, pushing it closer to mine and sat too. I turned my head to see him staring, rather in a rude manner, and I turned my head back to the talking Mr. Banner.

"Why are you afraid of me?" he asked directly but only loud enough for me to hear.

I laughed a little nervously and looked at him as if he'd gone stupid. "What?" At least I could talk to him, even if it were no more then two words.

"You're fucking nervous and it's obvious. Why?" he demanded.

If I gave him my name, he'd understand instantly.

Just two words.

"Tell me," he said in irritation. I looked from the left to the right, thinking of a way to ditch class. His body was turned to me, and mine was more like turning away from him.

He wasn't giving up.

"What is it you are delaying, hmm? Did you commit murder? Rob the bank? Fall for me? You can fall for me anytime. I won't mind."

In a little way, he was like Alice. He could talk quickly as well and the last one took me off guard. Was it a joke?

"I'm not going to hurt you," he quipped.

_You already have, _I almost whispered back. But I was no fool. That comment would be the end of me.

Without my notice, I had started to breath harder and was on the edge of my seat. His hand came on my shoulder, giving it a small squeeze and I squirmed.

"Fuck. What's the matter?" he almost hissed. "Someone raped you or abused you or some shit?"

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" I asked timidly when his hand left my shoulder.

This time he huffed.

He was still staring at me, I know he was.

One of his fingers got closer to my mouth and I stopped breathing again. I felt his pointer finger lock around my pointer finger, and pulling it away from my teeth. No, I wasn't done biting!

"There are a few rules if you don't want another person to realize you're actually nervous. Don't show them that you are. So stop biting off your nail." He pushed my hand down with only his finger and withdrew his hand. "Just an idea."

I bit on my lip while I pushed the nail of my thumb under the nail of my pointer finger, fidgeting with my fingers.

Edward chuckled. "Go take some self defence classes, Coco. This isn't getting you nowhere."

"What do you care?" I breathlessly asked, but not daring to look at him.

"I don't. But watching you like this, is rather pathetic." My eyes widened. He rolled his eyes, as if he really thought of me as pathetic. Is that why he bullied me? No, that can't be right. "You're such an obvious target for anyone who likes to hurt other people."

_You?_

I looked at him and he scowled instantly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?' he asked, completely taking me off guard.

_How was I looking at him?_

I did something to my lip which caused it to bleed, and I tasted the iron taste and the little salt.

"Stop, stop, stop," he whispered, pushing his chair to exactly next to mine. "Breath and stop biting your lip. Come on, I'm serious, take a deep breath."

I was exhaling, but I saw him shake his head.

"In," he said, rather annoyed, "not out."

"Edward!" Mr. Banner snapped. "Stay after class for a minute."

"Whatever," he mumbled, turning his head back to mine, catching my eyes. "Your lip's still bleeding." He turned back and listened to the teacher and I brought my finger to my lip, feeling the moisture come in contact with my finger. I brought it in front of me, seeing the redness on it. It would heal again. Just like Edward had said, _whatever._

We were supposed to take notes, but I couldn't do that. Edward was relaxed next to me and I was stiff from all the nerves.

"Where did you live before you came here?" Edward asked softly from next to me, while still writing and taking the notes.

I couldn't tell him Phoenix, because he probably knew that the Bella Swan from ten year ago went there as well.

"Someone hurt you there?"

The irony. If he knew the truth. If only.

"I'm sure you didn't deserve it," he said, standing up. He quickly tore out a piece of paper out of his notebook and put it in my notebook, and then closed it for me. I saw him put his bag on the table and pull out a bottle, a sandwich and an apple. He put them in front of me. That was supposed to be my lunch.

While I was staring at my now closed notebook and lunch, I hadn't seen his hand come closer, but his finger brushed my cheek for no more then a second and I gasped. He was already standing behind me and I shivered when I felt his breath on my neck. He whispered in my ear, "You're too cute to be treated badly. Too innocent. Whatever the bastard did or bitch said, they were wrong."

I actually felt forward, even while I was still sitting and my weight was on the chair. My hands felt loudly on the table in front of me and I'm sure if I hadn't caught myself, my head would have hit the table. My hair fell in front of my face and I felt his hand pat my shoulder twice. With that, he walked towards Mr. Banner, quickly talking to him. Most people were walking out of the classroom and I quickly stood, put my bag over my shoulder and grabbed my books and pen. I threw the food in my bag.

When I was out of the classroom, I took only two steps to the right to stop and breath for a moment. Sitting next to Edward was so nerving. I felt so tired, as if I had just run the marathon.

"I'm _sorry_," a faint voice said, "and it won't happen again." I was trying to do Zen, or something to calm down, so I was also blocking out all the noises around me.

Footsteps were getting louder and then everything happened so fast. I was hit hard from the back and started falling forwards, while releasing my arms from the deadly grip I had put on my books to try and break my fall. I already saw the books hit the ground but from behind me I was caught, a pair of hands coming in front of me and I was forcefully hit on what was behind me. It kicked the air out of me.

"Wow," I heard Edward say from behind me. "Talking about reflexes." He started to let me go and turned me around. He grinned. "Sorry."

He bent down and picked up the two books and the pen.

"You were standing a bit in the way though," he continued sweetly in his smooth voice.

"Leave Jane alone, Edward," Mr. Banner quickly said while locking the door and he quickly went off. Maybe he had to be somewhere, but now, I think, we were officially alone.

He lifted himself up and handed them to me with a smile. I reached for them, but he pulled them back and brought his other finger up, where also the pen was in.

"What is you name?" he asked slowly and watched me. My breathing had to hitch when he asked and his head tilted to the side. My books weren't worth it and it was just a pen.

I turned and walked away. Edward laughed from behind me and suddenly his arms came around me, but they didn't touch me. It did stop me effectively from walking any further. My books were right in front of me, in his hands.

"You win. Go on, take them." I reached for them slowly and this time, he let me take them.

I exhaled in relief when his arms left my vision, but tensed instantly when I felt all of my hair lift off of my shoulder and it was in his hands.

Those hand had done many things with my hair. Painted it green. Pulled at it. Even cut it. Mocked it. If I believed him, my hair was ugly, frizzy, I had too much of it, _and _the colour looked fake. A tear slipped. I quickly brushed it away and sniffed once. How could I still be affected?

I felt a twist, something get in my hair, and then another twist. He pushed at something again, and just like that, all my hair was up and it stayed like that. What did he do? And how? I must have looked ridiculous.

My hand reached up, but he held my wrist, again barely touching it, but keeping it in the circle of his fingers.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said, making a circle with my hand above my head, so that I had to turn to him. Like a ballerina. "Don't ruin my precious work." He released my wrist with a smile. "Alice would be so proud," he added with a roll of the eyes, his hand on his chest, where his heart lay under.

I stood there, my books again on the verge of falling, because I couldn't hold them as tightly as I wanted to.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked seriously, looking in my eyes.

My head was up towards his, eyes big and I was frozen. I looked back once, to see nobody in the hallway. Then I turned to meet his green, happy eyes again.

"You have a boyfriend?"

It sounded definitely like a question, but something also made it sound like a statement.

As if he was wondering, but also already _knew _that I have a boyfriend, which was quite wrong.

He smiled a little when I didn't answer and he stepped beside me. He took a step back, folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. I had followed each movement, never looked away from his eyes.

He then unfolded his arms and with his palm up, pointed towards the hallway.

"Deliverance," he said.

My head went to were he was pointing and I quickly turned and walked away. His far away sounding footsteps told me he was following me, but when I reached the ending of the hallway, I once quickly turned to see him still looking at me. _Where did he leave my pen? _I went to the right but was disorientated for a second.

Which class did I have now? Which hours was this? Had lunch break already come?

I turned with a scowl, trying to answer all the questions at the same time.

Edward appeared next to me, walking slowly, with his hands in his pockets.

Again, I turned and walked without thinking. I did hear Edward sigh.

"Hey, wait!"

I stopped. Perhaps the correct term should be froze.

"Come over here." I turned with big eyes and he smiled crookedly. There was nothing else I could do but to turn and walk towards Edward.

When I reached him, he turned to the left, the opposite direction I had been going, and started walking.

One small motion with his hand told me to follow him.

I was a few yards behind him. Where was he take me? Had he found out? He opened the entrance door and stepped back, looking at me.

When I remained there, he laughed again. But he abruptly stopped, and looked at me. His eyes looked so happy, crinkled at the side and I couldn't help but think of him as quite charming, even after all the thing he did to me. He held out a hand, his fingers pointing outside.

"Ladies first."

Slowly, I walked, first nearing him, and then stepping outside. Edward was standing very close behind me. His hand briefly touched my back and I snapped out of it and took a few huge steps. I stopped and turned my head. He was watching me again with those confused eyes, all happiness gone.

"Eat something and get some sleep. You look tired." He stepped away from me, and I continued watching him.

He turned with a broad smile.

"Bye." He even waved.

I didn't say anything back, but saw him walk to his car, and only then, I realized I was free. There wasn't a plan. He just led me outside, and had probably found out about my strange confusion of not knowing which part of the day that it was. And school had apparently ended.

I touched my hair and scowled when I felt something hard in my hair. I grabbed the thin cylinder and when it was out, my hair fell in front of my face and I knew what was in my hand before I saw it.

_My pen._I pulled out my apple and bit in it while going to my car and drove myself home. Edward's car was already gone.

The fact that I ate the apple, had nothing to do with Edward's comment. I didn't eat because he told me to.

I nodded my head firmly to myself.

The paper he had pushed in my notebook, were the notes he had taken in class, while I had been doing nothing. I read all the notes and couldn't remember any of those things said in class. Edward really was a distraction, and in a very bad way. I couldn't even remember what Mr. Banner had talked about.

That night when I went to bed, I told myself that it was a coincidence that it was eight o'clock, three hours earlier then the time I usually slept. And that it had nothing to do with Edward's comment. Nope.

_He doesn't own me in that way._

Around a quarter past eight, I slept.

~#~

Does she fear me?

Or is it because somebody abused her and she has lost trust in every living person?

Should I leave her alone?

Or should I find out her fears?

Do I ask Alice for help?

She'll just assume I have the hots for her.

Which isn't true. She's weird and barely a challenge.

Then again, each time she did not speak, each time she didn't answer me, she left me wondering for more. She had spoken no more then fourteen words to me.

Though I felt dread since very recently. Maybe I didn't want to know the answers. If they feared her already that much, what would they do to me?

Like I already told her, I was selfish. The choice was easily made. I had to know.

The girl had raw fear in her eyes. At gym. In the boys changing room. Back again in the gym. At lunch. At biology. When I had touched her cheek. When I had asked her name. When I took her hair in my hands. I may not have seen it then, but she had been fucking crying while I had been busy with the pen and her hair. Her eyes were red.

How come she seemed like a tortured prisinor and walked away like she had no idea what to do with her life when I said deliverance to her? Was _I _affecting her, or did all boys give her that effect?

There was another thing I had to be selfish on, no matter what the answer would be. I wouldn't allow myself to care or feel anything. If the girl was raped, so be it. Abused, then it had happened. It's as simple as that.

I had to be selfish and not care. I was not a therapist and I knew how long it took the heal a person emotionally. I wasn't going to do that. I was going to get my answers, and then be selfish.

If that meant being nice to her and use some of my charms on her, so be it.

~#~


	4. User

**Disclaimer: **Not my characters.

**A/N: **Today I was depressed. So I wrote this. Just like that. In one day. Is it any good?

**Song: **Just be good to green - Proffessor Green

* * *

**4. User**

_Oh dear God._

I dropped my head in my hands.

_What will happen to me?_

I rubbed my forehead, trying to rub the pain out.

_Why was I so shy and didn't say no to Charlie?_

I tightly shut my eyes.

_What in Gods name was I doing back here in Forks?_

My phone buzzed.

_No, I'm not home._

I picked it up though, because I was a social person and saw that my mother was calling me. At six in the morning.

"Hello," I mumbled.

"Bella! How are you? It's so warm here today in Phoenix, you wouldn't believe it, while it's November!"

"You don't say."

"No, I mean it! This way my tan will stay until hopefully December."

"Hopefully." I heard Phil in the background. "Oh sweetie, I have to go. Have fun there, don't hate the rain!"

"Bye," I mumbled at the dead line.

I dropped my head on my pillow and slept for another hour.

I woke anxiously, feeling horrible. I felt so shaken and worried about something that wasn't even about revealing my real identity. Something horrible was going to happen today. I just knew.

So before I went to school, I emailed all of my friends the same mail.

To: Kelly, Jenny, Ellen, Tessa, Ashley, Alex, Thom

From: Bella Swan

Subject: :'(

_Hi all of you!_

_How's everything up there? Here there's... mostly rain, of course. Nah, don't worry, it's cool. Though the worst bit is that I have to miss you guys._

_Hope we'll see each other soon again!_

_xxxx_

_Bella_

I hit send and bit my lip. Well, if I died, at least they knew I cared about them and had thought about them.

I grabbed my bag and put my books in it while I ran downstairs. Charlie was already gone. He always was. Today the dread was the worst. Something inside of my told me that my lies wouldn't last long.

Which was a big _duh _but still, I wish I'd never come here.

Ever so slowly and reluctantly I reached the school building.

And just as I was about to get out of the truck, it started to poor.

If a day has a bad start, it usually has a bad end as well, at least, with me that was always the problem.

I ran to the building as fast as I could and went straight to the toilet. The little mascara I usually put on would probably need a check up. Everything was fine though.

When I was about to get out of the toilets, Rosalie, Tanya and her other lemmings walked in. They were all pretty much glaring at me and I made a dash for it. When I went to the right, I had to go up the stairs.

Up there I saw the other Cullens.

_No._

It was too late to walk back, that would look stupid.

They all looked down at me and I tried to pretend I was looking at something else.

_That's so hard._

"There she is!"

_I'm not she... I'm not she..._

"Jane."

_I am she..._

It was Edward's voice, and even if I didn't recognized his voice, I sure heard the sarcasm just when he said my fake name.

All I did was look up.

"She's hot."

Jasper rolled his eyes. Edward punched Emmett's shoulder.

"Dude, you have a girlfriend!"

"So what?" Emmett asked, looking back at me.

I got the yuck shivers and Jasper laughed when he saw me get those.

"I'm not sure she thinks you're hot."

Emmett laughed out loud.

"Come on, guys, I'm just _saying_! Rosalie won't mind, trust me."

_Trust me that she will, so leave me alone._

I tried walking past them, put Edward quickly stopped me.

"Wait, we need to talk."

I pleaded with my eyes. "Please, not now."

"Yes, know." He looked back at the two gawkers. "Fuck off."

"Jeez, thanks," Jasper said, rolling his eyes again.

"Don't let hem get too deep inside your pants, Jane, he's a user."

Edward snapped his head to Emmett, but he was already at least ten yards away from Edward.

I quickly turned back to the stairs and started walking down.

_Run, Bella, run._

"Fuck you, asshole," Edward called back.

I was halfway down the first staircase. There was still one more after this one. I quickly glanced back to see Edward had just turned his head as well. I quickened my pace.

"Wait," he called exaggeratedly, running after me.

_Leave me alone._

"You and me, boxing, after biology."

I froze this time a few steps before I reached the floor. He appeared in front of me, one step lower then I was and we were almost the same height now, him still being the taller one.

"Is that okay with you?" he asked, sounding as if the decision was already made and I was just supposed to agree.

He sounded condensing and slowly he stepped up on the same stair step as I was. One of his feet was beside mine and the other in between. My breathing hitched. There barely was any room this way.

"Teacher's orders." He smirked and stepped back.

"W-what?" I asked shocked.

_What teacher?_

_Why this torture?_

He flashed a smile. "We have to do this in order for you to know how to box."

The confusion on my face shouldn't have been more noticeable.

"For gym."

"I don't understand," I said, looking down.

"There'll be a contest in less the a few weeks, guys and girls separate, but this morning the gym teacher told me I had to teach you the basics."

What is this all about? Why didn't she teach me herself? And boxing! Why boxing? Who had come up with that idea? No other school did boxing.

"You?" I asked confused.

"Or Mike, but she found me first."

I closed my eyes at the misfortune.

"Do not worry, milady," he whispered. "I may be a user."

I opened my eyes and was attacked by the sharp green coloured eyes that were his.

"...but you sure as hell won't be bored when you're with me."

_Sweet baby Jesus._

The wrongness of the things he was saying. Oh God. Shit, shit.

_Shit! Just give him your real name and be over it already!_

"I..." I took a deep breath. He had to know. Then he'd spit on me, finding it disgusting that he had said that to me.

He was staring at me intently.

"My name..." I trailed off again.

The bell rang. It was deafening because it was standing right behind us.

"Fuck!" Edward cursed loudly.

I stared at him wide eyed and he looked back at me. Something that resembled fury was in his eyes. I opened my mouth and stood there, thinking hard with my mouth half open.

"It's..." He leaned in closer.

Saying those words will mean the end of me!

I just couldn't.

Suddenly, one of Edward's hand was on my face, his thumb on one side of my cheek and his four fingers on the other cheek.

"You were saying, sweet pie?"

He stared intently again but I noticed how his eyes had lost all it's hope.

"Fine," he said, releasing my face and running his thumb quickly over my chin.

Shakily, I breathed in.

"Run, Coco," he whispered, leaning a little closer. "Or you'll be late for class."

I really had to figure out why he was calling me Coco, but first I had to ditch him after Biology. I tried walking down but he blocked my way.

My eyes slowly went up. He was grinning.

"I think your class is up," he slowly said, as if I was a moron.

I scowled. How would he know?

"Because a few minutes ago, you were going up," he further explained.

I stared at him like I was an idiot. And then the second bell went as well.

"Now look what you did," he whispered, looking my deeply in the eyes. "You got us both late."

"It wasn't my fault," I instantly said.

He scowled now, a little taken back. But then he changed his expression to a smile, one he rarely had given me when we were kids. Now, since Monday, he started to be nicer. That is, until he figured out my real name.

_"No!" Rosalie shrieked. "No, no, NO!"_

_I looked back to see her getting hysterical on the ground outside. Slowly I stood up to look more closely what was going on there. That's when I saw. She had fallen and her knee was bleeding. She was wearing skirt and underneath that a thick black panty hose. They had gone to shreds. Was that why she was crying?_

_"Rose!" Alice called, running to her. "Are you okay?"_

_"My... my... my... new, favourite panty hose!" she cried out._

_"It's okay, Rose, Mommy will buy a new one, she won't mind," Alice quickly rambled on._

_"You," she suddenly said, glaring at me. She had tears running down her face, something which I didn't see often with these girls that hated me._

_"What did she do?" Tanya asked from behind me._

_"What did you now?" Lauren asked while shoving me. My back hit Emmett's front._

_"Get off of me!" he said, shoving me as well. I was being shoved from one place to another._

_For a moment, my eyes connected with Alice's and they looked concerned. Only the concern was not directed to Rosalie this time._

_"What did you do to my sister?" Edward asked, appearing in front of me. He had grown a little, and it made me feel even more vulnerable, even though it was just an inch or two. I was seven and I had just stopped growing, while the rest grew._

_"I-I... nothing, honestly!"_

_"Edward, Rose fell," Alice said. Edward's eyes flashed to her, then back to me. He gave me one hard shove and I felt backward in a pool of muddy water._

_"Serves you well," he said while laughing out loud with Emmett, Lauren, Tanya and Rosalie seemed to be curing from her injury and got up, while laughing as well._

_"It wasn't my fault," I mumbled, which triggered them to laugh some more._

_Alice got up and angrily walked away._

_I gathered all my powers to get out of the pool and run back inside, telling the teacher I fell because of my own clumsiness._

"I was only kidding, little one," Edward's much deeper voice said out of nowhere. My eyes flashed around until I found him.

He looked concerned. And I felt like my eyes wouldn't go any wider.

"See you."

He turned and abruptly left. I stared at his back, walking away from me quickly.

Once I didn't see him, I turned back and walked up. I found my classroom and apologized for being late.

Today, the hours were crawling and I was dreading lunch break, then after that Biology and I didn't want to know what came after that.

"Hey, Jane?" Angela asked. "You don't look to good."

I smiled weakly at the kindest girl I had ever met.

"I'm fine, Angela," I said. She smiled back.

The next few hours, I mostly put my head in my hands, played with my hair, looked at the split ends, whished I had a scissor so that I could cut them off and looked at the clock. All the rest I ignored. I was planning my ditching plan for lunch, Biology and the thing after that.

I exactly knew when the bell rang that indicated lunch and I sighed. Though I was grateful that Angela found me before I had to sit by myself.

"So, how was class?" she asked.

"A bore."

She laughed out loud, putting her glasses more straight. "They always are, Jane. Too bad you have a different schedule."

"Yeah..." That's when I remembered. "Hey, Angela? Do you have to do that weird boxing thing as well for gym?"

She nodded her head. "But it's cool, don't worry about it. Hey, Mike!"

"Hi," he said, sitting next to me. Tyler and Eric sat down too.

"Will you be telling Jane all the basics about boxing?"

"Sure, Jane, when do you want to start?"

I dropped my head on the table next to my lunch.

"Uh, you okay?" he carefully asked.

"This morning," I said, raising my head, "Edward was told by the teacher he had to do it."

"Ouch," he said, while starting to laugh. "Good luck."

I glared at him. "Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"When it comes to _her _decisions, you'll just have to comply. She likes giving students a hard time and you'd be amazed that she's been the fact that some people couldn't graduate, simply because she didn't give them a high grade for gym."

_No..._

"Seriously, Mike?" I asked. I was going to be one of those girls that wasn't going to get her diploma, simply because I didn't get a high score on gym.

_Stupid boxing._

"And why boxing?" I asked.

"Cullen wore the clothes and she liked the idea of boxing."

"It all started there, because of him?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, two years ago."

"Just my luck," I mumbled, putting my head on the table.

How would I get out of this one?

"What are the basics?" I asked then. If I learned them quickly now, I might not have to spend that much time with the demon.

"Uhm," he said, scowling. "Well, there's so much to it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there's a knockout and a technical knockout. There are many rules, and you could be disqualified if you don't follow those. There's a jab, a cut, a hook, a uppercut-"

I ignored the rest, because he in fact hadn't reassured me or calmed he. He had given me more reason to run to my car right now and go home.

The one in Phoenix, that is.

But it seemed like lunch was already over and everybody stood up, said goodbye and left for class.

I glanced around the cafeteria, seeing that the Cullens were slow as well in getting to their class.

Tanya pressed her lips against Edwards, just like that, and I swear she glanced at me, before closing her eyes and kissing him deeply with her tongue.

I also noticed how Alice opened her mouth and put her finger in it, pretending to gag.

That made me smile a little.

Edward started to get up, while Tanya quickly kissed him some more, but when he was the taller one, he stopped the kiss and quickly turned to walk away.

I dashed out of the cafeteria before he would noticed me.

Maybe I should skip class.

"Hello, my dearest," Edward said from behind me.

I glanced back, but didn't turn back around when I noticed a red smudge on his lip. I pulled up my lip in disgust and pushed my own finger on my lip and then pointed at his. He quickly brought his hand to his mouth and wiped and then stared at his hand.

"Ieuw," he said, looking in disgust at the redness that was now on his fingers.

He sounded like such a girl when he said that, and I tried keeping the smile off my face. He narrowed his eyes.

"This is disgusting," he said, showing me his hand.

"Eh," I mumbled, staring at his hand and then at his face. I scowled. Should I agree?

"Lipstick is foul. Don't everwear that shit, Coco."

I dropped my mouth. He had such a big mouth.

He brushed his hand on his pants a few times.

"It's like I'm eating lipstick," he groaned out.

I just stared like a baboon, and he smirked when he noticed me. He licked his lips and rubbed his fingers on his lips one more time, probably getting off all the last remnants of lipstick.

"She's not my girlfriend, in case you were wondering," he said, pointing back. "She one of the many reasons why people say I'm a user."

He winked and blew me a kiss. I widened my eyes, turned, and quickly ran off the stairs, going to Biology, where I would see him again. I was out of breath and in full confusion as I sat down.

After a few seconds, he'll be a few inches away from me, yet again.

~#~

She's so uncertain.

She's so afraid.

She's so vulnerable.

She's so fragile.

And I like that.

I'm selfish.

I'm starting to use her as well.

And I love it.

~#~

* * *

**A/N: **This is so scary! I came up with the idea of boxing, and now suddenly I see a serial and it's a guy teaching a girl how to box. Wow. Creepy. It's like I have a sixth sense :D hehe. But the guy is taken in the serial, by a blonde.

Today I had something that resembled an emotional breakdown :P I got back my scores, which were between the 3 and 5, which in America is the same as F's and in Poland a 3 and in other countries I don't know. But in one word: bad. So that's where the depression came from.

Next chapter will contain boxing, I'm guessing. I have big, big plans for this story :D


	5. Suffocate

**Disclaimer: **SM's characters

**A/N**: This chapter proves that this is an M rated story, or in the least 15 years and older. And if you're younger, don't tell Mommy and Daddy about Mistreated.

* * *

**5. Suffocate**

I silently went up, smiled at most guys that greeted me in class and sat at the same spot I had sat yesterday. With each passing second, I realized my tremendous mistake. I should have introduced myself as Bella Swan from the beginning. Now all that I could feel was anticipation of when they'd finally find out.

When Mr. Banner softly closed the door behind him and started to give a few notes, the door burst open and Edward came in. He gave it a hard push and it closed itself loudly. Mr. Banner ignored him and Edward smirked when he saw me looking at him. I dropped my head to my notes.

How could he have been late, he had had just as much as time as the rest of us?

He walked past me, then behind my chair and then dropped himself on the chair beside me.

_Please don't talk to me._

I closed my eyes, while scowling deeply. I had to ditch him after this. He could not truly mean it that he wanted to teach me the boxing. Where were we supposed to do that? Here at the gym? Or was there a special boxing place here in Forks?

"Thinking about our lovely time after Biology?" Edward's voice came from beside me.

I pressed my lips on each other. Secretly, I had hoped he would forget so that I would have enough escaping time.

"We'll have hours," he drawled on. "Imagine all the things we could do." The last bit was whispered and he was also sitting a bit closer by my side.

Again he was making comments like those. I didn't know when and why he suddenly changed and said things like that to me, but it had to stop, because I knew for a fact that he hated me. He still does. He merely doesn't know that it's _me._

It was so difficult. Being Jane, this whole other person whom he didn't know, was easy. He didn't know Bella Swan this way, even though I was her. I glanced at the clock. Only ten minutes had passed. No. Nine. Or was that eight?

"Oh, sugar, you are going to be around me until five thirty, so stop counting the minutes, already," he said, his voice was somewhere between sexy and wicked.

My whole body broke into a sweat, my hands felt slippery and disgusting and I felt hot. He was staring at me and I had probably gazed at the clock for a second too long. He was so good at patronizing me and making me feel obliged to do as he told me to. He was still so good at it and I was still so good at trying to escape his cruel intentions.

I nearly jumped out of the chair and shrieked when his hand got on my knee. My head went to the side to see his face, but he was looking straight ahead, at the teacher. Slowly, his fingers made circles and went up. My whole body went rigid as he kept going up and up and up.

_His cruel intentions, indeed._

I held in my breath and when I tried to breath on, it got stuck and it sounded like a weird choke. I only hoped and prayed nobody heard that. His fingers kept making small circles on my leg, now right above my thigh. He pushed his hand down, until it was flat on my leg, his fingers pointing toward the insides of my thigh. I thought he had stopped, and though my head already felt like it would burst because his very hot hand was lying on top of my leg, he had in fact not. He had only begun. He brought his hand even further down, only now more in the direction of the insides of my thighs. My breathing hitched and my eyes pricked. My hands were sitting very uncomfortably on the table and I hoped the bell would save me, or the teacher would call my name, or _something._

When his pink touched a piece of my skirt, where underneath were my panties, I whimpered in protest, the smallest sound that only he heard, because his head turned to mine. My hands were frozen, as was the rest of my body and there was nothing, absolutely not a thing, I could do to make him stop. I wasn't looking at his eyes, but somewhere outside. I tried imagining I was there. I tried pushing my legs on each other, but no body part wanted to move.

"Look at me," I heard his whispered voice from close beside me.

Whatever he demanded from me now, any movement was out of the question. I wasn't even sure if I was able to blink my eyelids or heave my chest to take deeper breaths, because I needed more air.

"Scared little bunny," he whispered and then a miracle happened. His hand left.

I could breath again and I was in the middle of a sigh, while breathing out, when his hand touched my knee again, only this time his fingers slid beneath the material that was my skirt. My breath came in quickly through my nose and I was shocked and lost. Was he doing this because he found out about my name and this, _this _was his punishment? Or was this just really him? Was he Forks high school user?

My body felt like it was in flames and I wasn't able to find water and cool myself down. Everything felt wrong. Never had a boy kissed me on the lips. And now I had a boy's hand under my skirt. Some would say to me that eighteen would be about time for me to kiss a guy, even if I didn't even know him. Maybe some of my friends would even cheer this, this thing that Edward was doing now.

But those were other people. Other girls. Not me. I could never be like that, to grab a boy, or even several, on one night and just kiss them. I didn't even if I was saving my virginity or if I just didn't want to have sex. Nothing was clear anymore.

I didn't hear anything around me. I wasn't even sure if I was able to hear Edward, all that I was aware off was this buzzing in my ears and Edward's slow fingers that were running up, over my almost naked leg. All that I wore from beneath that was my panty hose and panties.

_Please don't reach the panties, because I won't be able to push you away._

He'd have to pull the skirt up quite a lot to reach that bit of my clothing and for a moment, I thought that that was his actual plan.

"My, my... Coco," he drawled slowly, bringing his hand more up and lifting the skirt in the process with his wrist. "How much more will you allow me to feel?" His fingers stopped moving halfway, but he kept running circles over my upper leg.

Apparently I was still able to hear him, but it was hard to understand the meaning of his words and trying to process what he was saying. I wasn't really allowing anything.

"Because if I don't hear you telling me to stop, I will get you off, right here in this classroom and right now at this minute." The way he said _right here _and_right now _sounded so determined. He was not doubting a thing. To make his point, his fingers started to run upwards again and slowly going more towards the inside of my thigh.

I shuddered. He had to stop. But nothing inside me could move. I had frozen. Like water, I really couldn't move. I couldn't talk and I couldn't tell him to stop.

"What's it gonna be, baby?" he whispered.

Something was making a strange sound. It sounded quick, deep and rhythmical. And I was on the edge of falling apart completely, getting on my knees and begging any higher power up there to take me and just end my life.

"Getting off?" he slowly asked. "Or telling me to stop?"

Yes, he had to stop, I knew that much. How could I tell him to stop? He'd yell at me. He'd be angry. He hates me. Edward hates me. I'm just plain Bella and it's obvious a guy like him wants to make my life a misery.

"Well then," he said at last. His voice was husky and the way he was talking now, seemed like he had come to a conclusion. "I hope for you sake, darling, that you aren't loud."

His hand wasn't slow anymore, but fast. His hand wasn't gentle, if I could have called it gently, that is, but a little more rough. And more importantly, his hand showed no more mercy and he reached my panties and ran a finger over them. My skirt had gone uncomfortable up and I gasped out loud and another choked sound came out of my mouth at the same time as my hand flew to my mouth. I suddenly understood what that rhythmical sound was. My breathing, which was now quicker. I tried to make it less loud by pressing my hand against my mouth.

The thing he had said all made sense now. Getting off. Giving me a choice. Also, now I had feeling in my body again.

His fingers were scratching against my panties and a tear rolled down as I shrieked out loud in fear and bended down over the table with my hands gripping the side of the table and my head very close to the table.

The whole class must have heard and my head went red.

His hand was gone in an instance, pulling the skirt down with him and I looked sideways, pressing my hot cheek against the cool table as a few more tears fell down, a few went directly on the table. I sensed that he was looking at me and the hand that he had just assaulted me with, was behind my chair while his other hand was on the table.

I caught his eyes for a second. He was staring at me, straight in the eye and there wasn't one emotion that I could see in there. I could only see that his eyes weren't as green anymore as they were. In fact, I had never seen a darker pair of eyes.

"She just received some bad new, but nothing too bad," Edward said while he was staring at me. "She's fine. Isn't that so, Jane?" He raised one eyebrow and I sniffed.

"Are you okay, Jane? Would you like a moment?"

"No," I croaked out, not pushing up my head. I closed my eyes. I hadn't heard him talk, but he must have asked me something and while I didn't answer, Edward did for me.

Had I zoned out that much?

So the teacher continued and I was practically in the cage that was Edward's arm and body and even this classroom. When I briefly opened my eyes, he was still staring at me, only this time, his eyes were more intense and more green. Lazily, I closed my eyes. My cheeks were burning with embarrassment and I felt used and humiliated.

"User," I whispered, only it was so soft, that even I didn't hear it.

Edward must have gotten closer, because I felt his hot breath on my face.

"What?" he asked softly, almost a whisper.

I couldn't repeat myself and I wasn't even sure if I had intended to say it out loud the first time. I was such a ridiculous person.

"Scared, little girl," Edward murmured. "How will you survive in the big, big world if all you do is freeze and let yourself be taken by any man who wants to touch you? Hmm, Coco? What I did was nothing, compared to what others could do, and you didn't even move a muscle. Where is that little fighting instinct that every person has?"

I pressed my hand on my mouth and nose, because the tears did not stop now and I only hoped that I could make it stop soon enough before the whole class noticed. I sniffed again and Edward snapped his head, and when I looked, I noticed he had turned his head to something behind him.

"Get your fucking eyes elsewhere, or else I'll kick them out of you're head and stomp on them," Edward's rough voice called to the person.

"Edward! What is that all about?" Mr. Banner sternly said.

Why was Edward like this? And why did he snap to that person? What had the person been doing? Maybe insulting Edward?

It was suddenly silent in the classroom and I couldn't prevent a small whimper because of the crying and the hurt that was only building inside of me and Edward quickly cleared his throat loudly when I had let out the whimper, and I caught his eyes for a second while he did so. I wondered if people had heard me or if the sound had died after Edward cleared his throat. He couldn't have done that to help me. _For _me.

"Nothing, sir, nothing," Edward said, staring at the middle of the class.

"Keep your mouth shut for the next twenty minutes, will you?" Mr. Banner said and continued the rest of his explanation. I could here his voice this time while he was talking, but I never caught any of the words. For that, he wasn't loud enough.

Edward glanced back once more, and then he turned his head back to me. He moved his hands for the first time and pushed the sleeve of his right arm up and brought it to my face. My eyes widened and then closed when he came too close. His sleeve brushed against my eyes and he dabbed them a few times. He turned his arm and brushed against my cheeks and my nose. By this time I had stopped the crying, mostly because of the shock of what he was doing. I didn't feel his hand anymore, but also didn't open my eyes.

"This is bad," I heard him whisper. Was he whispering to me?

I tried clearing my thought and think of absolutely nothing as minutes crawled by.

Eventually, I did open my eyes and noticed how angry he was. But there was something else in his eyes. He was looking at me in a way that didn't only frighten me, but that left me wondering what in fact he was thinking. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be able to read minds, because he had something on his mind, something that must have been important.

I hoped class would end soon and I closed my eyes again. My back was throbbing because of the position I had been sitting in for the past few minutes. My head still felt hot and that bit on the table wasn't cold anymore, but I didn't move to a colder bit.

Edward sighed beside me.

"This is even worse then I thought," he whispered. A small lock of hair moved and when I opened my eyes, Edward had it in his hand and pushed it behind my shoulder. He dropped his eyes to mine. "There's too much-"

He was cut off by the bell that rang and everywhere around me people got up and pushed their chairs. I remained there. Edward got up as well and I didn't see his face anymore.

"Too much fear, and not enough anger," he said, not anymore whispering. "Come on, Coco, I'm not wasting time. Besides, you'll need all the extra time we have."

When I didn't move, and I knew I should have gotten up, but I was still too much in a shock after what he had done, I felt his hand on my head, slipping beneath it and the table. When my head was resting on his hand, he pushed it up and pushed me up as well, until my back hit the chair. He briefly put his hands on my shoulders, but then he put them back on my head. The reasons why I didn't push him away, was the same as the one I had a few minutes ago. I simply couldn't.

Slowly, while he was still standing behind me, he put his hands on my cheeks and started to push my head an inch to the left and an inch to the right.

When he also pulled against my neck, I was forced to sit more up with my back more straight. His hands were making those circular movements with my head and my neck was moving along as well now. He started to make bigger and bigger circles, bringing it from the left to the right, and then from the right to the left. I was scared I was going to be dizzy and before I had time to wonder how long he had been busy with my head, he abruptly stopped while my head and neck were straight, and I was staring in front of me and not only half a second later, he snapped my head straight to the left, while I heard a loud cracking sound of a bone.

"Ouch," I whined, though it hadn't been painful, just rather abrupt. My neck did feel looser and it was strange. It felt better.

"Just one more," he mumbled, as on of his hands rested on the front of my neck and his other began to run over my back, beginning at my neck and the going down. When he was halfway, his fingers pressed hard in my skin and bones there and my back automatically arched up while I heard several bones cracking.

Edward bent down to take his bag and put it over his shoulder. I was still sitting there with my books on the table and my bag on the floor. I was staring in front of me and for some reason, one of my hands was halfway in the air. When did that one go up? And my mouth was open as well.

"I'll take these," he said, closing my books and grabbing my bag. He pushed them inside the bag and put it over his other shoulder. Suddenly, his hand came over the hand that had still been hanging in the air and he easily pulled me up and pulled me with him.

I looked around and I noticed how a few student hadn't left the classroom and had witnessed what Edward had done with my neck and back. Mr. Banner was looking confused as well. I dropped my head, feeling the blood rush there again.

"Keep your eyes to yourself, all of you, or else I'll have to buy new shoes," Edward angrily said, but I heard the smirk in his voice.

"He's so hot," I heard a girl call back. "I wish he would do that to me."

"At least you got to have sex with him," another one said. I stopped in my tracks, but Edward pulled me along. "He only kissed me and I swear he had drank Vodka."

"That can't be! We've talked about it before and nobody drinks Vodka at two o'clock while he's having school!"

Edward chuckled and I saw him glance back behind him.

"But I swear I smelled alcohol!"

"You were dreaming!"

Whoever they were, they were walking behind us. I glanced back to see two girls I had never seen before. I glanced once really quick at Edward, and all that I noticed was how his face looked amused.

Yeah, I believed the girl. The one that said that she swore she smelled alcohol. Seriously, in the afternoon?

He kept pulling me, and when we took the turn to the left and then went outside, I stopped walked. He turned to look at me.

"What's up, Coke?" he asked as if none of that hadn't happened. No, his secrets hadn't been revealed.

And, now he called me a drug and I couldn't help but scowl. Oh, I still whished that I could find a way to get out of this.

"Don't worry about your car, silly, I'll drive you back afterwards," he said. He turned and wanted to continue walking, but after a few steps he turned back, because I couldn't walk as fast anymore as I had been able before. I just didn't know where he was taking me and why he was so keen on doing it and I feared that if I went with him, he'd continue what he started in the Biology classroom.

He scowled when he saw my face.

"Oh," he said, as realization drawled upon him. "We're going to my place." My eyes widened and now I did pull. He pulled me back, actually, he was pulling me towards the silver car.

He unlocked the car door with the button on the keys and then opened the door and pushed me inside. Before I could get out, he had already pushed the door close in my face. Once I was inside his car, I was again barely able to move.

He stepped inside the car as well and dumped both of the bags on me.

"Ouch," I murmured, angrily throwing the bags in the backseat. He didn't complain about how I treated his bag. I was so angry with myself.

This was going too far.

"Edward," I said almost silently.

He briefly glanced at me, but said nothing.

I buried my head in my hands and felt abandoned. I heard his chuckle from beside me.

"You know, I would have gotten you off, if you hadn't whimpered so loudly," he slurred like a drunk out of nowhere and I pushed my body down as well, so that my head was almost touching my knees. I must have heard it wrong. He was not talking about _that. That was impossible. _"It had only gotten that far, because you never told me to stop. So if there's anyone you want to blame for what happened," he briefly stopped and I glanced up and he continued while staring in my eyes, "blame yourself."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't believe he had just said that. He had touched me, inappropriately, in a classroom, and used me.

He started to drive, while I glanced back at my poor truck that was standing there on it's own. I wanted to go home. Not his home. I wanted to fly back to Mom, back to Phoenix. Instead, I was in my own personal hell with my own personal devil.

When I turned around, I saw that Edward had been looking at me.

"No," he said curtly, shaking his head, his voice normal again. "Only a small blame is on yourself. Most of the blame is that person that mistreated you in Phoenix." He turned his head back to me. "I apologize." My mouth fell open again. "It came out wrong and I only realized after I said that. Of course you aren't the one to blame. How can the child be guilty?"

I was staring back at my hands again and he sighed.

"You really aren't much of a talker. Just nod your head or shake it, but there's one thing I have to know before I start to train you."

He looked at me and locked our eyes.

"It's actually crucial for me to know."

I dropped my eyes. I felt like whatever he wanted to know, the answer would be embarrassing or bad or something I didn't want to answer.

"Have you been raped?" he asked.

I scowled, looking up. He was looking so intently at me, it almost scared me, because he was the one driving this car. I shook my head and his eyes briefly look relieved.

"Not raped," he slowly said to himself.

For a few minutes he only drove and I couldn't believe that he was the same boy as the one that had called himself a user and had pushed his hand was up my skirt. Because if I looked at him right now, he seemed like a careless boy that was merely driving his car and actually minded the traffic rules and looking over his shoulders when he made turns.

I panicked slightly when I realized I hadn't even paid attention to the road. I should have. What if he was bringing me somewhere else entirely?

Edward turned his head back to me.

"Have you been hit?" he asked.

I scowled again. It sounded weird, the way he asked it. Hit. I looked at him and he was still looking at me.

This time, I didn't answer him and he sighed again.

"Did you hit the person back?" he asked slowly.

Again, I did not answer.

"Were you able to defend yourself?"

His voice was the only one we heard and I didn't move my head.

Edward shook his head.

"Dear darling, what did he do to you?" he mumbled, mostly to himself. "If he'd see you now, he'd surely be pleased with how much he managed to break you."

I took a shaky breath and froze the moment he said that. He shook his head again.

"There's barely nothing left of you," he continued. I gasped. What did he mean?

He drove with the car in a forest and again I looked alarmed. Where the hell were we going?

When I noticed Edward looking at me again, he chuckled.

"So you figured it all out, huh? My big, big plans for you. All the bad, naughty things we'll do."

I covered my ears and pushed my head down. I couldn't hear anymore. Why was he saying all that? But maybe my life was just doomed and my time was up the moment I met him, when I was only a toddler.

"I'm going to take something away from you, something that can only be taken once." He chuckled.

The rest I didn't hear, because I shrieked loudly for a few seconds and when I was still, Edward fortunately had stopped talking.

"And I also would like-"

"No!" I shrieked, covering my ears once again.

I heard Edward's laughter.

He made one last turn and drove for another minute until he stopped in front of a big mansion that must have been his house. He got out of the car and walked to my side and opened the door for me. I had never put on the seatbelt so I didn't have to unlock it and when I turned my head, I was almost blinded by a few fingers that were close to my eyes. I stared at his hand and didn't take it. Instead, I got out of the car while trying to avoid him.

I stared up at him while he was toying with his phone and walking towards the mansion. Slowly, I followed him, at a distance of a few yards.

When he opened the door and stepped inside, I quickly followed. If I memorized where all the phones were, it would be easier for me to know where to run if things got out of hand.

"Hey, Coco," he called from some space from the house. "Do you want something to drink?"

I tried to follow where his voice was coming from and after the long hallway, found the door that led me to the kitchen. The biggest jar of whey protein was on the table and Edward dumped some in a glass with water. After he stirred it, he drank it all at once. Lazily he put the glass back on the table and noticed me standing by the door.

"There you are." He added some of the powder in the glass and filled it with water. He handed it over to me and I hesitantly took it. "Here, darling, you'll need it." He practically pushed me aside as he went to a staircase and went up. Slowly, I sipped the drink and sat on one of the chairs to read the etiquette of the jar.

_Right._

All the stuff that was written on that piece of paper. Only fools would believe that this powder actually worked. It didn't taste that bad, though. In a flash, Edward walked through the door in a different boxing shorts this time then he had worn at gym, though the difference was very small. It was still black and on top of that he was wearing a black, tight shirt, that fit his body perfectly. Too perfectly.

In one of his hands he had a bandage and he dumped a few clothes on the kitchen table.

_Who got hurt?_

Edward noticed me looking at the thing with a scowl.

"We still follow the rules, dearest. We wouldn't want you to break the bones in your pretty hands, now would he?" He jumped on the table in front of me, made himself comfortable there as he sat, and then took my hand and told me to keep it in the air for a second.

If it had been anyone else, I would have told him to back off.

When he put the beginning of the gauze, that's what it was, on the top of my wrist, he started to circle it, until it reached my thumb. He put the gauze on the inside of my thumb and forefinger until the whole thing was a thick mess. I grimaced at it. He barely noticed as he did the same with my other hand.

Had I already mention that I could not believe this was really happening? And that I was still hoping that rescue would come.

"Change into those as well," he said. "They should fit you." He nodded towards that clothes on the table which I had noticed earlier. He had brought them with the gauze.

He got up and walked away, taking the glass off the table and throwing the rest in the sink, dumping the glass there as well. He walked out of the kitchen again and I sat there for a moment, confused.

"Come outside when you're done," he called and I heard him step further away. I sighed and quickly pulled off my blouse and threw the wide, grey shirt on. I got out of my skirt and panty hose and got inside the boxing pants.

_God... They are his. __Oh God..._

My eyes widened.

Without barely being able to breath, I walked back outside and couldn't see him anywhere. I was not going to call him and not going to run after him.

So I sat on the ground where it wasn't wet and waited.

After two minutes or so I got bored and nervous and sighed deeply. It was cold outside and soon it would rain.

"Edward?" I called.

Where had he gone to? I pushed myself up and walked back inside the house, when he yanked me back. I turned around quickly and he grinned at me.

"So, are you ready?" he asked, getting in a boxing position with his hands that weren't covered in gauze.

My mouth opened a little in shock and he smiled. Oh, there's another one. Not a smirk or a grin, but a real smile. He stood straight again and crossed his arms.

"Run around the house two times, slowly, as a warming-up," he said.

I stood there, gaping at him. I was not going to run, and not on my own. That was embarrassing.

"Darling, you'll need it," he mused, then turned to walk back into the house.

_'For what?'_ I wanted to call back, but I would never forget this was Edward Cullen. Oh, I had to tell him my name. If I did it now, he'd laugh in my face, call his friends to say the I had returned and then he'd mock me some more. But it was better then this, the fear of what would happen if I kept this off any longer. I started walking towards the door, until I found him with his back to me.

"Look, my name is..." I barely whispered, scrunching my face at the difficulty of that one little task. I had never had to say two words out loud that were more difficult then Bella Swan.

He turned around, biting in an apple. All the muscles his jaw were moving with each chewing motion. I couldn't help but stare how every muscle moved. It was almost fascinating. I blinked and shook my head to myself.

He started to walk towards me and I completely froze. I stared in his eyes and he looked back at me, while he came to stand in front of me, and then leaning down.

"Listen, Ciko," briefly I scowled at the new and worst nickname, _kiekoo, _that's what it sounded like, "I am going to teach you how to box. It will not hurt you. It's really nothing more then a little self defence. And I will behave, up to the point that I can."

I looked at him suspiciously and he smirked.

"Sometimes I can't help myself," he said with a light shrug. "But your name, _why_ ever it is bothering you, is the last thing you should be thinking about now. Because we are going to do this."

I dropped my eyes and took a little step back. Oh. Well, the reason _why _ever it was bothering me, was so obvious, to me.

"So, stranger," he said, taking another bite of his aple and talking with a mouthful, "you'd better be back by the time I finish this." He pushed the apple a little in the air to show me.

My eyes had been caught by the way his muscles were moving, again, but just to make another point, he took another bite and I snapped out of it, again, and ran out of the house.

~#~

Up in the classroom is where I came to the conclusion that this girl is damaged.

Still, I tried and kept pushing her over the edge.

Forcing her to tell me to stop touching her, when she had obviously frozen with fear.

I had told her I'd steal her virginity and she must have believed me, if she understood me.

My threats were nothing but coquettish, to other girls even inviting, but with each comment, she tensed even more.

I threw the apple away without finishing it and ran out as well, to tell her she was late, even though it wasn't her fault, because I had barely given her ten seconds.

I just couldn't help myself.

I wanted to see her fall of the edge.

_Will she last long?_

Would she give in to me and have sex with me if I put my best efforts in it?

_Will she be beyond repairable, once I'm done with her?_

I jogged after her and kept my distance, waiting until she would notice me behind her.

_I'm going to lure her to the edge of the hill, and when she isn't looking, I will push her over it and watch her fall._

~#~

* * *

**A/N:** * Is this very cruel of Edward? * ? * ? * ? *

What did you eat this night?

Some people ask random questions to get reviews, I thought that was a fun way to try.


	6. Alter

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N: **Sorry if there are any mistakes, please tell me if you find awefully big ones or embarrassing ones, because I'll change the text if you tell me. You might find a few things 'strange' in this chapter, but please don't think I just let those strange things in the chapter because I didn't want to change it. They are there, because they must be there and in later chapters those things will be repeated.

If you don't find anything strange, then that's okay too, because eventually, the strange things will be explained.

Let's just say that the strange things have something to do with Edward's 'feelings' and 'mercy' for Bella. Yep. I think those are the correct terms.

You must think now, WHAT FEELINGS? HE'S AN ASS. WHAT MERCY? HE'S AN ASS.

Yeah... well...

Just read! Before I give a summary of all things that will happen.

One last thing. The title of this chapter will be explained too in that same later chapter. Unless you already figured it out after reading the chapter, but I highly doubt it.

* * *

**6. Alter**

I had begun my incredibly long run and was out of breath after something what felt like a minute. At the same time I looked at the different trees around me. One of them was really big and fat. It must have been decades old.

Finally I had run a circle around the house. I wasn't going to run again so I started walking towards the door, while panting all the time.

I hoped it would be over before he saw me. And I hoped he was still busy with eating that apple.

"Where is your fucking stamina?" Edward asked from no more then a few yards behind me. I spun around to see him reach me while running. "You can't even run."

My mouth opened a little, because the force of his words made me want to defend myself. For a year I had tried to improve my condition, but after months I was just as exhausted after a mile. I had tried.

"You don't lift your feet, you don't hunch forward and you're forcing your breathing."

I just tried to catch my breath, which was still a very hard task at the moment. It felt like I was being watched and scoffed at. I didn't like it but I just didn't have any luck.

"Another round, and this time I'll time you," he said.

I started my second hell because I wasn't a person that complained. It never gets you anywhere and Edward would get his way, so it didn't even matter if I tried to tell him it was no use.

By the time I made it to the big tree, I was hunching forward like Edward said, but this wasn't because he had told me to. I had to hunch forward to make the pain go away. It had begun at only my left side, and after a few more steps, both sides were covered in cramps.

It took my everything I had not to scream out in pain. I had a very high pain tolerance, but this was agonizing. I had never felt this kind of a pain before, but I continued running, until I saw Edward looking a little bored in front of him.

He probably did notice me, because I heard him say, "Twelve minutes and eleven seconds."

I stopped running and again Edward noticed without glancing at me.

"Timing stops the moment you pass me."

Damn this.

I tried running faster then I had done before, perhaps saving a few seconds, but felt a pain get high up my chest and I shrieked.

Like I said before, I had never been in this kind of a pain and it felt like I was dying and if I moved, the pain would only increase. I tried taking deep, slow breaths, but it still stung in my ribs.

"Are you ever going to get the fuck here?" he snapped and I looked in shock at him. I walked with a limp as fast as I could and was able to ignore most of the pain.

I had finally caught my breath from the stupid run and Edward seemed to be thinking. I slowly pushed my body a little more up, because I had been leaning down to make the pain go away. That position had only made me look smaller.

"Slipping," he said, "is the best way for you to defend yourself. If I'd hit you now, what would be the first thing to do on your mind?"

"Ehh," I mumbled, wondering why he was asking me a sudden question and what answer he wanted to hear.

"Let... you?" I answered unsurely.

For a moment he looked incredulous and then his eyebrows rose as in amazement.

He stepped forward.

"Let me?" he asked as if he hadn't heard quite right.

I shrugged. It must have been the wrong answer. Isn't that what he always did? Wasn't that his way of killing time?

_Wasn't he still that same person?_

"Let me, huh?" he asked with a little more force, while his bare left fist touched my right arm, shoving me a little to the side, but he quickly did the same on the other side, lightly pushing me with his right fist in my left arm. He shoved me a few more times, until his hands grabbed my shoulders and kept me steady.

He seemed so angry and I tried ducking out of his grip.

"No, no, no, you listen to me now," he said in a demanding voice. "Whatever the fuck the fucking bloke did to you, you ain't getting yourself fucking hit and fucking pushed! Not on my fucking watch. You fucking got that?"

I stared into his green eyes, and just nodded my head.

"Fuck." He sighed and looked down for a moment.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. How many times could a person curse?

He looked up. "Why are you apologizing for? Anyway, what I mean is that enough is enough. You can't live in fear, Coco. That is not living. And don't let me ever hear you talking like that again. No man will get you down without a fight." He smiled and I couldn't quite believe myself when I thought I heard an underlying tone. So when there was a fight, somebody could get me down?

I was thinking hard and for a moment, everything around me was blurry and so was my past with Edward.

For a moment, I was the Bella I could have been, if Edward, and Rosalie, and Tanya hadn't treated me in the past the way they did.

A person I never got to develop, but right now, I felt like this was how I probably could have been, a person without any worries and who never had to sleep with one eye open.

His hands were fast as he put them on either side of my face and came forward to me to press his lips against my forehead. While I had still been in that strange position of being a could have been Bella, I hadn't been fast enough to push Edward away or do something. I gasped at the contact. He pulled back, his hands slowly slipping down until they were by his side.

"That one's for luck. Don't ever wash it off," he said, smiling and looking in my eyes.

Nervously I looked around the space, trying to avoid eye contact. This was bad. This was very bad. I wanted to bury myself and die. At that moment, I really did. This was truly very bad.

He raised his hand, fingers pointing up and palm towards me.

"Now, I've decided we're going to this the other way around. First the attack and later the defence. Hit me."

Me eyes widened. "No, I can't-"

"Sweetheart, I've been knocked out twice in a game, your little fist won't even hurt me," he said, raising his other hand as well, but that one was in a fist.

I eyed his open hand and his fist. What was he up to?

"Like this, Coke," he said, showing me his fist. "First ball your tallest fingers like this and put your thumb on the rest. Don't put your thumb in your fist. Not that you will be able to now, but without the gauze, you'll most likely forget that one rule already."

I scowled and made a fist. I understood what he meant by what he had said. There was no way I could shove my thumb in my fist, even if I wanted to. All the gauze was blocking the way. Why would it matter if I did, though? It was just a thumb.

"That's it," he said and when I looked up, he was smiling. He had sounded so kind, as if that one motion actually made him glad. "Right here." He pointed at his still open palm in the air.

I bit my lip. I really didn't want to hit him or be the cause of any pain.

"Go on," he said, putting his hand a little bit more down and further in my direction.

But I couldn't be sure. I wondered what time it was and if we would really be here until five thirty.

"Nothing bad can happen," he said.

I looked into his eyes and he was staring back at me. At first his eyes just seemed a little bored, but then they changed into wonderment.

_Why did it feel like I was a boring case?_

Yeah, maybe I kinda was.

"I'll have no choice but to say you've failed this," he whispered, and I wasn't sure why he did that. "And still it wouldn't do you any good, because you'd still be forced to be in the ring for ninety seconds."

His eyes turned a little sad.

"It isn't fun being in the ring unprepared."

I sighed. By the time that would happen, I'd have fled. For sure.

"Talk to me," he whispered again. "Don't be frightened." My eyes went up to his. "Why were you afraid in the classroom? Why not just push my hand away? Or did I seem that frightful to you? Did you lied to me? Someone did rape you? You know, someone thrusting his finger inside you is rape too."

I gasped at his choice of words.

"No," I answered in a whisper as well, feeling a blush on my face. I hadn't even ever thought about that. My friends were quite decent people, a few weren't virgins anymore, but they never went into details. They just said that it wasn't something spectacular, because I had always been a little afraid of sex. Though that had nothing to do with Edward or Rosalie, but mostly myself. Being with no boys around me, just one gay friend, never going on a date and not going out very often, didn't improve me in any way to get rid of my fear. Maybe I'd never have sex. Maybe I'd die as a virgin.

"So, what is it that you were fearing?" he asked slowly.

"I can't tell," I mumbled. "So I failed, I guess I'll be going then." Without looking at him, talking seemed a little easier. I started to walk away from him, when he cleared his throat.

"I can't let that happen, sugar pie," he said from behind me.

"Why?" I asked, looking sideways for only a few inches. Not enough to actually see him.

He didn't say anything and soon I head his footsteps approaching me.

_Please let me go._

"Because we've still got a lot of work to do," he said, appearing in front of me.

There was a grin on his face as he put his hands on my shoulders.

"Shove them away," he said.

"What?" I asked incredulously, glancing at his car. That was my only resource to go back to school and not to forget, with Edward in it, because I did not know the way out of here.

"My hands. Get them rid off you, now."

For a moment I was again frozen in place by his demanding choice of words.

"I do mean that," he added when I didn't move one bit.

I gave in to him and dropped my eyes.

"What'm I supposed to do?" I mumbled incoherently.

"How? I don't care, just shove them away," he said, but I still wasn't sure. Should I push them away or just walk backwards? Both at the same time? Or first the left? Why not the right?

There were too many choices. I couldn't pick.

Edward cleared his throat again.

"Fine," he grumbled, shaking his head. "Put your hands on each other." That I could do and I did. "Raise them until they're in between my arms." Slowly I raised them and he told me to stop. "Now separate them." I did, and only lightly brushed his arms and the back of both of my hands remained on his arms.

He rolled his eyes.

"_Sweetheart,_" he said, drawling out the word for a long time. He let go of my shoulders himself and my hands remained up for a confusion second when he stepped forward and took my face again in his hands.

I gasped and wanted to step backwards, but when I saw his face, I was frozen.

Never would I forget that I could not trust Edward Cullen or any of his friends.

And what I was still doing here, I had no idea.

"You are royally fucked up, did you know that? Somebody messed you up completely, didn't he? You look at me as if _I _am the one that abused-" I made a dash out of his hands and my face was released, and while I stumbled a little, I started to run.

When I glanced back, Edward grabbed my wrist and quickly stood in front of me. He was scowling deeply.

"I'm not him," he said with something that seemed like a nervous little chuckle.

"I-I-I r-really sh-should be go-going," I stuttered, walking away again until I felt the pull on my arm. He hadn't let go of me. Please let me go. I was pretty much on the verge of crying.

"What relaxes you, Coco?" he asked out of nowhere. He stepped forward. "Is there something that takes away all your worries?"

When I didn't answer, he raised his eyebrows.

"What do you like?" he asked, almost as a silly question.

"I don't know," I said in a soft voice.

He sighed.

"Could you take a deep breath for me?" he asked nicely.

I did that, and it took me a second until my lungs were completely filled. I breathed out slowly. When it was all out, I noticed how Edward shook his head.

"I know what to do," he said, dragging me back to the house and through the same hall way and back into the kitchen.

My eyes were locked on his fingers around my wrist and expertly, he spun me around and walked into me, forcing me to take a few steps backwards so he wouldn't really walk into me.

"Sit," he demanded, pointing at the high chair. "And watch."

I sat on the chair and saw him get a bowl. Edward glanced back and his eyes stayed on me and my sitting position for a second to long.

"You know, if there's one thing I'm fucking perfect at, it's making omelettes," he said. He got a few eggs and cracked them in the boil. I had been so concentrated while looking him doing it, I almost burst out in laughter when a piece of the eggshell fell in it. He scooped it out as if it was no big deal. Not that it was, but I guess it was the nerves that made me want to laugh at something so silly.

He added around four or five more eggs, I didn't know, because I lost count pretty fast. I could really look at him now while he had his back to me. We were both wearing boxing clothes and to be more precise, they were his clothes. And he was cooking, for me. He mixed the eggs until he was satisfied. It was a glass bowl so I could see it too.

He found himself a huge, long knife and my eyes widened. It must had been five times bigger then the one Charlie had or even at Mom's house.

"Wow," I muttered.

I couldn't hide the little fear that raised inside of me and as if on cue, Edward chuckled. I made me blush and I wasn't quite sure why. I felt unfair.

"You wanna try?" he asked, cutting the ends off of a onion and peeling off the peel.

"What?" I asked uncertainly.

"Come here," he said, while he cut the onion in two.

"Why?"

"You're going to miss the biggest opportunity of your life, my sweetest," he said, started to cut one half of the onion into shreds. When he finished that one, he started with the second.

I just looked and still didn't know what he was referring to.

"Are you sure?" he asked, briefly stopping with the cutting.

Slowly, I did get up, maybe it was out of curiosity and I stood beside him. He looked down at me when he noticed me and handed me over the knife. Without touching his hand, I took it and just held it in my hand. He was already on his way to grab a shredder and cheese. While he added cheese in the eggs, I tried cutting the onion. That must have been the task. The stupid knife was also ten times heavier and twenty times harder to handle then the one I was used to. It took me for ever to make a few cuts in the onion. Just when I was about he make a few shreds, Edward laughed.

He stepped a little closer to me and nudged.

"You failed handling the big, scary tools," he quipped, and with that, he grabbed the knife out of my hand and was done in less then a few seconds. That's unfair. "But not boxing. I could still teach you, if you want. Also, if it makes you more comfortable, you could ask Mike. He could teach you too. Instead of me." My mouth opened in shock but luckily he didn't see as I was behind him again and he was putting the onions in the bowl. "He's pretty good at boxing."

Now I felt the shock for real. Did Edward compliment Mike? How was that even possible? After all he had done to him.

"Coki, you're not allergic for eggs or cheese or some shit, are you?" he said, turning around while scratching his neck. He looked a little alarmed.

"Uh, no, I'm not," I said. For some reason, I could talk to him now. It was a little easier, but maybe because this felt different. He wasn't my boss like this. This was just cooking. He's better at boxing and maybe better is not even the word, since I know nothing about boxing.

_Coki? _How did he come up with all those names?

"Good," he said in a sigh. "You're not just saying that out of fear, because I wouldn't be able to do anything if you fell on the floor after eating it and then blowing all up and then dying."

I walked backward, eying him carefully while I sat back in the chair. Edward put some oil in a pan and put it on the fire. He grabbed it after a minute, steering it so that the oil was spread. He put the pan on the countertop and steered the bowl until the mix fell into the pan. When the pan was full, he put it back on the stove.

He turned and walked to me as if he had a mission. It just seemed very determined.

I had in the meantime sank down the chair and put my arms on the table, while my head was on my hand. I quickly sat straight and Edward stood behind me.

"So, what's it gonna be? Do I get a re-examination?" He put his hand on my shoulders, but this wasn't a test, because he started to rub them.

He was using quite a lot of force and it hurt my muscles and neck, though I didn't dare to tell him.

"You're very tense," he said. "Did that happen in only a matter of seconds? Or have you been this tense the entire time?"

His fingers were pressing so hard in my skin, I forced myself up, trying to get out of his hands.

"That's your doing, darling, not mine. It only hurts when someone is stressed. Otherwise it's very pleasurable."

Thankfully he stopped and leaned over for a second. I froze again but he didn't say anything, or whisper as I had thought he would, he stood up straight again and walked to the pan to turn the omelette.

It did smell good and I hadn't eaten much at lunch.

He didn't turn back again so I found myself with my head on my hand and Edward got out two plates. He pushed the omelette on one plate and but it on the countertop and then added the rest of the mix in the pan and put it back on the stove.

"Ready to blow away your tongue?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. He put the plate in front of me.

"Huh?" was the sound that nervously came out of my mouth.

He rolled his eyes and found me a fork.

"Just eat," he said a little jokily.

So it was then, I glanced at the clock, at seven past three that I was at Edward Cullen's house, eating an omelette that he had just made for me.

I cut off a piece and put it in my mouth. My eyes widened when finally I tasted the cheese through the eggs, and the onion and he had added salt and pepper even though I had never seen him do that. At that point I didn't care if he was still staring at me, because it tasted wonderful. I scooped a huge piece on my fork and enjoyed his stupid omelette.

I absolutely loved food. Food was my passion.

Slowly, he walked back to the pan, and when I looked at him, he was walking backward and his eyes were on me.

He put the second omelette on his plate and sat next to me. I was half busy enjoying the food, but my other half knew about the big, bad wolf sitting next to me.

He nudged me with his shoulder and I wasn't sure why. My hair fell in front of my face and I was glad for that.

It surprised me how he didn't say a word and ate his omelette. At least he wasn't expecting me to say something back. He was faster then I was and soon he had caught up with me.

He finished the omelette and I couldn't eat the rest anymore.

"It was pretty good," I said, just to be polite.

_What the...? _He brought his hand to my plate with the fork in his hand, and scooped up some on his fork and ate it.

"You were done, right?" he asked, quickly eating the rest of my omelette while I just nodded my head.

He didn't even say _thank you_ or _you're welcome_.

"Get yourself a drink if you want, I forgot about that," he said, while still eating.

I was thirsty and I got up to get a glass of water. It was also my way to get away from him. I opened a few doors, hoping he wouldn't mind, and I found a glass. When I had filled it and had it close to my mouth, Edward told me something quite catching.

"I'd like the take you upstairs for a moment."

I stopped raising the glass and dropped it, accidentally. It just slipped out of my fingers and I was too late to get a better grip on it. It made a shattering noise.

Edward glanced at me and then choked on his food, it had been the last bite, and when he recovered, he laughed. He hit the table a few times with his hand.

"I'm n-not-" I began, but Edward jumped off his seat and even jumped in front of me. "S-sorr-sorry." Glass and water was everywhere.

"Going upstairs has more meanings," he said, while still laughing. He took another glass and filled it. He surprised me by giving it to me. This time I held it tightly as I drank and put it on the sink. I hadn't finished it, the cup was still half full.

He took it, and drank the rest of it.

His mouth was on exactly the same spot where mine had just been and my mouth dropped a little. Did he know that? Was he aware of that?

Edward steered his head while taking huge gulps, and I don't know why it happened when his eyes landed on my face, and what my face looked like, but he spit all the contents out of his mouth in the sink and on the wall. He coughed violently and I took a few steps back while his body was practically compulsing.

"Are you...?" I asked nervously, but stopped when Edward had continued where he had stopped moments ago, that is, with laughing. He seemed okay.

I heard the glass fall in the sink and he was still laughing loudly as he pushed himself up.

His head snapped to me, the laughter had died out and now there was only something that looked like pity in his eyes and a smile on his face. Slowly, he walked to me.

"Has a boy ever kissed you on the mouth?" he asked.

I would never understand why that question was so interesting, to boys but girls as well. People always seemed to ask that question and I always gave the answer, which I hated. The fact was that I had never had a boyfriend because I had never found the time for it. A few boys had shown interest, but I always avoided boys that liked me. I wasn't ready for a relationship. It was such a big thing, when there was a boy that you'd have to call your boyfriend and visa versa.

Though, with other people, the question was simple, like, 'Have you ever been kissed?' The way Edward was asking it, made me want to lie about my lack of experience.

His smile got wider and I even think his eyes turned softer, but when I blinked, it was gone, and it must have been the light playing tricks on me.

With my silence, he knew the answer was no and I regretted it deeply. I should have lied and said that I had been kissed by a boy on the mouth.

"Up we go then," he said, as if he'd never asked me a question and he turned back to the same tall hallway. He turned to the left and walked up the stairs. I followed.

The house was so big, but some places seemed so dark and even scary. Edward wasn't troubled by anything, but I hoped he wouldn't lead me to an equally dark room with half broken lights.

What surprised me was when he walked to a room that was big, light and contained different kinds of boxing material.

"To tell you the truth," he said, turning around and his hands a little up as if to explain it better, "I don't come here often, but maybe you'll learn better with this instead of hitting me." He smirked. "Impressed?"

Well, they were rich, that was noticeable. It was obvious by just one look at the house, but these people had everything. It looked like a gym, _but_ a boys gym. Most of the things were to gain muscles. I didn't see anything that I'd use if I'd be in the gym.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?" he asked as my eyes reached the window. I looked at him.

"It's-eh, just, with the..." I scowled. "My name."

I was a stuttering mess if I tried talking to him and I never stuttered. I felt weaker that way.

"But what's in a name?" he said, glancing at me as he started walking to a little boxing thing and started hitting it. As it moved, I barely saw it move, it was going that fast and Edward kept the same rhythm.

_Shit._

Was I supposed to be able to do that too? That fast? I would never be able to do it. It required so much concentration, I could see that and how Edward never left his eyes of it. Well, I didn't see his eyes, but his head didn't move.

"Fucking nothing," he said. "You're still the same fucking person. A name doesn't change that."

Wow, he could talk and continue hitting it. He changed hands while continuing with the same strength and speed. I really couldn't do that. It was impossible.

Girls and boxing didn't even seem like a combination. All those big muscly arms weren't pretty on a girl. Edward's arm wasn't that big as I would have expected it to be, especially if he did this already for a few years and a few days a week. Did he?

Oh, but I still couldn't do that and I hoped he'd keep quiet and not tell me to do that too.

"Come over here."

_Oh, no._

"I can't."

"You can't come over here?" he asked, his voice mocking.

"I can't do that," I said, pointing at the ball even though he didn't see.

"Have you ever tried?" he asked.

"No, but-"

"Then get your fucking ass over here, right now," he said, giving it one last hard punch that almost broke the thing of the iron that it was hanging on and as it continued to still move on its own, Edward turned and stared me dead in the eye.

The last thing I wanted was Edward to be angry and I took a few big steps towards him.

I glanced at the hanging thing, which stood now still.

"This isn't difficult," he said. I looked at him and caught a little amusement in his eyes. He put his hand on my shoulder and pushing me in front of him, between him and the ball. I couldn't concentrate with him so close behind me.

"This is a speed bag, it improves your reflexes. Keep both your hands up, it's easier that way."

I saw his arms get around me and he put his fingers over mine, balling them. He then pushed his hands lower, so that he was grabbing my wrists and brought them up.

"Just like this." He was the one bringing my fist to the bag, fist the left, then the right. The bag barely bounced and made less noise then when Edward hit it. "This is the simplest technique to begin with. We won't go any farther then this today. Well, you won't. If you keep this up for an hour, you'll soon notice that you're improving faster then you would have thought."

He released my wrists and stood beside me.

"Though it rather high for you, isn't it?" he said, watching my body, his head going up and down. I ducked my head slightly away from him.

He walked toward the corner of the room and there was a little crate. He put it on the place where I was standing and raised his hand. I stared at it and then snapped my eyes to his. His eyes showed worry, but it quickly changed.

"I'm just helping you out," he said, and I found myself lifting my hand. I still had to reach for his hand for a few more inches, but he had brought his hand fast towards mine and helped me up on the crate. It made me just as tall as Edward now. I quickly released his hand and pushed mine back to my side.

He smirked.

"That must feel different for once," he wondered, while walking backwards. He went to a table with a few stuff and I noticed he had another piece of gauze. I looked at him starting to put it on his hand, using the same techniqe he had used on the ones when he put them on my hands. When he was done with his left hand, he looked up at me and caught me staring.

"You're mute, I get that, but please don't stop moving as well. Hit that mother fucker."

Ouch. I wasn't a mute. And he had developed a way with using words that I had never heard before.

He cut off another piece of gauze and started to put it around his second hand. He made fists out of his hands once he was done and turned his back to me and began.

Shit.

_Holy shit._

There was a tall, worn out bag, very thick and heavy looking, on which he was currently punching. He arms went from the left and the right, sideways or straight at it and my mouth hung open.

I felt too embarrassed to hit the speed bag and instead was watching him, since he couldn't even see me with his back facing me.

He continued and continued and I saw his muscles clearly each time his fist hit the bag. Never did he turn to look back at me. Never did he even talk or acknowledge me.

Then his body turned into a sweat and my breathing turned faster.

Edward Cullen, school's popular boy, ladies man, very sexual active and user, had me drawn to him, which was so very wrong.

Not only because he was popular, a ladies man, _very _sexual active and a user, but because he had tormented me for year in school when I was a kid. He stole Alice from me, a girl that could have been a friend to me. He forced me to smoke, practically, and that almost killed me.

It almost killed me, because I had been sent to Mom, by a very angry Dad, and had been grounded for weeks for a crime I did not even do.

In a way, he also saved me. Not just him, no, but Rosalie too, who had the cigarette, and Tanya, who laughed, Emmett, that had always been at Edward's side and also Lauren, who joined Tanya. Those people did something bad to me, which brought me something better, namely Phoenix. It brought me to a new place, away from them, I got a chance to make new friend, asked out on dates and to try and live.

Edward stopped and turned, crossing his arms. My eyes widened as he stepped forward, towards me.

"W-what? I-I'm s-sorry." I quickly turned on the crate in an attempt to look at the speeding ball and hit to it, but I had turned too fast and put my foot in the air instead of on the crate. My whole weight had the impact of falling on that ankle, but I was lucky. It didn't sprain because my shoes were strong enough to block that path.

However, I did fall on the floor, flat on my face.

As fast as I had layed there, I pushed myself up to prevent something awkward.

When I looked up, Edward hadn't come closer to me, in fact, he had stopped walking and had a smile on his face.

My mouth opened a little, and I didn't know if I was annoyed or shocked about the fact that he was smiling.

Our eyes locked for a few seconds, until I broke the contact. I was so ready to leave this place and never come back. Why didn't he jsut say it already? Why didn't he call it a day? I was done and I didn't feel like boxing.

I was so done.

I just wanted to go home, back to my safe place. I didn't want to be here, where it was unsafe.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, the smile still on his lips, his eyes still crossed. His eyes softened when we were looking at each other.

I nodded, my hair falling in front of my face and my eyes dropping.

He chuckled and shook his head.

"Sit, watch and learn," he said. I scowled a little when he was about to turn, so he stopped turning and looked at me too.

I was about to raise my hands in an attempt to ask him what in earth it was the he wanted, but he only raised his hand and pushed his finger down, in a way I had other people see it doing too.

For some reason, that one action made me sit down on the crate.

Oh. Now I remembered who those other people who made that motion were. People who owed a dog and wanted the dog to sit down. When saying sit didn't work, they did that finger motion, some dogs understand that much better.

Oh.

Before I could say something, like _'I'm not a dog,' _he had turned back and I saw his shoulders hunch a little a few times.

I grimaced, because he was laughing at me, but was also hiding that fact from me, or at least, he thinks he was hiding it from me.

"I... I'm not..." I began, biting my lip. "Y-You j-just..." I groaned quietly and hated myself at that moment, absolutely detested myself and my whole being.

His voice changed somehow then. While he was punching the bag again, his voice had turned to a complete different voice and I was confused.

"Relax," he said, "Look, girl."

My head told me not to freak out and not to forget that he had called himself a user, but my body went rigid and I gasped. I watched him carefully, but he didn't turn as he hit the bag.

"Left, left, left," he said, punching. "Then turn to right." He hit three times hit his right. "Make combinations." Left, right, left.

He wasn't punching as fast and hard as he had been doing anymore. He was going slower and I was able to see the movements better now.

I think he was trying to teach me.

"Make any combination, nothing is strange, nothing is impossible," he said, hitting a few more times, randomly. "You see?" He turned and motioned for me to follow him. When I noticed he was going towards the door, I jumped up and quickly followed.

"What now?" I asked.

_Please dismiss me._

"It's getting late and I think we've done everything we could have done today," he said. "I'm taking you home."

Thank you, God and Gods up there, thank you so much! For a moment, I couldn't stop smiling, not even when Edward glanced at me, and then, something registered to my mind.

"You mean school?"

He waved his hand dismissively.

Where ever we were going, we were not going home! Home meant Charlie and Charlie meant dad.

It must have really been a slip up, because he brought me back to the car, never giving me a chance to change, just to grab my clothes, and drove me back to school. We didn't say a word and it was silent in the car. When we reached the school, I grabbed my bag.

I didn't thank him.

He didn't say goodbye.

~#~

The girl was too submissive for this world. The boy that had done this to her, had managed to get her in the position where she is too afraid to make a choice.

_The simple act of pushing my hands away was too hard for her._

How could a boy do that to a girl? What abilities could he possibly have?

For some reason I envied that boy. He had done a damage that I had never ever seen on a girl before. He had damaged the girl. He had made her fearful of all her surroundings. She had no trust, but was too afraid to say the word no. She had become an easy target.

Even if my life depended on it, I could not figure out what it took to break a girl like that. The boy had done it expertly, perfectly and very detailed.

And then that moment where I was joking, simply joking, but it had made her whole body go alert. Did I perhaps look like the kid that did all the bad things to her? Remind her of him? Maybe I should ask her. After my joke, she stuttered. She stuttered as if I was him, in flesh and blood.

I really need to find out what it is that frightens her.

Her face when I mentioned going upstairs or when I drank out of her glass. It was funny and sad at the same time, because not only was she a virgin, she had also never been kissed. She was a virgin in every way. I felt a small pang of shame, because maybe I had gone too far in the classroom. I was the one that should be leading her the way, not dragging her over it. That required trust, but gaining trust, costs time.

The pure relief on her face when I told her we were done for the day. I knew for a fact that she wasn't relieved about finally being able to go home. No, she was relieved, because she didn't have to be around me anymore. She really didn't want to be around me, but that would change soon enough.

As of today, I had gained some more information about this mysterious girl.

Firstly, when I asked her to do something, she did it. And I wondered how far she could possibly go with that. Would she have boundaries? Or would she do anything I asked her to do?

Secondly, when I demanded something, she did it fast. Yes, she was more fearful then when I asked nicely, but this way she did things I wanted from her in a quick way.

And I couldn't wonder if I was going to use this newly found information on the poor girl, and if I did, what was it that I would want from her.

~#~


	7. Haunt

**Disclaimer: **I am not Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** Ideas keep popping in my head, everything is starting to get more detailed. I have read this chapter over and over again. It feels like the chapter still isn't perfect, but I'm going to post it anyway and hope you all think it's acceptable.

**Song:** Damaged by Plumb. Though many people say the song is about rape, I don't think that really has to be true. Abuse fits the picture as well.

{I'm scared and I'm alone. I'm ashamed and I need for you to know. I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say. And you can't take back what you've taken away. Cause I feel you. I feel you near me. Will anyone get close to me? I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know. There's mending for my soul. An ending to this fear. Forgiveness for a man who was stronger. I was just a little girl, but I can't go back.}

**Song that fits a little: **My Immortal by Evanescence. Every time I listen to this song, it reminds me of a mother that has lost her child a long time ago.

{I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fear. You're face it haunts. My once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away, all of the sanity in me. These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just to real. There's just too much that time can not erase.

* * *

**7. Haunt**

It was as if the moment his car drove back to where he had come from, my body felt as if it was in tremendous danger. The moment he left, I got back some sanity and sense of the things that happened around me.

Even walking to my truck felt like forever and the act of simply opening the door to sit there while the air began to get warmer was difficult for me.

I hated myself even more, because I had shown him too much weakness and too much fear. Any other animal could have sensed my fear from miles away. I felt like the biggest fool and I had embarrassed myself, but I couldn't help it.

Being around him felt dangerous.

_I was running with the little creation I had made. Daddies cruiser was parked at the very ending of the parking line._

_The thing was, I fell often, and when running like this, I made that chance even bigger. But I was just a kid and I didn't care if I fell. I liked running._

_Today, however, it was not my own clumsiness that made me fall. It was a leg that had shot in front of me, and when I crashed on the ground on my hands and knees, I looked back to see the new kid, the one that I had seen with Edward at lunch break. It must have been Emmett. Edward's brother._

_I wondered if I was able to tell him 'hello' or if that would be stupid after what he had done to me. I was glad we weren't in the same class, because he didn't seem like a nice boy._

_Many people around me had talked about them. They had only missed a month or so of school, but I didn't know where they had come from. I had only learned their names and what looks belonged to who. This had to be Emmett, if the other boy, who had called himself 'my worst nightmare' just a few hours ago, was Edward. That remained only one other boy, Jasper, whom I still had to see._

_I wished the girls were better, Rosalie and Alice. I kind of liked those names. And maybe Jasper was nice too._

_"Are you okay?" a man asked me. He leaned down and I quickly stood up. I didn't like other people helping me to get up, even though it was just because they were trying to be nice._

_"Yes, sir," I replied. The man turned so that his back was fully against Emmett. Emmett stuck out his tongue at me. There goes my idea of being polite to him._

_"Are you sure?" he asked, watching me with a slight bit of concern._

_"I was jus running real fast," I explained, waving my hand once as if it was nothing. I quickly brushed my hands against my pants, getting rid of the sand that was on it._

_The man picked up my drawing and glanced at it._

_"That's cool," he said. The man was really nice. He also looked really young and had really light blond hair._

_I grinned at him. I always grinned when I got compliments. It was my thing. My mommy even said I got eyes that 'flirted' when I got compliments from boys or men, what ever that meant! When she had told, it had sounded like a good thing._

_"Thank you," I said. The man smiled back._

_"I'm their father," he said, pointing at Emmett and then in the car at Edward._

_Oh. I hadn't seen him. I gave him a wave and he smiled. I smiled too. So Edward _could_ be nice._

_"You guys have met?" he asked when their father turned back to me. The moment the man's back was turned against Edward, he gave me the finger. My mouth went open in shock._

_"Y-Yes," I stuttered. I pointed back to my daddies cruiser. "I have to go. Bye, mister."_

How was he able to still get to me? After all those years, you would think that I had found some strength to survive on my own.

_"Hello, ugly duckling," Edward said the next day. I looked at him in shock. The book that I had been reading was taken from under my nose. "What are you doing?"_

_"Well, I was reading," I mumbled._

_He huffed._

_"So did little Bella like my dad? Because apparently, he thinks of you as a cute little kid!" he exaggerated._

_"Edward," I said, while smiling. "I understand it must be difficult for you to come to a whole new city with new kids and that you need someone to take it all out to. But," I said, getting up and finding a big daisy, it must have been seven inches. I cut it off the ground with my fingers and stepped back to Edward. "It's okay." _

_I played with the daisy in my fingers, turning it around. I kept my eyes on it. _

_"Will you be my friend?" I asked him. Hardly anyone ever rejected a friend. I could say that I should have known better and taken his words from yesterday quite literally, but I just refused to believe he actually thought of himself as my worst enemy. He didn't even know me! So that's why I asked him to be my friend, so that we could get to know each other. Besides, he hadn't done anything bad to me, except from pointing me the finger and calling me a bad name. This morning I had found out that he was in second grade, so he was technically a year older. Maybe the older kids thought him all those bad habits._

_I put the daisy in front of the table, closest to him. When I looked up, he glanced at it, and then back at me._

_Slowly, he picked it up and turned it in his fingers like I had done. I smiled when he did so. See? He wasn't such a bad boy. He could be my friend. Emmett would apologize. And all would be well._

_He leaned in a little closer. His eyes seemed so hostile and I leaned away from him._

_"Didn't you hear me? I am your worst nightmare, not a friend." He threw the flower somewhere behind me and with big eyes and a little pain in my chest, I stood up, quickly grabbed the book out of his hand and went back inside._

That strength had never come. My body may have grown into a eighteen year old girls body, but inside of me lived a small little girl that wasn't much older then the age of six.

I didn't get it.

_From that day on, he changed my life forever. I met Rosalie and Alice too. Alice was kind, but for some reason never talked to me. She was often with Jasper, the one and only male Cullen that didn't bully me like the others did. Rosalie quickly made friends, like Tanya and Lauren. They became best friends and often joined Edward. Emmett did so too._

_But I never knew why. I had never meant them any harm and I tried telling them so many times. They just wouldn't listen._

_They were the reason why nobody wanted to really be my friend. I didn't know what they told the other kids, but whatever they did say, it made me look like a really foul person to the other kids._

Time was supposed to mend broken souls.

_Everyday I started to feel more alone and less safe. It were just the small things they did._

_First grade was nice in the beginning. They were thankfully in second grade. All of them, except Alice and Jasper. They were in first grade, just like me. At some times, they would talk to me, or sit with me, but most of the time, they chose to ignore me._

_When the year came to an end, I was happy to be allowed to go the second grade. Except on that day when I heard the teacher say to another teacher who would have to do the year over. _

_Edward._

_Rosalie._

_Emmett._

_Lauren._

_Tanya._

_I think she called them too playful and one more year in second grade would do them good._

_So that's how I went from first to second grade, right into their hands. You could say I had thrown my body, tasty and alive, to the sharks, but if I had had a choice, I would have stayed one extra year in first grade, just to avoid them all. So it really was the teacher's doing._

_Rosalie would always remind me that I was ugly and never wore pretty clothes._

_Tanya liked to hit me, often on my shoulder. Some days it hurt so much, I couldn't sleep on that shoulder. She wasn't strong or anything, she just hit the same place over and over again. Eventually, it just bruised._

_Lauren ruined my works, which resulted in me getting an F for the painting we had to hand in, or sometimes she actually stole my test from right under my nose and threw it away. The teacher scolded me about it, and I had no more strength to tell her that it wasn't my fault._

Time was supposed to heal.

_In third grade Lauren stole a test that we had been working on for an hour. It was such an important test and she just stole it. That day I snapped._

_It was a mistake that I had to bear for the rest of my life._

_I raised my hand, ignoring the glare Lauren was giving me._

_"Miss? Lauren took my test."_

_To make the effect look better, I also pointed at her._

_"What is that you're saying? Lauren, is that true?"_

_"No," she said, but the teacher saw her hiding it behind her back. She grabbed it and told Lauren to stand outside._

_For that moment, I was happy, but when lunch came, I was suddenly cornered by all of them. The teacher was nowhere to be seen._

_It was the one and first time that I actually feared them. The other times had been uncomfortable for me, sometimes even annoying, but today I feared them._

_"I hate you, and I hate that ugly face of yours! I can't stand to look at it! Do you know what crap I just had to listen to?" She grabbed my hair and gave me one hard shove towards the ground. I had no time to break the fall with my hands. My head had to do all the hard work. I fell hard on the right side of my head and felt hot liquid run over my forehead._

_I think I blacked out for a moment too. Tanya kicked me hard in my stomach and I screamed._

_"Shut up!" she hissed._

_Her foot almost connected with me again, when Edward stood between us._

_"Wait," he said, looking down at me. "She's bleeding."_

_I didn't know if he said that in a concerned manner or a 'we must quit because we don't want her dead' manner._

_"Let's go!" Lauren screeched. She and Tanya ran away._

_So they didn't want me dead. Just hurt. I started to cry when I brought my hand to my head and felt the blood. I closed my eyes in defeat when I saw the red liquid on my hand._

_"Edward, come on!" Emmett said._

_Edward looked up at Emmet and without a second glance at me, he was running even faster then Emmett._

Time was supposed to do that.

_I layed there for a long while. It was later when I was in the hospital for stitches when I heard from the doctor that the teacher noticed I was missing after fifteen minutes when class had started and she had searched for me._

_She was shocked, to say the least, and when she had picked me up, I had finally gone unconscious._

Why hadn't time healed me?

_It was Dr. Cullen himself who put the five stitches in the cut. He said it would scar, but my hair would fall over it, so nobody would see it. He was trying to make me feel better, but I knew more then him. I knew his kids were rotten demons and that they had been the cause of this._

_ I smiled at him and told him it was just a bad fall. I had been running too hard again._

_He believed me and nodded his head. He told me not to run for the next few weeks. My head needed healing. He joked about the place, saying better on my head then my face. You can't hide a scar on your face. Mine would be easily hidden._

Was I an outcast?

_"Thank you, doctor," I said. "I'll be careful next time."_

_I won't near Lauren again._

_'ll make sure Tanya won't kick me in my stomach again. _

_I'll try and not fear what Emmett could possibly do._

_And I'll shut up when I'm around Edward._

Is that why time had abandoned me?

_"Bella, I'll sue that school!"_

_"No, daddy, I had fallen, it was my fault! My best friend was sick that day, and if she had been there, she would have warned the teacher instantly!"_

_"But Bella..."_

_"It was nothing, daddy! The class is so full, and I'm just fine. I've had worse."_

_I couldn't come up with something worse, actually, but that didn't matter. He believed me and that's all that mattered._

Or had the knives cut me too deeply for them to heal completely?

_The next day, I was allowed to stay home, and I slept in, watched television and ate everything I liked._

_Only the day afterwards, I was laughed at. _

_Dr. Cullen had told me to keep the stitched area uncovered, until the stitches were out. That was better for the wound and it wouldn't get a nasty infection. So a lot of hair on the right side was pushed left and the stitched up cut was visible this way._

_Apparently, my brain was 'leaking' out and they thought it was funny. I had gone to the toilet to look at the stitched area, but all that I saw were stitches, my own skin and a little bit of dried blood. There was no brain leaking._

_Even after the stitches had been out and my hair was hanging back normal, they still thought it was funny to say that my brain was leaking out of my head._

Was my skin scarred forever?

_A few months later, they wanted me to smoke. But they had done so much more to me. They had hurt me on a daily basis, even on the days when they left me alone, which were rare, but still there. Because on those rare days, I would watch my back the entire day and that was not a pleasant feeling._

_Feeling unsafe._

Maybe I just needed more time. There's always more time, and maybe that's all that I needed.

People always told me that there were other people who had it so much worse then me, on days when I complained about going to school or that I wasn't feeling well. People in Africa, who were poor kids and had no chance for this life.

That thought made me feel better for a little while, grateful of what I have, but when I was remembered of all the things that I had had to go through in the past, that thought was of no comfort. Those days I just wanted to be alone and cry.

I started driving home, and the rain had only fallen faster since Edward had left. I didn't dare to drive real hard, because even though I couldn't stand myself at some days, it didn't mean I had a death wish.

I sighed in relief when I didn't see Charlie's cruiser anywhere. I wasn't in the mood to change in the car. When I had my bag, clothes and keys in my hands, I ran to the entrance and unlocked the door. I had still gotten wet so I just went to the bathroom for a shower.

When I was only in a towel, I stuffed everything that seemed important in the biggest bag I owned. I wanted to go. I had to go.

Clothes, money, books, creams, make up, hairbrush and my pills. They were more like a medicine, which happened to be the contraception pill. It was just a fancy named syndrome that I had and I didn't really care. It didn't affect me in my life, so why let it bother me?

_I've had worse._

Outside, I heard Charlie's cruiser. After a minute, the door downstairs opened. He didn't call for me, but that was better.

But the more stuff I started to shove in my bag, the more unreal my plan looked. I didn't dare to go. Where would I go? What explanations would I give my friends in Phoenix? My Mom didn't really want me back there, at least, not at the moment. I had only been here for two days.

I stopped searching for stuff and grabbed my hair. I almost screamed out loud, but instead I grabbed my bag and threw all of its contents on my bed and threw them back on their original place.

I put on a pair of jeans and a sweater, a pair of socks. I didn't bother putting shoes on.

Charlie was sitting on the coach when I reached him.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted.

"Hey," I said. "Pizza?"

"Sure," he said. "How was school?"

"It was fine," I said, exaggerating my voice.

I put the oven on and put two pizza's in it. There were only two kinds in the freezer, so it couldn't go wrong.

Without telling him I was going up, I went to my room and put on my computer. I grabbed Edward's clothes and threw them under my bed. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. I grabbed them out again and threw them in the washing machine along with the clothes I had worn today.

I added some fabric softener that smelled flowery. I did that for my clothes, not his.

With a sigh, I sat behind the computer and opened my emails.

_Bella!_

_I miss you too, sweetie! You'll get used to the rain! Promise!_

_We'll see each other soon, kay? Could you come here maybe for Christmas? I don't know if I can miss you until the Summer break!_

_Ciao_

_Thom_

_P.S. Alex told me to say Hi to you, his computer broke down._

I hit the reply button.

_Hi Thom and Alex,_

_I don't know about Christmas, I'll have to ask Charlie and Renee, they have to agree too, you know?_

_Thanks,_

_xxx_

_Bella_

I read the next message.

_Hi, girl, what's up? How was the friends reunion? I wish I could have seen it! Good luck with the rain. xx Kelly._

The kids still needed to find out who I was and I was quite sure I wanted her to miss that.

_Hi, it was great Kelly, and the rain is getting bearable. See you soon, I hope, xxx Bella._

The others hadn't mailed back yet, but they were usually very busy in general. It saved me telling more lies.

Twenty minutes had passed and the pizza was just about right. I hated the hot iron thing, but managed to get both pizza's out without getting any blisters.

I put the Hawaii pizza in front of him and picked the one with mushroom for myself.

"Thanks, Bella. You really didn't have to do that."

"Putting a pizza in an oven?" I replied dryly.

He mumbled something and we ate in silence as we watched a baseball game. It was boring but it killed time. The pizza tasted so good. Charlie had finished before I had and I took his plate with mine once I had finished too.

"Night," I said.

"Night, Bella," he said.

I quickly washed the plates and dried them off. I smiled a little as I saw all my surroundings.

This place hadn't changed one bit. It was as if no time had passed. My eyes snapped around me again, only with a little more force.

_As if now time had passed._

Maybe that was the reason why I felt as if time hadn't healed all the wounds over the years. Because maybe, technically, no time had passed. And wounds needed time to heal. Or maybe this universe didn't allow me to have any time. Maybe I was being punished for my own weakness.

I sighed, shaking my head.

_Silly._

Of course not.

That night though, I had a nightmare.

Edward Cullen had both his hands on my neck and he was strangling me. I felt my lungs burning and as he continued pressure, the people around him just laughed. Not just Lauren, Tanya and Rosalie. Jessica had added the club. My mother was there too, my father, my friends from Phoenix, teachers and blurred faces.

As my body didn't get any air and the seconds ticked by, all of those faces blurred, with the exception of one. Edward held my eyes and there was no grief, sorry, of mercy in them. He wanted me dead and as I closed my eyes in that nightmare, my real ones opened.

I woke with my whole body jerking up and I was in a sitting position. The last thing I had done in my dream was screaming, but now it felt as if I had done that out loud. I nervously glanced at the door, but Charlie didn't come in and after listening intently, I heard his quiet snoring.

With my body covered in sweat, I lay back down and stared at the ceiling. My breathing was labored, as if someone had really just choked me.

Why did I keep having these awful dreams, things that were far worse then what they had actually done to me? Why was a torturing myself, why did my brain do this to me? I probably had gained a messed up imagination over the years, because of them. I wasn't dreaming about a boy kissing me, instead I was dreaming about a boy killing me.

I buried my face in my pillow. Maybe I should just not give a damn anymore. Maybe I was just supposed to let him do whatever he wanted to do. Maybe today, when we were at school, I would just look at him and wait until he did _something_.

And I would just let him. Because I officially didn't care anymore.

I woke with another startle, but this time it was because my alarm clock went off.

It was raining heavily, maybe it was even hail. But in the least, those were definitely very thick rain drops.

I got out of my sweatpants and tank top and pulled on a pair of skinny jeans. Today I decided on my black t-shirt and a red blouse with black stripes that went horizontally and vertically. I didn't close the buttons.

Make-up was futile with this kind of rain. I didn't even brush my hair, it was fine like this by me. I pushed Edward's clothes in my bag and put the right books in it, that is, the ones that I had.

I ate two sandwiches in silence. Charlie had already left. I was glad I didn't have to wake up that early.

Again, I was feeling very unreal. Maybe I'd even tell Edward flat out who I was. And then if he knew, he wouldn't even remember me. Maybe he had forgotten about me.

I was forgettable, unless he had missed me, in a way of missing your punch bag.

It was still a little dark when I drove to school and I was one of the first to arrive.

I scowled a little as I realized I really didn't care anymore. I would have thought, since I know myself the best, that I would have chickened out, but I really walked with confidence towards the administration lady.

"Hi," she said absentmindedly, while searching through some papers.

"Hi. I was still supposed to give my ID, so that you can put me in the system."

"Yes, yes," she said. I extended my ID and she took it. "I'll put them in the computer later on the day." She wrote down a few things and I recognized my name and day of birth.

Then I waited until she would explode.

"Here you go, darling," she said.

I looked surprised and I looked at her, then at the ID.

Had she forgotten about me?

"Oh, thank you," I said, starting to walk to the door.

"So everything is okay now?" I asked.

"Yes, I'll put it in the computer, right now I'm searching Cullen's file."

I huffed.

_Let me guess. Edward's._

"Well, thanks," I said, walking back.

What did she need Edward's file for?

Oh, God, I probably had one too!

Was it strange to be worrying about a file, while soon the whole school would know about the lie I had told everyone?

I just hoped they wouldn't tell Charlie or something. Just give me a rant and that would be okay.

The rest would be just fine.

Edward would finally figure out who I was, like he wanted to.

Rosalie, Tanya and Lauren would laugh their asses off, probably informing Jessica who I was.

I wasn't quite sure about Emmett. If Mike was right, I'd end up with six broken bones.

Jasper, whom I still hadn't spoken to, would just stand there, with Alice.

Suddenly, I was feeling very sick.

I walked to my first class and was surprised to see Angela was there even sooner. I smiled at her when she saw me.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, Jane," she said happily and I winced. "Ready for another day?"

"As ready as I'll always be," I said.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a smile. "You don't seem very well."

I shook my head.

"You caught on that, huh?" I asked.

She nodded her head a little.

"I can't tell you. I already feel like the worlds biggest betrayer."

"I don't know what to say," she said with a scowl.

I waved my hand.

"Forget what I just said," I said. The classroom was filling up fast now and Mr. Banner walked in too, quickly halting all conversations. I threw one last smile to Angela's confused face.

When Mr. Banner did the round of all the absents, he called out all names out loud.

I swallowed. If the administration lady had changed my name, then the name Jane Volturi would have been out of the list on the computer, and replaced by Isabella Swan.

I sighed in relief when somebody's last name ended with the letter t.

"Jane Volturi."

"Yes," I said.

"Angela Webber."

"Yes," she said.

He began his long lecture and gave a small quiz. It was easy and Angela had it done quickly as well.

Next class was art and if I didn't have to sit next to Alice, I might have been able to enjoy that class.

Today, however, she didn't even greet me.

The teacher called out all the names again and I was holding on the table for dear life until I heard him say it.

"Jane Volturi."

"Yes," I croaked out. Why were they all suddenly calling out names?

The rest of the class didn't really matter. We had to continue our drawing after the teachers had given us a few tips.

_Administration lady, I don't know whether to thank you or hate you._

I finished my drawing and handed it in. After looking at it for a whole minute, she started scolding me.

"The hand is slightly too big, it's unrealistic. The eyes are both too big and the eyelashes are quite long, which gives the girl a more sad look. The girls in the background seem smaller, as if they don't really matter, while in fact they are the cause who made her in that position. Her hair is perfect and not perfect at the same time, if you know what I mean. All the hair is exactly at the right spot, but in reality, that isn't possible. One glance at the drawing and you instantly know that this girl is in pain, due to the too big hand, big eyes, long eyelashes, the small girls in the bag ground and how you drew her hair. It's beautifully done. I haven't seen fine art like this in years. Jane is getting an A plus."

I walked back to the table to gather my stuff and felt very happy. She liked the drawing. But I couldn't allow myself to feel very happy about a stupid drawing. It didn't feel right, not after my lie.

When I glanced at Alice, she had a small smile on her mouth.

In Trig class, it took a while before the teacher came in and Tanya, Rosalie, Lauren and Jessica were sitting in the back of the class, so I had to sit more in the middle.

It was for the first time I realized Tyler, Eric and Mike were in this class as well. They did greet me and I smiled at them. Mike was sitting alone.

"Why don't you sit next to me?" he asked.

"Why don't I?" I replied jokily, as I sat down and put my bag on the table.

"How's it been?"

"Okay," I said.

"And yesterday?" he asked.

I made a face.

"Don't ask," I mumbled.

"Sexual harassment office is right over there," he said, pointing at some random direction.

"Thanks a lot," I said. "Stupid speed ball."

"Hey! Don't offend the speed ball. Speed balls are cool. I'm guessing it didn't go well."

"Nope," I said.

That's when I remembered.

"Edward kind of complimented you yesterday," I said. His eyebrows rose. "Yeah, he said that you can box well."

He scowled and he probably didn't believe me.

For the third time that day, I had to pray for the Lords to have mercy on me, and they did, because also this teacher said my fake name when he was checking if everyone was in class. Maybe it was new policy.

The boys did some random talk about food and their marks and I was glad I was sitting here, instead of somewhere close to Rosalie and her lemmings.

Spanish was boring again, but luckily I didn't even know anyone in that class, so when the teacher was checking if everyone was in class, I didn't mind if he'd say my real name.

He didn't. Apparently, my name still hadn't been changed.

The chances were big that nobody would even find out today and all that worry had been for nothing.

As soon as Spanish was over, I went to the toilet with the plan of staying there for the entire lunch break.

But when I opened the door, I caught four girls smoking and the smell of it was kind of weird.

Flashbacks of years ago seemed very livid and the girls widened their eyes at me.

"Is it lunch break already?" Jessica screeched.

"Fuck!" Rosalie said.

"No, no," Tanya hissed, throwing the still lit cigarette in the toilet.

"What is that smell?" somebody close behind me said.

A male voice.

A teacher's voice.

A very angry voice.

"It wasn't me," I said, turning to Mr. Banner.

He scowled, probably thinking that it was in fact me.

"Yeah, it was her!" Tanya said with a giggle.

"All four of you, go to the principle, now!" Mr. Banner said. "Jane." He grabbed his head. "Look, you were here too..."

I opened my mouth in shock.

"I don't smoke!" I said. Please don't send me to the principal. Please don't let history repeat itself, in some way or the other.

"Jane," he said, and he seemed to be having difficulty about where to send me to.

Edward suddenly walked by us and then he stopped, his eyes widening. He looked in our direction and then at the four girls who were still inside.

He burst out in laughter.

"Who the fuck is stupid enough to smoke weed inside in the toilets?" he asked with a grin, even though he had already seen who were in the toilets.

_Weed._

So the girls had taken it a step further.

"That would be your sister and her friends, Edward," Mr. Banner said. Edward didn't seem in the least bit surprised. "I'm not sure about Jane, though."

"I didn't," I snapped, and then I caught eyes with Edward.

He smirked at me.

"That little princess? No way."

Mr. Banner looked back at me, but I was still looking at Edward. I briefly looked at Mr. Banner and he seemed to look like he believed Edward. When I looked at Edward again, he winked at me.

"It seems like you've been saved. Now go."

My eyes widened and I quickly took off.

Plan B was to sit outside, even if it was raining.

"Not so fast, princess," Edward said, appearing next to me. "Where are you going?"

I pointed towards the door.

"I do hope you don't mean outside," Edward said.

I took a deep breath and opened the first door that would lead me to the door that would take me outside. But when I wanted to open that one, Edward stood in front of me, leaning on the door.

"Are you going somewhere that I should be aware of?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I balled my fists. I never hit a person, just like yesterday afternoon I couldn't hit the stupid speed ball, but now I was pissed.

He chuckled when he saw my fists.

"Are you finally going to hit me?" he asked.

"What do you want from me?" I asked bitterly.

Both of his eyebrows rose, but then he smiled. A small, playful smile.

"What do I want from you?" he asked slowly, repeating me.

He stepped closer and I remained where I was. Like I had said, I would just let him do whatever he wanted to do.

"Can't you tell, lovely?"

"Oh," I said, remembering. "Yes."

He scowled as I pulled out his clothes out of my bag and pushed it against his chest until his hand came on it and I retrieved my hand. He looked at the clothes with a smile on his face.

"Thank you," he said rather politely.

"Eh, any... time? I guess."

He chuckled again. He dropped the pants on the ground and took one end of his shirt in his left hand and grabbed the other ending in his right. Then he was lightning fast as his arms went up and put the shirt behind me and his hands beside me. When I tried to step back, the shirt blocked my way. Edward pulled against the shirt so that I had to step forward.

"No," he whispered. "Apparently, you can't tell."

I was breathing fast and trying to push myself away from him, to make distance, but he kept an iron tight grip on the shirt.

"And what will I do now?" he asked slowly, mocking me.

"I don't care," I murmured.

For a moment, he stopped pulling, and I inched backwards, but as soon as he had let go of some strength, it was back again.

"Why not?" he asked, putting the right bit of the shirt in his left hand, so that I was in the circle of his shirt, held by only his left hand. He pushed away the hair that had fallen in front of my face, without really touching my face. That was a good thing, because I felt like I would explode in tears if he touched me.

"Oh... I didn't think you heard me."

"Oh, but I did," he said. He was mocking me again. "Why not?"

"You're Edward Cullen," I said. It's obvious. I wasn't even looking him in the eye.

"I know," he said, pushing my face up. "Does that scare you?"

I brought my eyes sideways.

"Do I look like the kid that raped you?" he asked.

I let out one, shaky laughter.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Do I?" he asked, pulling me a little closer.

"I should-"

"Do I?" he snapped once again.

"Y-Yes," I said in a shaky voice.

"So you were raped?"

I shook my head. I was never raped. Why did he think I was lying?

In an instance, the shirt left my back and I almost fell on the ground, had Edward not put his hands on my shoulders. I hadn't realized I had been pushing that hard to get away from him.

"Take it easy," he murmured, letting go of my shoulders. "What did you think I was going to do?"

I looked around me, to find the person he must have seen that was reaching us. That was the reason why he had released me. It would look kind of weird to an outsider to see me fearful in Edward's close presence. And Edward probably didn't want to get into any trouble.

However, I didn't see anyone. I scowled as I looked back at him and he was looking just as confused as I was.

Nobody was there. Then why had he released me all of a sudden?

"I didn't care," I mumbled, as I walked back to the weed smelling toilets.

~#~

Why?

I know my past shows me the horrors that I've done.

But this is just the person who I am and I can't change into someone else.

I don't want you to ever know that side of me, Coco.

I just want you in my bed for the night, princess.

~#~


	8. Monster

**Disclaimer:** I am not Stephenie Meyer

**A/N: **Again I'm having a cold while I'm writing this chapter. Maybe having colds gives me inspiration. I don't know. If anybody want's to follow me on twitter, it's EdnaSardrood

I've put a few questions after this chapter for the ones that are really clueless, but I just feel like I've gotta help you guys out a little until the next chapter.

Two updates in one day, are you all happy (the other chapter update is Good At It) ?

* * *

**8. Monster**

At the toilets there was a line that was longer then any line I had ever seen. It even passed the door. I was sure that not all of those people wanted to use the toilet but just see if the rumour that was probably out now was real. It didn't surprise me that most of the students were freshmen.

I wanted to skip next hour. I was quite sure the administration lady had put my name in the computer, just before Biology. That was my luck. It was the subject I shared with Edward and just then, Edward would find out. It was like destiny. Destiny was trying to get me.

It was obvious that Edward wanted something else then my name. The thing was he didn't tell me. He kept teasing in a way that I didn't think was funny at all. I _knew_ guys who flirted. I _knew _dangerous guys. And I was afraid Edward was starting to be more of that first one with each passing second, but to me, he remained the second. If Edward _was _flirting with me, it wouldn't even matter, because he would soon find out my real name and then I would wish that I was never born.

In a strange way, Edward still had me in an iron grip and he had never really let go. I had just been a kid back then, but even now he hadn't changed one bit. He's still that same Edward Cullen that I knew.

No, actually, he wasn't the same. He'd gotten worse. Somebody couldn't even get worse then him.

The bad thing about a school this size was that you had walked through the whole building in less then five minutes. And time seemed to go even slower today.

I went outside through the backdoor and to my big surprise, Edward wasn't there. At least he wasn't following me.

The rain was falling down rather hard, but for once in my life I really didn't care. I opened the door and instantly felt the thick drops fall on my head and in my hair. Strangely enough it wasn't even cold. It felt refreshing.

I just stood there in the rain and thought of absolutely nothing. It was very easy to relax like this. Some people might think it is crazy to stand in the rain and I am probably was one of those people too.

But today, I was the complete opposite of what I used to be.

Today, it was completely normal to stand in the rain, while others were inside. It gave me a chance to be alone and avoid the demons that were inside the building behind me.

I couldn't help and wonder what would really happen when the truth was out, what they'd all think of me and if the demons would get worse. I wondered about Charlie and I wondered about the school teachers and even the principle. I thought about them all, but all I could do was guess.

All too soon, it was time for me to get back to Biology class and with reluctance I left the rain and went inside. I walked through the now pretty familiar, yet still unknown way to Biology and was one of the lasts to arrive.

Everything felt suddenly much lighter when I saw that nobody was sitting on the table where Edward and I usually sat. Either Edward wasn't here yet or wasn't coming at all, I didn't care. I had a moment for myself now.

And I allowed myself to _think_.

I wondered what Edward really wanted from me. My name, that was one, but it was just a name for him. He didn't know all the secrets behind that name. He didn't know any of it, he only knew what he and his friends had done to me, if he still remembered, and that's all.

Slowly, I had begun to shiver and felt my body get colder and colder. It was very uncomfortable and the wind coming out of the window didn't help me at all. I hated the breeze but didn't have the guts to stand up and close it myself, or even to just raise my hand and ask the teacher.

After ten minutes, Edward still hadn't made it to class yet and I saw Mr. Banner take a piece of paper. I noticed small pictures on it and realized it were the pictures of my classmates. He, for once, didn't call out everyone, he just looked at his paper and then back at the person he was looking. Then, for a moment, he was staring at the paper for a bit longer then he had been doing before and I held in my breath.

"_Isabella Swan_."

I closed my eyes in humiliation.

This was it. And to make the effect even nicer, Edward would burst in the room any second now.

I felt miserable, sick and defeated.

_I feel alone._

Why did it have to be this way? Why in the classroom, with all the added humiliation? And why was Edward still away? He was torturing me, simply be not being here and keeping me painfully alive.

I had to feel this stupid fear again, the one that would always haunt me.

_Why don't you just kill me now?_

I wasn't even sure who I was talking to, but I just wanted to vanish.

"I don't have an Isabella Swan in my classroom," I heard the teacher mutter.

When I looked around, I noticed that not all too many people who were actually paying attention, so I raised my hand, but not very high, just so I could stay a little unnoticed.

"Yes?" Mr Banner asked.

"I... I'm sorry," I said, looking away from him. I saw him move towards me and sit on the chair where Edward was supposed to be sitting. I glanced at the door, but still there was no sign of him.

_Fear._

I didn't want to feel it, but I also didn't know _what _it was I wanted. Did I want Edward to burst in now and find out or should I profit from the little more time I have got this way.

My guts told me none of it mattered.

"What's wrong?" Mr Banner asked.

I took a deep breath. "My name isn't Jane," I quickly mumbled.

_Now _Edward would come. I stiffened when I did see movement behind the glass and the door opened.

_For the love of God..._

But then, I saw the man that had come in and it was a happy looking man, with a round face, round glasses and a smile on his face.

"Edward Cullen, is Edward Cullen here?"

Most people continued talking and Mr Banner didn't say anything as well. I didn't look at Mr Banner, I couldn't. I kept my eyes on the man that was searching the boy that I was looking for as well. We both did search him for other reasons, though.

"I'm looking for Edward Cullen," the man said once more.

Mr Banner cleared his throat.

"No, Harold, he isn't here."

"He isn't in this class?" Harold asked, looking at his papers, his eyes searching for something.

"He is, but he hasn't come in yet," Mr Banner explained.

"I see. Tell him to come to me after school, if he still shows up."

Harold left and I turned to Mr Banner.

"I'm really sorry," I said.

Mr Banner quickly shook his head.

"Is your name Isabella?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I think you should go to the principle, then, Isabella. That man that was just in here is the principle and his name is Mr Greene. You'll find his name on the door of his office."

In an instance, I had gotten up and grabbed my bag. I didn't look back anymore, my only task now was to search this man and flee the state.

It didn't take me long to find his office and when I knocked, the door didn't open. I peeked in through the window, but nobody was in there. I sat on a chair and waited.

And waited.

The urge to cry and feel sorry for myself was immense, but I kept myself in. It would get me no where and I wanted to get this over with. My whole body was on danger alert, and that was all because of Edward, and partly also Rosalie, Tanya, Lauren and Emmett. And the rest of the school. Once they knew, everybody would know.

"Hi, sexy chick."

I stiffened and hugged my bag closer to myself.

_So now was the time he was going to show up._

This was even worse, because now I had to confess to the principle what my name was.

I glared at the ceiling, as if God himself was there, sitting and watching me.

"What are you doing here, sitting by yourself in front of the principle's office? Only bad girls sit here. You aren't a bad girl."

Edward sat on the arm rest of the chair I was sitting on and he had to look back to see me.

"Huh? What did you do, bad girl?"

I scowled a little as I looked up. He smelled like that toilet.

_He smells like weed._

"Come on, why don't cha relax a little? I am not going to bite those pretty lips off your face. C'mon, chill."

I had felt my whole body stiffen with each passing word and each insult. I was doing the opposite of relaxing and chilling. I didn't think anyone could really blame me.

"I'm gonna take you out sometime," he said, nodding to himself. "You're gonna get high and you'll _love _it and then, the pair of us, will grab a room and get dirty."

I vomited in my mouth a little.

Suddenly, my hand was in his and he put my hand flat on his shirt covered abs.

My hand was hot and clammy as to his was suprisingly ice cold. I was completely mesmerized in definitely not a good way, what so ever.

_Holy shit_.

"You are gonna love this," Edward said, moving my hand around his hard abs, while he held my wrist tightly. "You love it alr-"

"Edward, come on boy, stop harassing the poor girl," the man that was called Harold Greene said. "Not all of them actually want you, you know? Or did you think that they'd all fall on their hands and knees, look up at you and call you God?"

I was able to breathe again. Whatever blockage I just had, it was gone and air was going in my lungs again.

If I had been able to, I also would have laughed about what Mr Greene had said about Edward, but I wasn't able to do even that.

"And be a gentleman," he said, unlocking his office.

"I _always _am!" Edward said, defending himself. His fingers here running over mine, but he wasn't looking at me or my fingers. He was having a staring contest with Mr Greene.

"A gentleman does not tell a girl the things I believe I heard you say to her."

Edward held out both his hand in the air and my wrist was finally released. I quickly pulled back and grabbed my wrist. It wasn't really soar, but I felt Edward's touch on that wrist.

"Come on, sir! You have been fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen too once!"

"Yes, Edward," Mr Greene said, nodding his head, "and I know exactly what you are thinking right now."

Edward was grinning and dropped his head. He didn't do that in an act of embarrassment, because I was still able to see his face. There was no shame written on that face. Just amusement.

Mr Greene shook his head in disbelief.

"Edward, did you make use of the weed you gave to your sister?" Mr Greene asked sternly.

"No," Edward said, drawling out the word.

"So you admit you gave it to her?"

"No," Edward said again.

Edward got up and turned his entire back to Mr Greene, leaving his eyes on mine. He brought his pointer finger to his lips, telling me to stay quiet. His eyes held a warning in them as well.

I think he wanted me to help him, because he had helped me at lunch break when Mr Banner wasn't sure if I had smoked.

"Edward would never smoke weed."

A pair of green eyes almost fell out of their sockets and Mr Greene walked toward us both.

"I think we need to do this talk separately. You first." He was looking at me. "Edward, stay here."

"Where would I go?" he asked.

I got out of the chair and Edward sat on it, making himself comfortable. He threw his bag on the ground.

"I've known you since you started high school here. You think I don't know you by now?"

Edward grinned and I quickly followed Mr Greene.

"Sit down. I believe we haven't met."

I sat down on the chair opposite of his and looked up at him, not even giving a smile to him.

"No, I'm new here. I'm Bella... Isabella Swan." My voice was barely a whisper. "But when I signed in here on Monday, I didn't tell my real name to the administration lady... I lied."

Mr Greene scowled, not smiling anymore.

"Why's that, Miss Swan?" he asked.

"I don't really want to tell you."

That was probably the first truth I had told anyone in this school.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "But I just can't."

"If you are unprepared to tell me why you did such a thing, you leave me with no other options but to suspend you."

"I know," I said. It didn't matter. I wouldn't be going to this school anymore.

"But you seem like a trustworthy person and I believe that your motives were... _agreeable, _even if I don't know them. So I'm letting you stay, but I will have to put you in detention class for the upcoming four weeks."

I stared at him with wide eyes. He smiled again.

"Every Tuesday and Friday after school until six o'clock. You'll see then what your tasks are."

"What?" I asked in disbelief. "No suspension?"

"No, not any of that. Just don't do it again. Now could you send Edward this way, please?"

I nodded my head and stood up, walking towards the door. I wanted to get out, because it felt like I was suffocating in the small room. I wanted to dump Edward in there instead and then run to my car.

When I opened the door, Edward was nowhere to be found. I looked around, but the hallway was empty. I turned to Mr Greene.

"He isn't here," I said. He didn't look up from the paper he was reading.

"I know."

"Then why did you ask me to send him to you?" I asked in bewilderment.

He shrugged. "Just hoping that someday he'll change."

Slowly, I closed the door and walked to the exit. It didn't matter anymore if I went to that one last hour of Biology. I wasn't going to sit next to Edward voluntarily.

It was still raining outside, only it was much colder, probably due to my already cold, wet clothes and cold skin.

I narrowed my eyes when I saw something familiar.

_Of course he wouldn't go back to Biology._

In the distance, I made out Edward's figure, leaning against his car. It was bad luck for me that my car was parked even further away then where Edward was standing. I'd have to pass him, but what I really wondered was why he didn't step inside his car, while it was raining like this outside.

Edward had noticed me as well but he was only looking and nothing else.

I took one shaky breath and started the long walk. It was dread and fear - again - I was feeling and I hated those feelings with every gut inside my body.

Hating them didn't make them disappear. They were still there, and just as I was about to pass Edward, he moved.

"Don't go away so fast," he said.

He came to stand in front of me, while the raindrops were running down his face. His hair seemed darker, now that it was wet. It gave his whole demeanor a more threatening look.

"I'm going," I said.

"No, you're coming with me," Edward said.

He grabbed my arm and I shrieked. "No, I don't want to go with you," I said.

"Seems like you have no choice." He opened the door and pushed me inside.

The car was very warm already and Edward opened the door on the drivers side. I was shivering like crazy. By now, I didn't know if it was the cold or Edward.

Edward stayed quiet and never bothered looking at me once. He adjusted the heaters and I was attacked with hot air blowing on my face and my chest. I shivered a little, the hotness on my cold skin causing goosebumps.

"Can't you just pretend you taught me all that boxing stuff?" I asked with clattering teeth. I had never been this cold before.

He chuckled.

"No, because I have other plans for today," he said, speeding up until he was driving illegally fast. "The rain comes in quite handy, actually."

I grew uncomfortable with each second. The music that was playing did not help. The fact that he didn't talk to me anymore did not help.

Nothing did me any good.

"You aren't going to ask about the plans, are you?" Edward asked.

"You won't tell me," I said, looking out of the window, while trying to warm my numb fingers.

When the silence got uncomfortable, I glanced at Edward, only to see him staring back at me with a scowl. He kind of looked hurt, which was strange and impossible.

"Would you?" I asked hesitantly.

Edward chuckled, while taking a sharp turn. It caused me to leap to the right, almost hitting my head on the window.

_Thanks a lot._

"Probably not," Edward said. "It's just fun to provoke you."

I pressed my lips tightly on each other while looking outside. I wasn't sure where he was driving me. It didn't seem like the same road that we had taken a yesterday. But the chances were high that I just hadn't remembered the road from the last time, so maybe he was taking me to his home.

It was unnerving, not to know a thing. To doubt all the time.

When did this happen? How did I end up in a car with Edward Cullen, _twice_?

It was my fault, really. I let him get me in this position. I allowed him to do this.

But I had no other choices.

This was the position he wanted me in.

I almost jumped when Edward's phone went off.

He looked at the number briefly, then hit a button.

"Yes?" he asked sweetly.

"…"

"I dunno," he said, acting nonchalantly.

"…" Edward glanced at me.

"Don't know, either."

"…"

"Yeah, I think so too," Edward said with a chuckle.

"…"

"U-huh," Edward said, nodding his head. He rolled his eyes and hit a button, then put his mobile back in his pocket.

Seems like he had ended the call.

"Most useless talk I've ever had," Edward said.

By what Edward had said to the other person, I could not make out anything. I didn't know if it was one of his parents, his siblings, his girlfriend or just a _girl_. I couldn't even make out if it was a girl or a boy.

"You aren't going to ask me who called me, are you?" Edward asked. When I looked at him, he was smirking.

I scowled briefly. He was so mean sometimes.

He already knew the answer, as did I.

"You won't tell me," I repeated.

Edward's quiet laughter filled the car.

My body began trembling.

Something was very wrong.

_Nothing is wrong._

_Everything _is wrong.

I was looking at the trees and at the same time not.

Everything around me was moving, though it was the car that was really moving. Everything else just stood still.

_I just want to go home._

"Almost there," Edward said. "I took a short short cut, I'm not sure if you noticed."

My body refused to move, my mouth refused to open and to talk and my heart almost refused to beat another time.

"We are going to have so much fun, _be_-autiful," Edward said, taking one more turn, until I saw the big, gorgeous house that awaited only trouble and pain.

The way he had said _'be' _had made me snap my head towards him. It had sounded more like '_bee_' - like the insect - only, it was too coincidental that my name began with those same letters.

Edward knew. He knew for sure this time.

As I was looking at him, I could see nothing but smugness and delight written over his face. I'm sure he was trying to be ambiguous, but I knew better. He knew my name. But he hadn't freaked out yet, he hadn't begun his teasing again or his assault. He hadn't made any calls yet to Rosalie or Tanya, to let them know that I was back in town, just for them, fresh and alive.

Then again, was it possible... could there be a tiny chance that Edward... was human?

_"Filthy whore."_

_"Disgusting shrimp!"_

_"Clueless girl. What idiot would ever date you?"_

_"That's right, fear me. Be agitated. Get alarmed."_

_"Little fool, it's time that you learned who around that pathetic form of yours are the boss of you and who are not."_

_"Live in horror and be frightened all the time. And if you're not... I'll personally make sure that you are."_

_"I hate you, Bella, with every fiber in my body. I want you dead and I want you on your knees, begging me to stop. __Crying until you faint. __Bleeding until you die."_

Edward had said those thing at the age of seven, eight and nine. It was not normal. And he could never be human, not even with the tiniest hope.

I swallowed nervously. He was not looking back at me though, but took another, aweful leap with his car and pulled out his keys, considering that he had parked his car now.

In a second, he had turned and had his face only inches away from mine.

I squeaked a little in protest and he steered his head with a look of wonderment and something that also told me that he was still a teaser. I was afraid and I was sure that he loved it.

So much more then any person really should.

And maybe he had already messed up with my head. Because not everybody would say that a person loved it _more _then was normal. Others would say that the fact the he liked it, even just a little, was not normal. A person is not supposed to take joy from the fear of others. Edward is not supposed to like it. Yet he does.

He had already killed me, he and his friends. There was nothing left of me. I was dead. I had disappeared a long time ago and now nobody could ever find me again. I was at a place that did not bring me any comfort or pain at all. I was placed somewhere in the middle, which was so much more worse then just simple heaven or hell and now Edward was playing with nothing else but my corpse.

"I actually believe you're not a slut that's playing dumb when you say that you don't know what I want from you."

There were no seatbelts that needed to be unbuckled and Edward leaned over me and I heard a small click. I turned my head and saw Edward's finger on the now closed lock. I took a quick intake of a breath.

"Care to find out?"

"No!" I said, going for the lock with both my hands.

Edward let me.

It took me forever to pull it up and I hissed when I felt my nail go up in that process. I didn't have time to look at it and what damage I had caused, because I yanked on the door handle.

Edward didn't stop me.

I jumped out of the car.

Edward never protested.

And I ran. Through the rain. In the forest. Where I abruptly stopped. I didn't want to get lost. I heard a few noises behind me and didn't have to turn to know who was there.

Edward was standing behind me.

I screamed and held both my hands on my mouth as I turned to face him, but I slipped in the mud and fell sideways on the ground.

And Edward let me.

"Get up," Edward said. "And come on."

That's what I did. I pushed myself up and followed Edward. He was walking rather fast and I almost had to run again. He probably didn't want to get anymore wet then he already was.

He reached the front door and opened the unlocked door. He got in and I followed seconds later.

I was trembling with fear and pushed myself hard against a wall. The cold didn't matter anymore.

_Don't show him any fear._

Edward looked back and froze mid step as he watched me.

"I'm just taking you to the kitchen. You know the kitchen."

Edward walked on and I followed.

Again, I was about to fall, but Edward leaped forward and caught me be my elbows.

"Are you that scared?" Edward asked with a scowl.

"I'm not," I quickly said, but my voice came out in a whisper.

Edward smirked and leaned forward. "Sure you're not. Listen, C, the sooner we're done, the better, right?"

I nodded my head.

"Alright, so you agree," he said. "I'm going to get some clothes for you and you're going to go outside," he said, pointing towards the door, and my eyes widened at the same time, "run at least ten circles around the house and then get back inside. You could also run a few more rounds, of course. I'll be up and see you around," he looked at the clock behind him, "let's say, three o'clock?"

I looked at the clock in shock, because he wanted me to run ten circles in fifty minutes. My eyes went back to Edward.

"Well, I need you warmed up for the things I have planned," he said.

He put his hands on my shoulder and I felt small again.

"Don't run away and don't cheat. Ten circles. No less."

He grabbed his bag and pulled out the shirt and shorts I had given him back just an hour ago.

"Here, wear these, they still look clean," he said, putting them on the table.

I was staring at the clothes and listened how his footsteps faded away. I quickly looked back to see him turn and get up the stairs.

"Edward, it's raining outside," I said.

He stopped and turned. He pulled something out of his pocket, but from the distance I couldn't see quite what he was doing. It was something small and thin.

He didn't answer me instantly, but in the mean time I did notice that the thing in his hand was a cigarette. Filled with weed.

"That's the point," he said with a wink. "Hurry, before the rain stops."

~#~

Little princesses don't get high and don't fuck for fun.

Little girls live in their dream world and wish for fucking prince Charming.

People want happiness and love.

But this girl next to me wasn't any of those things.

She isn't a little princess, she isn't a little girl and I can tell by the way she looks at me that she is not looking for any of those items at all.

This girl wants to run away and never look back.

This girl wants to die and feel the sweet relief that death itself brings.

This girl blames herself for the person she is today, while we both know that somebody else is to blame.

I didn't even need to check on her and see if she was really running outside in the rain, because she would do as I told her. Like I said, she would do anything I told her and this afternoon I was planning on demanding a lot from her.

Let's see how far I will be able to go with this girl.

~#~

* * *

**A/N: A little bit of helping out**

Edward did that weird thing with_ 'be'_ and I've got a little homework for you guys.

Step 1; Go to chapter 3  
Step 2; Go to paragraph 7  
Step 3; What did Bella say?

- Is Edward's ambiguity based on that, something else, _nothing_ or has he figured it out?

- What is it that Edward really wants from our poor Bella? Is it sex, or does he want to break her, or get to know her, or mess with her mind, or teach her this boxing, or figure out how her mind works? Something else?

- What is/was wrong with Edward? The things he told her were harsh and the things he's telling her in the present are harsh as well. Is there something behind it? Or is this just Edward's character, something that must or could be changed? Could these simply be his genes?

**Fact: **Edward is not bi-polar/manic depressed (it's the same). That would mean that he had to have these moments of happiness. Like everything is just peachy. No, not bi-polar. Edward is ninetheen, Bella is eighteen. Anyone that could do math had this already figured out of course and if you can do math but didn't know this, I guess... you were lazy ;)

**Fact Fact **(saying it twice, just so people know so for sure): Bella will have her happy ending. Edward will have his. To make it more fun, they'll have their happy ending together.

I don't really like doing this, but just for this once, I've made an exception. People tend to jump to conclusions, while there are so many hints in this chapter, and the others as well.

**A/N: **If you read my other story, Good At It, as well, let me know if you read this chapter first or the one of GAI, I'm curious.

I've got twitter: EdnaSardrood


	9. Devil

**Disclaimer: **I'm not Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait. Sorry if the grammar scares the hell out of you.

* * *

**9. ****Devil**

_He wants me dead. He's pure evil._

I'd run one round and was already out of breath, freezing from the heavy rainfall but feeling oddly warm as well, all because of the running. I was getting hysterical because I knew I was never going to be able to run all those rounds around the house in the amount of time that I had gotten.

After my second round, I was already beginning to lessen my speed. It sucked. This whole thing sucked.

A tiny voice in my head was telling me I was crazy to be doing this, especially since I was already planning to just flee the state, but I just couldn't find the power in me to _stop _and go to Edward and tell him to...

_Grab a stick and shove it high up his... yeah._

I'd rather die a painful death then tell him anything that would come anywhere near those words. Life was, sort of, precious to me, and I really didn't want Edward to kill me.

Finally I made it to the door again, which meant I had run three circles. I was pretty proud of myself. But I pushed myself a little farther, because three is not ten, and I told myself to continue the awful run and not to mind the rain and my fast breathing. I had to ignore the pain that was beginning to form at my side and the pain in my lungs.

I kept running, and running, and running.

_I hate running._

However, I did make it to the door for a fourth time, finally, and it was due to my own pushing. The rain kept falling on my head and in my hair, causing to make everything feel heavier. I was soaking wet and feeling hot and cold everywhere.

_And it feels like I'm dying. Feels like I'm dying without you._

I kept repeating those words, which was one of my favourite songs, especially the ending.

_I hope you don't feel just like me._

And then the best part.

_Fuck, I hope you feel much worse then me, maybe not so happy!_

Yeah, I really loved that song and just like that, I had managed to run another round, but now I really couldn't put another step. No, instead I walked. I was not a normal person, but it was just that each time I started growing something that could resemble a backbone - or balls - that strength disappeared the moment I started thinking things through a little better and realized that my ideas were stupid.

I couldn't figure out for the love of God how long I had been running and walking around their big house, but I just walked inside, because I started to get awful shivers, while my body felt very hot, and I had begun sneezing and my throat was burning.

The door was unlocked and I went straight to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I drank it all at once and wanted to collapse on the floor, but I saw a movement out of the corner out of my eyes, so I spun around and almost threw the glass on the ground - or him. I was able to stop my hand to make any movement, because I didn't want to break anymore glasses in this house.

"It's raining pretty hard out there, by the looks of it," Edward said. He smirked when he watched me up and down. I watched him carefully, almost hoping that his next words weren't so cruel. "You're even worse then I am." He clicked his tongue in disappointing, a disappointment I didn't even understand as to why it was there. "You didn't even run ten rounds."

I scowled, still not understanding what he meant by that first comment. But the worst thing was that he _knew _that I hadn't ran ten rounds.

"I couldn't," I said, still between a few pants. Talking hurt.

"Yeah," Edward said, nodding his head. He watched me in the eye, while they had turned a shade darker. "I don't really care about that."

I scowled at him again while he just raised his eyebrow.

"What?" I asked, backing a few steps away from him. I was so glad I was able to utter out a few words when I was around him. He already thought of me as a mute, but still I wanted to have the ability to talk to him.

"Go finish them," he said, nodding his head back to the front door.

My eyes widened. I really couldn't. He had to understand that!

"But I can-" I began.

"What didn't you understand about _I don't care_?" Edward asked in a condensing voice. "Now go and finish the damn run, will you?"

For a moment I looked at him in shock, while he kept having this demanding and also challenging look in his eyes. I started walking then, because his tone was so agitated and almost angered, but first I had to walk in his direction, to my greatest regret. I slipped past him and hurriedly walked outside.

I tried to set my mind on zero, and run.

Finally I was done, I had made it. _I think._ I had added another six rounds and everything felt extremely hot now. It could have been that I had miscounted myself, but what did one more round really mean? Besides, I was exhausted.

The rain was very cooling and nice, and I was actually grateful for the rain. My head would have probably been beet red had it not been for the cooling rain on my skin and clothes.

My legs were stumbling and all I wanted to do now was sit and sleep. That would have been very nice. Running is very difficult for me. It costs me so much energy, but the rain had the effect of cooling down my body and I guess I needed even more energy to warm up my body because of the cold. Needed wasn't even the right word. More energy was being _spilled_ because of the warmth my body was fighting to regain back.

It was odd, however, how familiar this small bit of the house from the front door to their kitchen was beginning to get for me.

I sat on the first available chair and dropped my head on the table. I hadn't even sat down for a few seconds, before Edward made it to the kitchen as well. He was very good at not giving me a small break.

"Took you a long time," he said in a nagging voice. "Couldn't you have run faster?" I groaned out loud, for a moment oblivious of who I was and who he was. I couldn't take any of this anymore. "Are you coming yet?"

He was pure poison.

He was dangerous venom.

He was the devil himself.

He leaned in a little closer and I automatically made distance.

I was tired, I was cold, I felt disgusting and he wanted to continue his torture as if I was a machine - a robot - that lasted for hours. I didn't run on batteries.

"You can rest, but only for a moment," he said. I sighed in relief. He grabbed a glass with water that already had been on the counter top and gave it to me.

I was thirsty from the run and drank it all once the glass was in my hand. When I put the glass down, I saw him watch my every movement and that's also when I saw the small smile on his lips.

I did not like that smile at all.

_Had he put something in the water?_

I closed my eyes as I realized he actually had. I almost did not dare to even think what he had put in there. He wouldn't really go that far as in putting something that would sedate me and make my mind foggy, so that I would forget the things he would do, the things he had in mind.

Or would he?

_No. That's sick._

My mind, however, was saying that Edward was a sick boy. He always had been.

"Alright, moment's up, get up," he said, turning abruptly and walking out of the kitchen.

_I don't want to._

He turned his head and watched me. I was still sitting on the same chair.

"Get up," he demanded.

I quickly stood up and put the glass in the sink and ran after him, because he had already begun walking again towards the stairs. How did he expect me to be as fast as him? His legs were twice as tall as mine were.

"We're going to spar," he said. Every rational thought left me. No, he must be joking. "Ever done that before?"

We reached the staircase. He looked back for a moment and I nodded my head. He looked surprised.

"How did that go?" he asked. He sounded curious, as if he really wondered if I had knocked out someone or punched out a tooth. _As if._

I shook my head once he looked back again.

It had been very bad, my first and last sparring experience. Each time I had hit the person, I had said sorry and the person had thought that was funny. When she had hit me, I had almost gone knock-out. That had also been my final taekwondo lesson.

Edward laughed and shook his head.

"It's very easy once you get the hang of it," he said.

I didn't understand why he would reassure me. He had just forced me to run for almost an hour in the cold rain, on my own, in his clothes.

"I'll get you a headgear."

He stepped into the fitness room and walked to one of the corners that had a few closets.

I followed him with my eyes. I saw Edward get a red thing and remember I had worn something like that on my head at my last taekwondo lesson. I had also worn some protection around my stomach and ribs, but Edward didn't have something like that. People probably didn't care about protection with the sport boxing.

When he threw it in my way, I caught it - thankfully, and I put it on. I noticed how it only covered my front head, a small part behind my head and the sides of my head. My chin, neck, top of my head and entire face were unprotected. This wasn't the same one that I had worn back then.

In his other hand he had had the same gauze that he had used before. He cut off a piece and told me to lift my hand. He put the beginning of the gauze on my hand and quickly covered my palm and knuckles with it. He did the same with my other hand.

Then he cut two new pieces and put was fast at putting them around his own hands, then balling them up into fists.

"Is it good that way?" he asked, nodding his head towards my hands.

I nodded my hand, slowly curling my fingers as well.

"It's not too tight?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Good. Now, hit me with all the force you've got, and if you're lucky, I might do the same," he said, leaving me with a shocked face.

I gasped at the same time that I saw his fist come in contact with my cheek and it sent me backwards. He had been way too fast and not fair at all. I wanted to scream at the universe where all the sanity had gone to. I wanted to yell at the unfairness. I wanted to get rid of the feeling of not knowing if Edward knew my name or if he did not.

I had hit my head on the ground, but was lucky. Of course it depends on what a person would call luck. But I guess I was lucky, because only the protected area had hit the ground. My brain was probably still intact. I was still sane and able to think like a normal person. I was able to count backwards from one hundred to one. I had begun from one hundred and made it to ninety three, so I basically didn't really make it to the one, but I guess I was allowed to say that I was most likely capable of doing so.

It was only a matter of time when I would seriously be injured.

Then I realized it had been a few seconds too long that I had been lying on the ground, not getting up myself. I blinked at the too bright light.

"You're okay?" he asked, making it sound like I just had to be okay, or else it was my fault. Again he had his hand with his palm up raised towards me, but I rolled myself and pushed myself up, ignoring his hand and entire being. I was a little bit dizzy and it took me some effort not to fall back on my head again.

I pressed my cold hand on my cheek and I felt it burn. I closed my eyes as the cooling was a nice feeling against my hot cheek.

_He's hitting me and he doesn't even know my name yet._

The irony was mocking me.

And if he did know my name...

_Then he's very good at killing me softly._

Edward's sudden laughter made me open my eyes and look at him, waiting in anticipation. He was going to say something...

Any second now. Something very cruel.

"If you enjoy being hit and getting hurt, then it would be my pleasure to grant you of your crazy wish, sweetheart," he said with a sick smile, his arms crossed. "All you had to say was tell me."

He rolled his eyes as he brought his fist up again. That's when I knew that he was going to hit me again.

_That's _just how well I knew him. I knew what would happen after every one of his actions. You start to get to know the person in a weird way and you learn to prepare yourself for the words or actions. You stop trying to prevent them, because you know that makes matters worse. You let them happen and hope it won't hurt so much like it did the last time. And the pain is always much worse then the last time. When Edward began laughing in _that _sick way, a sick comment was just around the corner.

He was deadly serious and I stopped breathing when he began closing the distance. His fists were high up and he was almost running while I was frozen, watching him like a deer that was about to get hit by a car that was driven eighty miles per hour.

I was about to die and all I could do was look at the drivers eyes as they showed no mercy to stop and go easy on you.

The driver didn't want to hit on the brake pedal. He wanted to hit you, he wanted to feel the impact of you getting thrown on the glass and he wanted to see the blood smeared on the window and on your body. He wanted to see how it was all seeping out of you body and he wanted to see the little light in your eyes go out.

He wanted to see you die, because he was a murder.

Edward chuckled as he stopped straight in front of my face, and the picture in my mind of the bleeding deer and the laughing murdered left me as he grabbed my left cheek and right side of my head, snapping it to the left.

My right cheek was pointing towards him now.

"What I don't like is you," he said. "No. I kind of hate you."

He snapped my head back for a second to look at me. He was standing so close to me.

"You're weak."

Somewhere in his eyes I could see that what he was saying was not entirely true. Maybe I was just thinking this because his eyes seemed less dark then before.

"You annoy me." He snapped my head back, and my eyes were staring at some random wall now. "This might bruise. It's getting too red too quickly."

"What?" I asked in response, disbelief obvious in my voice.

He pushed me towards a wall and turned my head to press my cheek against the ice cold wall.

"This might help a little," he said. "I'm sorry I can't offer you anything better now."

I couldn't believe he was actually apologizing.

"You'll just hit me again," I said, finding my voice now that I didn't have to look at him. But still my voice was very quiet.

"You're more messed up then I thought, girl," he said mockingly. "I'm not hitting you. I'm _hitting _you."

I scowled and he laughed when he saw my expression.

"Sweetheart, you are supposed to defend yourself. Or hit me back. Whatever turns you on."

How could he expect me to do that?

He pushed me a little to the side so that my cheek was touching another bit of the wall. I realized that my cheek had warmed up that piece of the wall, so he had pushed my cheek to a new and much colder side of the wall. It was strange how he was making me feel like crap but trying to make it up again afterwards.

Edward turned me again, but as I was staring at his eyes, they were not fixated on mine. They were fixated on my cheek and he smiled.

"Much better," he said, nodding once. "It takes a while for you to hit harder, faster and react on exactly the right moment."

"How can you be sure?" I asked. Edward had always treated me badly, sometimes even cruelly, but the one thing I was sure of was that Edward was very smart. And I was slightly interested in his thoughts right now, even if they were unimaginably messed up sometimes.

"Why are you doubting yourself?" he threw back, raising one eyebrow.

I scowled, because I wasn't doubting myself. I just knew that I would never be able to knock a person out at a battle, in real life or just a boxing match.

"Why are you..." I trailed off, scowling more deeply.

"Why am I what?" he snapped.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked hastily, hoping he wouldn't hear any fear in my voice or see it in my eyes. The fact that he was staring at me did not make my distress disappear.

"Come on, sugar lips, let's leave the pillow talk for after I have sex with you, okay?"

I couldn't have taken a step back faster then I just did, but he just came right after me, his fist as fast as the head of a venomous snake about to bite and I shrieked before I felt the hard impact on the side of my head.

"Get up," he said. "Hurry. I haven't got all day."

I put my hand on my head, feeling it heathen up by the impact. I even feared for a second that it was bleeding, that's how hot it felt, but when I brought my fingers to my eyes, there wasn't any red liquid. And I was glad for that, because I didn't want to bleed right now. Edward would get satisfaction from that and I... I would just feel more bad for myself and wallow in self-pity, curse all the gods I could come up with, hate my mother, get furious - but just in my head - with my father and pretend that it wasn't Edward walking over my body as if he owed every inch of me.

I was so, so tired. I only had to close my eyes and it was already hard for me to open them. Again I felt deadly afraid of what he had put in that water. I hated how it made him feel more powerful. I hated that he had to make me even less strong by putting something in that water, just so he could gain more control over me.

I hated just how he was still able to do this to me and the position I was in right now.

Extremely tired. Very afraid. Lying on the floor. Feeling exposed and naked. In front of Edward. Hearing him say '_after I have sex with you_'.

"What ever issues you have, suck them up," he said. "Those sad mommy issues and obvious daddy issues don't mean a thing when somebody wants you badly knock out."

I was gaping at him like a crazy person while I was lying on my back and I very slowly began making an effort to get up.

Also I was breathing very heavily and I was frightened. And I decided that what was best for now was to just agree with him. So I nodded my head.

Edward shook his head in disbelief as he stepped closer, making me feel more small. I quickly got up and felt slightly taller again.

His fist hit the side of my right upper arm. It hurt. I wasn't looking at his face, just his chest and sometimes my eyes would land on his biceps. _Wow. _Now I understood why he could punch so hard. Every time he flexed those muscles, they grew a little more, and everyone could tell from those biceps that Edward was strong.

His other fist hit my left shoulder. That hurt even more.

The next punch almost made me lose my balance, and because he was hitting me from the side, I kept being pushed from the left to the right.

"Fight me," Edward said, holding up his hands in disbelief.

His next punch I saw - finally - because I felt prepared. Not to fight back, but just to feel like I knew something as well and he wasn't the only one having all the information. I just looked at his fist, as it was inching my eye. In reality it went super fast and I was just in time to snap my head to give him my cheek instead. Again I felt backwards.

I heard his voice from somewhere far away, telling me, "or you will lose."

"I don't care," I said, my voice breaking and sounding dead, even to me.

"I could make you lose," he threatened. "So easily. With this." He showed me his fist. "You think this is hard? This is difficult, Coco?" His voice was angry, almost hissing at me in a accusing voice. "Baby, you haven't had Tanya yet. You have no idea how hard she can hit and how fast she knocks her competitor out."

"Yeah, I do," I muttered.

_"Hey, where are you going?" Tanya yelled. I stopped running. I hadn't realized she had been following me._

_"I was just going-" I began, pointing to the swing._

_"Shut up! You let Rosie trip on purpose."_

_"No," I said with wide eyes. "I didn't. Rosalie fell."_

_Tanya screamed and suddenly, she hit me on my shoulders a few times._

_"Stop it!" I said, because her tiny fist landed harder on my shoulders and chest then you would think on first notice._

_"Shut up, shut up! I'll hit you if I want to hit you, because you're a stupid girl and you're an idiot! You haven't got any friends, but stay away from mine!"_

_"But I wasn't-"_

_Her backhand touched my cheek and I grabbed my hot cheek with tears in my eyes._

_"I don't care, ugly head! Don't get near Rosie again!"_

_After an hour, all the Cullens and their friends knew about what Tanya had done to me. They were all laughing and pointing at me._

_"It's your own fault, Bella," Emmett said. "Shouldn't have touched her! Nice punch, Tanya. Her shoulders are actually red."_

_When I looked down at my shoulder, I noticed that Emmett was right._

_Tanya smirked at him, throwing her long, blond hair behind her shoulder._

_Edward was sitting on the table, his hands behind him, as he was leaning most of his weight on them._

_"You aren't going to cry, Bella?" Edward said, looking at me as if he dared me to cry._

_Lauren gave me a look that said '_Seriously? Are you going to cry?_'_

_I ran away from them, leaving them behind on the school play yard, and today was one of those days where I was lucky, because they didn't follow me._

_That night, I had to tell Daddy that I had tripped and fell on my cheek. The bruises on my arms were easily hidden under my thick sweater._

"I really do," I said again, seeing and feeling everything I had gone through that day. For a moment, I also forgot that I was telling Edward something which I probably shouldn't tell him.

Edward was glaring at me, bent down and grabbed my upper arms to pull me up. I gasped at the sudden movement and his touch, feeling every muscle in my body stiffen. When I was standing, he let go off me as if I was disgusting and turned his back to me.

"You know what? I'm done. There's only one thing I am going to gather from your still form."

He turned his head, watched me for a second, as if he was waiting for something. But I couldn't decipher what he could ever want, so I just stared at him as he continued while turning the back of his head to me again.

"You want to be hit," he said, his voice drawing a conclusion.

The way he said it, told me that there was no discussion possible about that new theory of his. My eyes were wide as I started to fear his words, all of them. I had to deny them, I knew that. Something inside of me told me to tell him the truth right now, but I couldn't talk. I didn't dare to tell him that wasn't true. I was scared. Edward was so strong and much bigger then I was.

I was afraid he might hurt me, and there was nothing or nobody here that could stop him.

Just him and me, locked in a room at a house I didn't know and a neighbourhood that was unfamiliar with me.

"That's okay, baby," he said, still calling me nicknames I actually hated. "I'll hit you. I'll make sure to give you the darkest, painfullest bruises anyone has ever given you and it will hurt you so much, you won't be able to sleep on you sides for days."

And that's when I really felt a blow.

Edward had spun around with pure hatred in his eyes and his fist came hard like a stone brick on my shoulder, making something crack there and causing a small yell escape my lips. Partly, because of the tremor I felt at seeing just his eyes filled with hatred, and partly because it had, in fact, been very painful.

As I fell sideways, my hand reached for that shoulder and held it tightly. Again my head hit the ground hard, the right side of my head, and I was so glad I was wearing that head gear. It had saved my head several times already.

"I-I-I'm g-go-goi-going," I said with a shaky voice, pushing myself off of the floor and heading for the door while looking at him with wide eyes.

"Not yet. You haven't given me the pleasure of seeing you knock out yet. Don't worry, it won't take much longer."

"B-Bye," I said with wide eyes. My back hit the door and I turned to open it, but when he stepped forward, I stepped away to avoid physical contact.

From how he was standing, I could see he was about to strike again. I held out both my hands high and outstretched, palms towards his face.

"I-It's no-not tr-true!" I hastily said, looking anywhere but him. I couldn't stop the tremor in my voice, how badly I wanted it to.

His fist was high and far behind him and this time I was petrified.

"No!" I screamed, shielding any next blow with my arms. I guessed he was about to aim for my head, so that's where my lower arms were, in front of my head.

My wrist ached when the hard blow of his fist landed there. I yelled for a second until I turned my back against him, leaving my shoulder to hang. I looked at my already red wrist and could see the small beginnings of a bruise forming.

I just wanted to go home. I never wanted to spar again. Besides, it was only Edward throwing the punches.

"Edward?" I asked.

He quirked an eyebrow, his eyes watching me curiously.

"I'll fail gym, it's okay," I said.

To my surprise, he dropped the boxing stance to cross his arms.

He steered his head, suddenly looking very thoughtful for a second, as if he had just figured something out. He scowled and I was able to see a confused side of Edward, one that didn't claim he knew everything.

Maybe he had just realized that sparring was voluntarily asking for punches, especially if you couldn't do it.

Take me for an example.

"Life is dangerous for you," he said slowly. As if he _cared_.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"In fact, you're life is hanging on a breakable thread," he said. "If you aren't careful, you might fall and leave yourself with much more then just a bruise and a broken bone."

"What's the time?" I asked nervously.

"Not something for you to worry about," he said with another smirk.

"I really have to go now," I said, hoping I sounded convincing. I realized then that I was walking backwards and he was following slowly.

"Really don't care," he said.

I pulled off the head gear and held it in my hand. "I have to..." I pointed at the door while staring at him, "go."

Then his eyes changed into amusement. I looked at his green - _painfully -_ too green eyes.

He slowly stepped over to me and leaned on the wall next to me slowly. He arm touched mine, but due to his length, my shoulder as well. I could feel his eyes on me, but I kept looking out of the window, to salvation, like Edward had once called it. Why couldn't he give me that same salvation now?

"You know what though?" Edward asked, his voice coming out soft and careful. It comforted me just a little bit. I'd rather want Edward be like this then any other way.

I couldn't bring myself to utter out a few words, to tell him to continue. He did however continue, even when I didn't turn my head to look at him.

"I'm a bad guy," he said, his finger touching my bare, now ice cold upper arm. It caused me to shiver and a chuckle on Edward's lips.

I felt an urge to step away from him, to escape that finger that was touching me without my consent, but I was glued on the floor.

"Have you forgotten how to breathe?" he asked.

I gasped for air and he smirked.

"Good girl," he complemented. I took another shaky breath. "What's wrong, beauty?"

I closed my eyes tightly as I thought I was really going crazy. This time I didn't hear the strange _be _thing. I just heard the word. Now I really didn't know anymore if I had perhaps imagined it before.

I could have believed something I wanted to hear. And if that was true, then I was really losing it.

"Can I go?" I asked. I slowly opened my eyes, but kept them on the floor.

"Not yet."

I sighed, feeling abducted by him in his house for his own purposes.

"When?" I asked.

Edward chuckled.

"When you ask me something about me," he said.

I scowled, but he was already talking before I could ask him anything.

"Just ask me whatever your little heart wants to know," he said. "I'll answer whatever question you can come up with."

I shook my head, once again closing my eyes. I jumped when I felt his breath on my face.

"Try me," he whispered, almost a threat visible in those words. "Anything."

I bit on my lip, feeling still as if my body was shaking and as if I was being observed.

"What... Where..."

I wasn't able to come up with anything and I heard Edward's chuckle.

"You are gonna have to come up with something a little better then that, sweetheart," he said, his face still very close to mine. I didn't dare to open me eyes and see just how close he was.

"How... old... are you?" I asked slowly. I already knew he was one year older then I was.

"Nineteen, sugar lips, now please, something a bit more challenging then stuff you can find on my drivers licence. Something you are _dying _to know."

"Uh... Why..."

Again Edward chuckled when I remained quiet for too long.

"Will you... you know... let me know? When you... have figured out my name?"

He seemed thoughtful for a second - in the meantime I opened my eyes and looked up at him, but he had raised an eyebrow as well, as if to challenge me.

"I just don't want to be taken by surprise..." I mumbled. "Forget it, I don't care, it's stupid, it's ridicu-"

Edward chuckled and I instantly stopped talking.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," he said with a shrug. "You're freezing."

I _was_ freezing and I jumped when Edward put one hand on my upper arm to feel it. He pulled his hand back and started walking towards the door.

"Come on, it's getting late."

_Now _we could go? He was impossible.

"Here," Edward said when he grabbed a black, leather jacket from a chair. I stared at it, until he opened it and threw it on my shoulders. "Put it on. It'll keep you warm."

Well, I did as he told me and the jackets _was_ warm but I froze - literally - when he walked behind and put his hands on my neck.

I began to shiver due to his fingers. He kept them on my neck for too long.

Edward's fingers slowly traced to the back of my neck, taking my hair with it and then pulling it out from under the jacket. For a moment, I didn't feel the weight of my hair hanging down, so Edward was probably still holding it.

I remained quiet, as did he, while I heard my own breathing getting louder then before. I didn't like the sound of it, but I couldn't quiet it down.

He let my hair fall down and his hand touched my back briefly.

"Come, Coco," he said.

He stepped in front of me and leaded the way to the front door.

_Why do you keep calling me Coco?_

I almost asked the question.

"I bet that where ever you lived before didn't have so much rain," he said casually, walking to his car, while not minding the rain.

"I haven't seen this much rain in years," I said slowly. My hair was still very wet so the little extra rain didn't mean anything compared to how wet I had gotten a few hours ago while I had been running in the rain.

"Seriously?" Edward asked, turning his head to me.

I nodded my head.

"What city was that, CC?"

_CC?_

"Uh... Uhm... I can't... tell... _you_."

Edward chuckled while he held out his hand and opened the door to the passengers side. I scowled at him as he waited. Slowly I reached for his hand, with the only reason not to anger him, and turned my head to the inside of the car to step inside once I had loosely held his hand. His fingers, however, turned tightly around mine. We were both still wearing the gauze around our hands.

Before I could actually step in, his face got very close to my face, his breath on my face, while mine got stuck again in my throat.

"But the devil can be rather tempting sometimes," he asked slowly. "Don't you think so?"

I stopped getting inside the car and stared at him stupidly. He smirked when he saw my expression. His finger reached for a piece of hair and he pushed it behind me ear, leaving his fingers there close by my ear.

"But he's only going to use you," he said with a shake of his head as if it was obvious. As if I was blind. As if he was warning me and telling me I was a fool. "He'll take you with him to his place of complete darkness and he's going to use you over, and over, and over again."

I took a step back as my back hit the car door.

Why was he doing this?

"Be careful," he said with a slight scowl. "You might get hurt."

I heard the double meaning in those words.

_He is warning me._

I turned in panic and stepped inside the car. I yanked at my hand, but he only slowly released it, leaving me frustrated and panicky. Finally, my hand was pulled out of his completely and I stared straight in front of me. I noticed my bag, which I had left in the car. He closed the door and walked around to the car and reached the drivers side.

Again he barely said a word as I was panicking about Edward's whole being. He was a fool for thinking that I would ever follow him to his dark side. I would never go there. It would never get that far.

My eyes were dropping, and I was surprised by how tired I was.

I couldn't believe I had drifted off in his car, with him so close to me, but I had. I was woken up by Edward's hand running over my cheek.

"Wake up, baby girl," he said. "You're home."

I opened my eyes and looked at the familiar surroundings and couldn't help but smile.

_Finally, my salvation._

"Tha-" I began to thank him, but then froze with every right. I turned to him as my fingers began to tremble. My breathing stopped, and my heart accelerated. There was absolutely nothing that I could do to make this feeling go away. I felt like an idiot, and betrayed.

Please. Please, tell me this is not really happening. Edward had brought me home, to Charlie's house.

He chuckled when he saw my expression. And I did not waste one more second to get the hell out of that car. Did this mean something? How could he in gods name know where I lived?

I wanted to cry, so badly... I had tried so hard and now he knew something that I didn't want him to know, even if it was just the house where I lived.

I couldn't figure out if this meant that he knew my name. I just couldn't force myself to say that he now knew my name, because I didn't know if I even wanted to know that little piece of information.

But it didn't matter. _No way will it ever matter. _Because tonight I was going to flee the state.

I yanked at the door handle and just in time grabbed my bag and all but fell out of the car and closed it hurriedly. I had taken a few steps already, but then I heard the window roll down behind me.

"Do you remember that time when I told you I am your worst nightmare?" he asked in his smooth, relaxed voice.

I almost slipped in the mud and the rain had made me wet again in that short amount of time I had been standing in the rain. Edward's jacket was good at keeping me dry, but I hadn't closed it. The water easily slipped inside the jacket.

_Actually, practically everything I am wearing belongs to Edward._

I snapped my head to him as tears began to mix with the rain. I hoped he didn't see them. His body was just as relaxed as his voice, because he was looking at me with on arm on the steering wheel, his hand hanging over the end of the wheel. Only his head was bended a little, and I figured that was so that he could see my face.

He knew who I was, and was now asking me the silliest question I had ever heard, because how could I forget Edward's first spoken words to me?

Edward was asking me, but not really _asking me_ to know if I remembered that time, but he was asking me in a way to tell me that he had figured out my secret, which was my name. This was his way of telling me. And it was the worst way you could let someone know.

I didn't dare to look at him any longer, because I knew he wasn't able to stand to look at me, though at the moment it seemed like he enjoyed that I was feeling tortured, because he continued staring at me as if he still had to find out the most interesting thing about me.

"I still am."

He had known all along.

He winked and blew me a kiss as he circled the car around me while never breaking eye contact. The car reached the point where I couldn't see him anymore, and he drove away with more speed.

~#~

Very far.

That's how far I was able to go with her.

First the run. Then the water filled with sleeping pills, and while she knew that something was in the water, she did not ask me what it was. She just took it, just like all the punches and harsh words I threw at her.

The very first hit, that had been selfish from my side in each way possible, was something that she simply let happen.

Even after I tried pushing her towards a lie, a lie she didn't deny, because she was a scared little fool, she just let it happen. I told her that she wanted to be hit and she was okay with that, because she never denied that poorly made lie.

The second time I hit her, I made sure she was shocked enough to remain frozen. All she did was look at me with big, scared eyes. My comment about sex worked well enough.

Then I went for her arms, hitting just three times, while she was doing absolutely nothing. _Just admiring my biceps. _She was a very strange girl.

The next punch had been aimed for her face again and it was do to her own movement that her nose wasn't broken. _Fuck. _I should have never gone for the face, and for a brief moment I had been a real danger for the girl.

I tried telling her that it were other people she should fear, but instead I brought her back old memories that told me quite enough. They told me that she didn't have to fear them, because she already did. My warning had been for nothing.

With my threat, I had tried to scare her. By telling her I'd hit her with a few promised, painful bruises, she might find some strength to stand up for herself. And I had really scared her, because she had yelled, even before my fist had landed on her girly shoulder. And _fuck_. I had almost broken that girly shoulder.

I hadn't been done yet with pushing her towards the edge. I had told her I had wanted to have that pleasure of seeing her knock out. She was so scared, it made her voice shake. That's basically all that happened. More fear, less fighting instinct.

When she had screamed _no_ and shielded herself, I had wanted to stop the punch, but I couldn't. I couldn't give her that power over me, so instead I lessened the speed of the punch. It turned out that that was a good thing of me to do, because I had almost broken her fucking wrist.

She completely froze each time I went for a punch or when I closed some distance, but I knew that was a defection inside her body that perhaps would stay broken forever.

Something inside of me told me I had to warn her. Again, her fearful eyes didn't stop me from telling her that even though it could be tempting sometimes, I was only planning on doing one thing with her. And to show her that I was the one with the strings in his hands, I had let go of her hand in my own speed.

Luckily, she did fall asleep in the car as I had planned to. If she hadn't, she would have realized very quickly that I wasn't taking her to her car at school.

I had to let her know that I knew her name.

_Whatever helps you sleep at night._

I had heard her at the principles office. It had been unexpected to hear her say those two words. That's how I knew.

Even when she had been looking at the house, staring at me, trembling and fearing, she still wasn't sure if I knew her name or not. I could tell she wanted me not to know.

_Whatever helps you sleep at night._

I knew very well that I had been cruel to her ten years ago, eleven years ago, twelve years ago, but I _knew_ that I had been the cruellest to her today. Perhaps it was one of the first things that did not include my fists, my brother, sister or my friends.

I had wanted to break that spirit so hard.

But it was all already broken into tiny shatters.

~#~


	10. Lost

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to SM

**A/N: **Sorry for the extremely long chapter. I try to make them 5000, but it always get's more.

I would like to recomend this next story to you guys: You Took It All Away by DullyBeautiful04 with a direct link:

http : / / www .fanfiction .net/s/6850896/1/You_Took_It_All_Away

It's a beautiful story.

* * *

**10. Lost**

It took me quite a moment to be able to move again, to get some rational thoughts inside my head and unlock the front door.

Edward did that to me.

And, oh, it was all so messed up now.

I did not hear anyone else in the house and for that I was grateful. My entire state was an absolute mess. I was soaking wet, wearing boys clothes, the gauze was still on my hands and I was quite sure that my skin was red, maybe blue, on the places where Edward's fists had laid on my flesh. It was not something I could have ever explained to Charlie.

Barely did I know what to do. One moment I was so ready to pack my things and leave. But the next moment, all that courage went away, which left me standing in the living room on my own. I felt miserable, even though some part of me told me not to feel like that, because it didn't even matter anymore. Because, of course, I could always leave this rainy place in exchange for sunny Phoenix.

The hot shower barely helped calm me down and I only briefly looked at my face in the mirror when I was done and dressed for bed. I didn't want to see that face, with downcast eyes and a mouth that could no longer smile. Now, because of reasons well known to me, there was some slight swelling on both of my cheeks, and even a little bit of color, blue or green, I wasn't sure. I hadn't looked for that long.

I had skipped dinner, because I knew that nothing would go down my throat _now_. I was already feeling sick to the pit of my stomach.

I didn't sleep at all. My body was aching on the places where Edward's fists had touched my body. My mind was reeling over all the possibilities that could happen tomorrow. My fingers were trembling, but it was a strange trembling. It wasn't from hunger, because I never got shaky fingers from hunger. I was scared, but neither did they ever shake because of fear.

The fact still remained that they were shaking and I didn't know how to stop it.

Around four in the night, I got out of bed and grabbed a granola bar with chocolate because now I was hunger, but my fingers still kept trembling.

I tried taking deep breaths and tell myself that everything would be okay.

My fingers never recovered and soon I realized that there was sunlight shining in my room. My clock told me it was pretty much time to get up. It felt to me like it had just been a brief moment ago when I had seen Edward, but it also felt like an eternity.

Everything felt so unrealistic. For some strange incredible reason, I felt like I could handle everything in the world, just because I hadn't slept at all in the night.

That feeling however died when I started pulling on a pair of jeans with my black _I love Roma _hoodie. The only colour on the black hoodie, was the red shape of a heart and the white letters _I _and _Roma_. I loved that hoodie.

_Italy. Those were the good times._

I remember it was a really long journey. We had walked every single day throughout whole Rome, and we had visited Churches, the beautiful ruin that was the Colosseum and the Arch of Constantine. I remember that I had loved the Colosseum the most, which was strange to many of my friends, and maybe even to myself as well, but who cared about strangeness when I had felt at total ease when I had been inside to Colosseum, and had sat on the ground with my friend, only to see other people rushing around me, while I had just relaxed in one of the most beautiful and calmest places that I had ever been.

Of course I knew very well what the Colosseum was for. I knew my history. Many people had been executed there and battles had been fought. It had been a fortress, a quarry, and still after knowing those facts, this arena brought me peace.

_Had _brought me peace. It had. I wasn't there anymore and thinking about it wasn't enough to bring back that feeling. I had to be _there_ to relive the feeling of calmness and relaxation. Right now I felt the complete opposite of what I had felt there at that ruin.

My clock told me it was exactly time to leave, now, or else I would be late and slowly I did get off of my bed to grab my bag.

I heard the bell downstairs ring once. Fear struck me even more as for some reason I thought that it was Edward behind the door. But that was silly and just wasn't true, it couldn't.

Carefully I walked to my window to see if I could see the person.

There was only one thing I saw, and it took my breath away.

A huge, black motorcycle was standing on our front porch, a monster, a beast, a dangerous vehicle that reached speeds I did not even want to think about.

What _huge _person owed a bike like that? It looked like it weighed a thousand pounds and had been designed for a bodybuilder.

The bell was ringed again and I quickly walked over to the door to open it.

"Hi."

I hadn't opened the door all the way, and the boy was already talking. I scowled when I saw him. He was huge, and had black hair, dark eyes and a slightly native american look.

"Hi," he said again with a prominent smile on his face.

"Uh... sorry, hi," I quickly said, running my eyes over his body. He was huge. One bundle of muscle.

"Bella?" he carefully asked.

"What?" I said, snapping my eyes back up. I tried to think back and think if I had said my name somewhere in our brief conversation. I came out blank and scowled at him.

"You're Bella," he said in conclusion.

"Who are you?" I asked instead.

"Jacob, I live at the reservation," he said, pointing a little backwards as if the reservation was there. "My dad knows yours. Actually, they've known each other for years now. I don't guess you know me?"

I shook my head, feeling like I was insulting him.

Did I want to know him?

He seemed extremely nice and kind, but was a ready to... get into a _relationship_? Or anything else that involved a boy?

"It's just that, my dad has talked about you in the past and we have one picture of you from when you were a kid," he explained.

"What?" I asked with huge eyes. "My picture?"

"Well, yeah. I think you were two at the time, but it's not just you on the photo. My dad, your dad and I'm on the picture too. Just faintly, you look like the girl on the picture."

"Oh," I said, feeling slightly relieved.

The boy laughed a little.

"I didn't know you live here," he said, scratching his neck.

"Yeah, since Monday," I said curtly.

I liked him, but I was not sharing my history with him.

"Cool," he said, looking back at my car.

Oh!

"Jacob!" I said, his name a bit too enthusiastically. "I mean: Jacob." I laughed nervously. He looked back at me with confusion. "I mean... I remember, Charlie told me you sold him that car." I pointed at the truck.

"Yeah," he said with a grin. "Do you like it?"

"It's great," I said with a smile. "Thanks. Or else I would have been forced to go with Charlie's car..." I said, bringing my eyes to the left and right.

Jacob laughed again.

"No can do that," he said with a shake of his head. "I just came by to tell Charlie that Billy, my dad, won't be able to make it tonight for the fishing trip, but I see I've already missed him."

"Oh. Well, I can tell him when I get back home," I offered.

"Thanks, Bella," he said, turning back again and quickly running off the four steps.

I stared at him. Again. He really did look nice. I didn't really feel like I knew him, but apparently we had met in the past.

He turned and I blushed slightly at being caught.

The funny thing was that he barely noticed, or chose to ignore it.

"I'm going to school, and it's pretty much the same way to Fork's high."

I brought my head a bit to the side, as if to wonder what he was asking. It took me just a second too long to understand, until he further explained himself.

"Do you want a ride?"

My mouth dropped a little on it's own accord, my eyes flashing to the pitch black beast.

"On that?" I asked, pointing at the motorcycle, but even my finger almost did not dare to point at it too long and to rudely, as if the bike could get insulted. It was a stupid question and now Jacob would surely think that I was a moron.

I tried to redeem myself, by pretending I had to do something else.

"I have to..." I pointed back to the house, then looking back to see if I could see anything that could be reason enough to say no and not sound stupid.

"Bye, Bells," Jacob said in a mocking tone with a laugh. He knew that I was scared.

_God_, was I that transparent?

"Catch you later," he said, walking to his bike and putting on his helmet.

"Wait," I called to him abruptly, but the words were said before I could think them really through. "Is it still too late?"

He brought up the glass of his helmet so that his face was visible.

"For what?"

"To take you up on your offer?" I said carefully, guessing he had already changed his mind and didn't want a boring girl like me behind him on his fancy motorcycle.

"Yes!" he said happily.

"Okay," I said, smiling brightly at his enthusiasm.

I stepped on the front porch and closed the door behind me, walking towards his bike.

Jacob stepped off and grabbed a second helmet, putting it on my head.

"So, Bella, you do realize that big blue bruise on your cheek is pretty noticeable?"

"What?" I asked in shock, my hand going to my cheek to touch it.

"Well, maybe it's not very blue and very big, but it must have hurt?" he said carefully. "What is it, an abusive boyfriend? Or an angry ex boyfriend?"

I laughed nervously while looking down to avoid his eyes.

"Not exactly," I said. "Just sparring, because at gym they suddenly want us to be able to box."

That sounded worthy of being believed.

"Sparring? Jeez, where did you leave your arms? Protect you face, your arms can handle a few punches."

"He was fast," I said, still nervous about discussing this with a stranger.

"He? A boy?"

"Yes," I said curtly. "I'm going to be late if you don't leave."

He glanced at his watch and looked thoughtfull.

"We'll make it on time, don't worry," he said. "Do I know him?"

"I don't know."

"What's his name?" he asked.

He wasn't going to drop this.

"Edward."

Jacob froze and his eyes widened.

"The autistic ODD Cullen?" he asked, but then I saw him roll his eyes and drop the glass in front of his helmet. Quickly I did the same, with some effort and stepped behind him, then cluelessly letting my hands in the air. Jacob had noticed them and taken them in his, while putting them around his waist all the way until my hands met each other.

Autistic? Odd?

"What does that mea-" I had begun, but my word had ended in a scream as Jacob had started the motorcycle and was driving fast in just a matter of few seconds.

"Relax!" Jacob called with a laugh.

"Slow down!" I screamed over the loud thunder that was the engine. "Dammnit, Jacob!"

"This is fun, right?" he yelled back instead.

I screamed exasperatedly in response.

But man, was he fast. It was in a nick of time that he drove his fancy bike over the high school parking space and I literally froze as I realized that many other people had just arrived as well.

I quickly hopped off the bike and pulled off the helmet. I almost tumbled over because I was still used to being moved very fast, sit very still and have my ears grow numb by my own screams.

Jacob pulled up the glass from his bike to look at me.

"Sorry, but I can't stay any longer, I'm late as it is!" he said, practically screaming over the engine that he had kept running.

I was painfully aware of the silence that had threaded over the entire lot and my face painted an obvious red shade.

Again Jacob didn't notice.

"Keep that, you might need it," he continued in his loud voice, "say, after school?"

He grinned when I just stared at him. He took my silence as a yes, for he said his next words nonchalantly and loudly.

"Bye, Bella! See you at three!"

And with that, he drove off, but not before creating dry sand and dust fly in the air and in to my entire shock, it was all going in Edward's direction, whom I had just noticed.

I was too aware of the fact that Jacob had screamed out my name and suspicion had to be raised right now. Gossips would be spread and lies would be believed.

And just for that brief moment, I didn't care, because Jacob would be here for me at three. I was holding his helmet tightly in my arms, holding it in front of my stomach.

The sand cloud around Edward made him seem fragile and weaker then Jacob. In fact I think Edward was smaller then Jacob. But Edward ought to be much stronger.

I took a deep, shaky breath to prepare myself for another horrible day, and turned to walk inside the second hell I knew.

"Hang on," I heard Mike say.

_Please don't be talking to me, please, I beg of you._

"Bella? _Bella?_ No!"

I turned around and forced a smile. I couldn't lie anymore.

I didn't want to anymore.

"Yes, Mike?"

"Bella?" he repeated.

"What?"

"You are _Bella_?"

"I am."

_Oh man, quit it already._

Mike was very confused and I felt sorry for a moment, because he had tried to help me on our first day.

"I lied on my first day and I lied to everybody. I understand if you completely hate me for it for the rest of my life. Bye, Mike."

I turned my back to him and walked on.

Well, of course they would all hate me.

"What the hell? Wait!" Mike appeared next to me with even more confusion written on his face. "I'm sure... well I guess you had your reasons. I don't hate you! Bella? Seriously? It's been years!"

I forced out a smile.

"Well, all that shit most people did to you of course sucked! And then you were apparently smoking stolen cigarettes that you had stolen out of the purse from Mrs. Penny... uh... in the toilette's at each break until you got caught... well... uh..."

I froze.

And Mike continued walking for a few more steps. Behind me were people as well and technically we were still outside.

That was the lie that had been created, made, formed and believed by everyone. The only people who knew the truth were me and the ones that hated me.

"Yeah..." I forced out, swallowing heavily.

The helmet was giving me comfort. It was nice to have something to hold and not have my hands just hang loosely around me. I kept gripping it tightly and hoped my finger dents wouldn't ruin the nice blue head protector.

I never looked back to see who had heard, how they were looking, what their faces were showing, or what they would say in my face. I couldn't bare anymore insults and shameful looks thrown in my direction. They had already chosen what they wanted to believe. Who was I? Bella. She had smoked. She had stolen. She was disgusting. She was a bad example. Who was I? Nobody.

Did I mind?

Of course. It stung like alcohol on a fresh wound. My past had finally caught up on me and people just loved to believe a dirty lie about a dirty girl.

Almost did I set my mind on just skipping school, but then again, I _wanted _to see the end of this day, to know what they would say and not say, to see how they would look at me and what stunts they would try to pull at me.

Truth be told, it hurt. As I walked to my first class, I noticed Angela had taken another seat. She did throw me one sympathetic smile, but that was all.

The message was sent to me very clearly. She didn't want to sit next to me.

One 'friend' down.

How many would Edward and his lemmings be able to put down?

The teacher barely cared about me, my name change and why Angela wasn't sitting next to me.

Before class ended I knew that I would now have to go to Art, which meant the girl Cullen.

She was already seated at our usual desk, but when I sat down next to her, she didn't respond or even look at me.

I could see it written all over her face.

_'To disgusting to even look at.'_

Two down in just barely one hour.

I was remarkable calm for someone who was about to face the three lemmings of the boss.

I didn't have the strength for it anymore. I was empty, like a zombie. I just tried to do whatever that needed to be done, but what nobody saw behind my monotonous face, was by pretending to be fine, I was losing a part of myself.

The helmet was my friend for now. I put it in the corner of the table and occasionally looked at it with the knowledge that Jacob would be here to give me a ride back home.

As I was walking, I fell, _hard_, on my face and hands. Students around me were laughing and I was shocked for a moment. I hadn't been in a situation like this for years, but now I was, and it was a strange feeling. I was as if all those years of peace didn't matter, because now I was back in this hell.

It had been Rosalie. One of her eyebrows was high up, watching me with mock, watching me with sarcasm, cursing at me with blue, piercing eyes.

I didn't understand how someone could hate a person so much.

For some reason, she seemed pissed off. So with helmet in my hand, I pushed myself off of the floor.

I took my seat behind them and watched all the back of their heads.

Rosalie next to Lauren.

Tanya next to Jessica.

They had swapped placed.

I was waiting. The minutes passed each other, until they reached another number. Five minutes. Ten minutes.

Never did they say a thing. All of them were deadly quiet. Jessica once glanced back with confusion on her face, but stayed put when the others didn't say anything. Jessica probably didn't know anything about me. The others did, and I didn't know why they were this silent.

They weren't doing _anything_!

I watched the few sums that the teacher had written down on the white board as if it was very fascinating, while in fact my head was a mess.

All four of them got up once the bell signaled the end of class and they left.

_They left._

I grabbed my bag to go to Spanish, still feeling hollow.

"Wait, Miss Swan."

I winced slightly as I turned to the teacher.

"What's all this? I hear about the principle that we are not to speak of your name change? What is this?"

He was getting more angry with the second. But I was shocked because of what he told me. The principle had told the teachers not to mention it. That was the kindest thing anyone had ever done to me.

"Are we in danger? What have you done?"

My eyes widened and almost did I burst out in laughter.

"No! It has nothing to do with something like that," I said with obvious confusion in my voice.

"I hope so for you, missy," he said, getting up and putting his stuff in his bag.

"I know so," I replied and quickly left the classroom.

This was much worse then I had thought.

Throughout the entire next hour, they again didn't talk, they didn't look back, and I kept staring at the three at them, and occasionally Jessica as well, to perhaps know what they were thinking.

Just then I realized I wasn't the only one watching someone. I myself was being watched as well.

There were a few boys, nobody I really knew all too well, just those boys you sat in class with, but never really said more then two words to. Some girls glanced back as well, but none of them watched me with sympathy. Mostly anger.

Lunch was a complete dread.

I wasn't allowed to eat.

Oh. Joy.

Apparently, the entire school knew about me stealing cigarettes and smoking them on my own in the toilets when I had been eight. At first I didn't understand what they were doing, I got an occasional shove or elbow in my stomach, but then I realized.

They want me out of the line.

So I turned with a quiet sigh to myself.

_Fine, I'll starve._

I got really uncomfortable when I saw that Rosalie was standing in front of the main entrance. Now I couldn't even get out of the cafeteria! What on earth could they possible still want from me? They were practically grown ups. It was a mystery to me why they didn't act like one.

I held onto the helmet with more strength, when suddenly it was pulled out from my grip.

"Hey!" I said, shock evidence in my voice.

Lauren had taken it and was now far, far away. She had walked past Rosalie and left.

Hotness came into my eyes, but I brought my eyes up slightly, to get rid of the feeling. It's like when you are just five and somebody steals your toy. You feel powerless and are afraid you will never get it back. You are deadly afraid of you mother because you think she'll be angry with you because you didn't take it back from them.

Right now, I was scared of telling Jacob that his helmet was taken from me.

Were they going to take my books as well? My bag and my pens? My clothes and hair? My organs even? Why didn't they just take my whole body and have their fun.

I turned abruptly to take the second exit instead.

_Tanya._

The bitch gang. That's what they were. That's what I would call them from now on.

And the bitch gang obviously still hated me.

Now the line was much shorter, but I had long lost my appetite.

"Move," Edward's voice snapped and I jumped. Then I realized he hadn't been talking to me but to Rosalie. She glared at him as she allowed him his access.

Edward began walking to the lunch line when his head went to my direction. He looked around, seeing Rosalie, Tanya, my appearance and face.

He merely grinned and shook his head in disapproval.

"What doesn't kill you obviously hasn't made you stronger," Edward said, glancing at me. "Rosalie, cut the crap!"

"Fuck you!"

"Tame that beast, Emmett!" Edward said when Emmett appeared behind Rosalie.

"Shut up!" she screamed, earning everyone's attention. "I hate you, Edward!"

"Right at ya, baby!"

Rosalie turned her attention to Emmett who was talking to her. She glared at Emmett as she told him something in return.

"Tanya, move."

Edward's words moved like magic on Tanya, because she instantly sat next to Jessica on the table that she was sitting on.

"Aren't you-"

I didn't hear any other word, because I fled through the exit that was now clear from Tanya.

But I had barely taken a few more steps before I heard a furious voice behind me and I turned in fright to see Edward.

"I was talking to you, bitch!"

My eyes widened and suddenly Edward closed his eyes for a second until he opened them to look at me with the tiniest hint of confusion.

"I'm sorry, I had forgotten who I was talking to and who you really are," Edward said.

I scowled until suddenly Edward groaned in defeat.

"No! Please don't tell me we're back _there_ again! Seriously! Talk!"

I bit my lip and started walking backwards until Edward took a few quick strides and I froze, but not for long, because I turned and quickly went for the stairs.

"You won't go," Edward said, his words saying that that's the end of it.

I stopped walking as he came even closer. Even though I didn't see him, I could tell, he was standing right behind me.

"You won't leave Forks. You will stay here and not secretly leave like you did last time, you little, weak _bitch_." I gasped. "I don't care about your feelings and how scared you are, because you don't mean a damn thing to me. _But..._ You will stay. You aren't going anywhere."

His voice told me that was it. I tried breathing and each time opening my mouth to say something, and there were many things I wanted to say, but the words got stuck.

One of his fingers poked in my ribs and I jumped at the sudden touch, turning only halfway to press my back against the wall and look up at him. He was staring down at me with amusement.

"I'm very glad you're back," he said with a little nod of his head. "You can only imagine." He took a few steps backwards. "Right, sugar?" He winked, and turned to go back to the lunch room.

~#~

Lunch was heaven. I was fully content with my life. And now, I knew the mystery that had been Coco.

Somewhere in the far distance, Tanya, Lauren en Rosalie were talking and I rolled my eyes. Those bitches were seriously crazy. They were more messed up then I was.

"Bro," Emmett said.

"What?" I snapped.

"Bella Swan."

"Yeah?" I said with a grin. "I vaguely remember that name."

"Hello!" Emmett snapped this time. "We outta apologize." I quirked an eyebrow. "It's the normal thing to do."

"I'm sorry, please repeat yourself because I am pretty sure my ears heard you wrong."

"Douche! We threw trash over her, we have hurt her physically, once she had almost brain damage and we _always _outnumbered her. We, Edward, were never fair and now it's time to go and face the damage we've caused on her. Seriously, I mean it."

"She's fine," I said, waving my hand. "Trust me. She's totally okay with everything. Boxing lessons are going great."

Emmett's big hand came in contact with the table and the whole caffetaria went quiet.

"You? You did that to her? You! Have you seen her face, bro? What else did you do to her? Let me tell you something right now, Edward. I am going to the girl to tell her I'm deeply sorry and you _will _leave her alone. But fucking not before you apologize as well!"

"Uhu."

"Got it?" he snapped.

"Yes, darling," I said, faking a smile.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" he said, getting up. "Don't be disgusting!"

I smirked at him and then rolled my eyes.

"She's fine," I repeated.

"Liar."

I was already looking forward to going to Biology. Hurt her a little more, push her a little more.

"Edward, I swear to God-"

"Look at that, it's time for class," I said, getting up and just then the bell rang. "Bye, big Bro. G'luck giving her your sincere apologies. I'm _sure _she'll accept all the dirt you threw at her and how you ruined that favorite Hello Kitty shirt of hers in second grade."

Knowing that now he would reconsider telling her he's sorry, I went to Biology and sat on my chair with my hands behind my head. Soon her chair would scrape behind and I would begin a few fun games. I detested the jeans she was wearing though.

Well, it could still be fun.

Then I sat up straight in my chair and glared at the closed door as Mr. Banner walked to his desk.

Where the hell was she?

I glanced at the clock a few more times, but she wasn't coming and she was already late for four minutes.

Stupid bitch. Hurry the damn up.

She had the guts to be late when she knew she had class with me.

She couldn't have gone home, because she had come with Black on his motorcycle. Or she was walking.

I tried thinking back to what Rosalie was gossiping about with Tanya and Lauren, when I heard their exact words in my head.

_My gift, my curse._

They hadn't been gossiping. They were scheming.

_'Force.'_

_'Again.'_

I shot out of my stair and earned a glare from Mr. Banner. I grabbed my bag and glared at him as well.

"Sit down, Mr. Cu-"

"Go to hell," I said, while throwing the door open and throwing it back, satisfied when it closed with a loud bang. A bit louder would have been better. I was damn frustrated.

The bitches couldn't possible be doing it again.

It wasn't possible.

But I did smell it.

Jessica was standing in front of the door and looked damn scared.

"Jessica!" I snapped.

She jumped when she heard me and went for the doorhandle, but I gave her one hard shove that sent her sideways. I didn't look back at her as I grabbed the door handle myself.

I smelled the damn weed and opened the door that led to the girls toilets.

I wouldn't believe it, until I saw it with my own eyes.

_I believe it._

There they fucking were.

My sister, my two exes and the outcast..

"Bitch!" I said, glaring at Tanya. "Bitch!" I glared at Lauren. "Bitch!" I finished as I glared at Rosalie.

They were all bitches and ought to know the truth.

However, out of the corner of my eyes, I had seen the ounce of innocence wince exactly _three _times.

Well, fuck me.

"What in the fuck are you doing? Put. It. Off."

"Edward, relax. We were just letting Bella over here have a nice smoker."

That's when I looked at the virgin.

_Fuck me backwards._

_They'd made her high._

As high as she could get though.

Then the joint came in view, but it wasn't because of me turning my head. Rosalie was inching the hot end towards the white skin with a tint of pink on her cheeks. Then just before it touched her cheek, I slammed my fist into Rosalie's shoulder and she flew behind and fell on her back, letting out a cry of pain.

"Take that, you fucking pothead!" I screamed, seething at the girl I had to call my sister. A choked, whimpering sound came from beneath me.

_Bella._

For the first time in years, I allowed myself to just _think _her name in my head.

_Bella._

She was crying and holding onto herself tightly.

"What the hell did you do to her?" I asked in anger, glaring at Rosalie. "You are a fucking whore!"

Rosalie gasped as she slowly got up, the joint had fallen out of her fingers.

"Edward..."

"Shut up," I said, bending down my knees in front of the girl with no sins.

"Edward, it was just a jo-" Tanya began, but I stood up straight again and almost ran until she fall backwards on her own accord. Whether she had been about to say joke or joint, neither words did I like.

"Don't you even dare and go there, _Tanya_!" I said. "Look what you fucking did to her! Isn't she damaged enough already?"

_Fuck it_.

I turned and walked back to the small, high, fearful, tearful body.

I wanted to hit those three girl when I saw that the redness on her cheeks wasn't just from being high en embarrassed.

_Did I hit that hard?_

"And who's fault is that?" Rosalie suddenly snapped, getting my out of my train of thoughts. "Mine? Theirs?" She pointed at Lauren and Tanya. "Emmetts? _Yours_, Edward? You wanted to do this. You wanted us to force _another_ cigarette, _again_, on her lips and have her inhale it!"

"What the fuck?" I said, scowling at the pure evil. "That is not a cigarette and I never-"

I stopped abruptly and turned to glare at Bella when I heard her shriek, only to instantly let that glare drop because I couldn't glare at a girl that had done nothing but try and be nice to fallen angels.

Bella's huge eyes, thick tears leaking out of them, were staring straight at me.

_Fuck._

I could fucking imagine how it looked like to her. She was thinking that all this had been my plan.

I turned my glare to the three real bitches.

"What do you want, Rosalie?" I snapped.

Were they all angry at me or something? I knew the exes were, but I didn't know Rosalie was as well.

"Edward! We did what you told us to do! We took the joint and brought Bella here. Just like _you_ said."

"What the hell are you trying to pull?" I hissed, seething now. What had I done to deserve this?

"But this is what you wanted, Edward. This was your plan! You told us to do this."

I winced just when I heard Bella whimper behind me. Rosalie's sick, happy smile was on Bella and when I turned, I saw that her head was on her knees, blocking us all out of her sight. Her hair was also falling on her face and her body was trembling to a point where I shivered by just the look of it.

Fuck, she needed to get out of here.

"You are fucking with me, Rosalie, and it's a fine job," I said. I glared at Lauren en then Tanya. "Just know that my bites back really do kill." I smirked at the lot of them and this time went to Bella with a purpose.

She had to get out.

"Let's get you up," I said, leaning over Bella and quickly putting my hands behind her knees and her back to pick her up in my arms.

Her trembling got worse and as did her breathing. Nothing I could do, would calm her down, I truly feared. She would just have to sit it out, until somehow she would get back and the high would wear off.

Rosalie laughed behind me and if I could, I would have flipped her the bird.

So instead, I said, "Fuck you. I'm gonna kill you tonight."

Bella winced and her hands got on my chest and pushed, and pushed, without luck.

With one last glare, I pushed on the door with my back and pushed the door handle down with my elbow, and left the toilets. Jessica was gone. She was a pathetic excuse for a girl.

I wanted to snap at the damaged good in my arms.

_I wasn't fucking talking to you, Bella!_

But she obviously thought I was. Each time I said something to _them _she winced because she thought I was talking to her.

"Hey," I said, trying to make my voice sound softer. Shit, that shit wasn't easy.

Getting any louder seemed to only make it worse around her.

She was still very panicky.

"Girl, you're in fine hands now," I said, tyring to be soothing.

Bella freaked out instead.

"Don't... pain... I will... anything... hurt... I'll do... anything..."

"Listen," I said, trying to get her head back in my direction, but she was far gone. She couldn't finish a sentence and her body was having horrible tremors which went straight inside my own. The feeling was repulsive, but not repulsion towards her. Just all the people that had gotten her in this mess.

I quickly walked faster, toward's the stairs and ran down them until I made it to the exit and opened the door by pushing it with my back, again. The rain hit her face, which caused her more fright.

I shook her a little, but her head still didn't get up.

"So...sorry..." she mumbled. "I'll be... won't go... stay here and... I'll won't..." She groaned and her hand came up a little but then she dropped it again. She almost seemed stoned.

She was pleading me not to hurt her, she was telling me she'd do anything, stay here in Forks like I had demanded from her just a few minutes ago and she was telling me she didn't want anymore pain.

"Listen to me," I snapped to her one more time. "Snap out of it. I know you can. Come on, baby."

"Don't..." she said in her sudden high voice, "Forks stay in Edward..."

I looked at her in confusion as her eyes suddenly rolled back, leaving me with nothing just the white of her eyes.

_Where is the brown?_

_What's happening?_

"Fuck!" I snapped just to cause Bella's body to flinch against mine.

She couldn't be more scared. It was impossible. I forced myself to look down at her, to look at her face and her entire state and her smell.

Gone was the sweet scent and it was replaced with drugs, forced into her without her consent.

Almost like rape.

I bent through my knees at my car and grabbed the door handle to open it. I placed her in the back seat and she instantly fell on her back on the leather seat.

Not caring about where I was, who she was and definitely who I was, I climbed in as well, my knees by her tighs and my hands by her shoulders.

I would never do this for any girl. I never did comfort girls when they cried. They had to get their own shit together by themselves or their friends. I wasn't going to help them with their insane issues.

"Look at me."

But here I found myself, doing quite the opposite.

I grabbed her face and tried to keep it still, but her eyes were rolling everywhere, going up and down, left and right, making circles and everything else that was possible.

"Babe, look," I said, more soft this time. "Come on, sugar. Don't go there. You don't want to go there, sweetheart. Come on, sweetie."

I ran my thumbs over her eyebrows and then here eyes, which closed automatically once my fingers got to close.

But when I removed them, her eyes were still moving uncontrollably.

_Fucking keep them still._

I didn't know anyone that reacted this badly on a joint.

"Fucking look!"

Her eyes closed and they were shut tight, causing wrinkles on her eyes and nose.

_Oh, man._

"I'm sorry," I quickly apologized. "I wasn't going to hurt you, honey. I'd never hurt you."

_Yeah, I know I'm a liar, Emmett._

"Try and focus on a point," I said. "I know you don't believe me. I didn't even sound convincing, now did I? All I've done in the brief moments we've met, is hurt you. But right now, I am telling you the truth. If you don't try and calm yourself, you'll end up in the hospital, something that neither one of us wants."

Her eyes stayed shut, but I felt her trembling get lesser. I heard her frantic breaths.

I sighed and watched her, watched as she was suffering.

It was like a bird you had just seen get attacked by others because it was an outcast and was now breathing its last breaths. All you could do was watch it die and hear it squeak a few times in horror, in pain, in shock, because the bird was alone, in pain and dying. And then it was still, the bird didn't move and you couldn't hear it squeak anymore. The bird had died in front of you and all you were able to do for it, was just be there.

This had happened once in my life and the sound of dozens of birds suddenly squeaking loudly had been horrible, even to me. It was the sound of them that had pretty much given me the feeling that something was wrong and impossible to fix. And when I stepped into our garden, I noticed many birds on each other and quickly, they flew off, with the exception of one. I had been a little bit naive, thinking it would survive and putting it in a box quickly. But it took me until the moment it died to know that I wouldn't have been able to save it.

Of course, that had been a period of my life where I was taken many pills at the same time, and they had changed me drastically. If that happened right now I would have just let it die without looking back at it and without feeling guilty.

Suddenly, I heard her gasp and then murmur incoherently.

"Bella," I said, my voice far from the one I had used for years now.

I called her by her name for the first time. First I thought her name in for the first time, and now I said it out loud, to her.

"It's okay, Bella. Just breathe and it's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. You're not on your own. You're safe."

I looked at her with anticiptation as her chest was moving with the fast breaths she was taking, and how her eyes slowly started to relax.

Finally I saw her brown eyes again - fully, and when she saw me, she was utterly disorientated. I could see it in her eyes, how they were moving around and looking around her, trying to remember where she was, who she was and what she was doing.

"Get off," she said in panic, in utter fright.

I was taken a back for a moment at how quick she was, but tried to throw the comment aside playfully.

"Whoa, baby, take it easy," I said, "and I _might _get off. I don't know. You are kind of irresistible."

Bella was staring at me, really staring without blinking. For fun, I stared back and tried to see how long she'd look at me this time. She always looked away from me.

Her face had changed. The disorientation was gone, but now she looked a little bit confused. As if she was going to lose it any minute from now.

Damn, was I right.

"What do you want from me?" she shrieked, pushing me hard with her hands on my chest but I braced myself so that I wouldn't budge and her hands stayed on my chest as she kept pushing. "You hate me, then you compliment me, and then... and then... I don't know, I don't understand anymore!"

I changed my position, so that I didn't have to lean on my hands anymore, but I kept my body up to avoid the forbidden creature.

Now that I had my hands back, I put them on hers and held them in mine to push them back towards her own body.

"You get that wrong, darling," I said. "I don't hate you. I never have."

I got out and pulled her with me. She was still a bit high, but it had a bad effect on her. It didn't make her happy, just gave her more courage to talk. She felt bad, I could see it.

"You do," she said. She pulled her hands out of mine and let them hang by her side. She leaned against my car and was now not any taller than sixty inches.

"I don't," I said. I didn't hate her. I just liked seeing how she would react each time I did something.

"You do," she repeated in a sigh.

"No, I don't," I said, really snapping this time.

She looked up at me with tearful eyes. She looked small this way, just innocent and not knowing what was happening to her. Really, she was just a girl, young and naive, thinking everything would be alright if you just believed that for long enough. Somebody had to tell her the damn truth for once, though. The world was a cruel place and I tried showing her, but she was still a little idiot. A fool that saw the good in bad people. She would have given Hitler a second chance.

I chuckled darkly at that thought.

Just when she would have turned her back to that man, a bullet would have gone straight through her chest, killing her. Killing all her naivety, killing her innocence and killing the damn child she was.

Right now I did hate her, but the hate was not the one that people would use for revenge or to kill. This hatred was wrong. It was there for purposes beyond reasons I understood. I had to understand it though.

"Don't cry," I snapped in anger.

Her eyes shifted away from me and when she looked down, she started stepping away from the car and me.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

What a silly girl, to leave safety. Didn't she feel strange? I would have to make the decisions for her then.

She pointed to the school building.

I rolled my eyes, trying to make her think that she was an idiot.

"You're a walking Mary Jane and wasn't it," I pretended to think, "yesterday when you got caught on smoking weed, if it hadn't been for me?"

She widened her eyes and her whole body demeanor changed into one that belonged to a kicked puppy. Or a dying bird.

"It's just one class," I said. "Besides, I'm not there either, and when bad and good both skip class, the bad usually gets punished harder, and they sort of forget the good. I skip all the time, it's no biggie. Right now you could use it in your advantage and let me take you home."

"N-No," she said, shaking her head. Something she had always done. She would shake her head, or nod whenever she said the word that suited that motion, for more effect I guess.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head. She watched me strangely for a second and I inwardly smiled. "How else were you gonna get home? A heavy rain fall is on its way."

"Jacob," she said quietly. "He's coming here."

"You're forgetting you're still a walking Mary Jane," I said with a shrug. "You're boyfriend won't be impressed."

Joking that he was her boyfriend was excruciatingly fun. I knew for a fact that she wouldn't date, not so fast anyway. She must have just met the guy.

Her mouth dropped open as she diverted her gaze.

"He's not," was all she said.

"Come on," I said, getting tired of this game. I grabbed her arm and pushed her back, opened the car door to the back seat and pushed her a bit too hard, I'm afraid, because she shrieked.

"No!"

Angrily, I threw the door close when she was in and walked to my car seat. Whether she had screamed _no _to rape or _no _to no ride I didn't want to know, because I already knew the answer.

She had never been raped. But she thought I would do that.

How could anyone even fear something that hadn't even happened to that person yet? That's just sickening, mostly to yourself.

I opened the door and got in my seat, and the first thing I did when the car was started, was put the volume of the radio high on.

_"I'm on the edge of glory. And I'm hanging on a moment of truth."_

It was good enough for me and when I looked in my rear view mirror, I saw that Bella was looking like she was in pain.

"My ears hurt too, but this way, I don't have to listen to the shit you say, which is mostly nothing," I said. She didn't hear, because I didn't even hear myself. Her face kept looking like she was going to be sick and as if a hammer was hitting on her head frequently.

I started the car and drove to her house.

_"You make me dance, bring me up, bring me down, place it sweet, make me move, like a freak, Mister Saxobeat."_

It was a nice beat. Bella's head had turned, just like the hammer had turned into a gun. Didn't the girl like music?

Well, whatever, I took one final turn and stopped in front of her house. I turned down the volume, just for a few words.

"I'll take you back to school so you can meet with your boyishfriend, just don't hesitate."

And the volume was high up again.

She got out of the car quickly and closed the door, only she didn't hit the door hard enough, so she had to open it again and close it again.

I rolled my eyes but found myself laughing as she walked towards the door and was fucking taking her time to open the door. Eventually, I saw her bend down and start to throw out stuff out of her bag and put them on the ground. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the door.

_Handy system._

It was just nine minutes later she walked out of that door again and I didn't let myself look shocked as she stepped back into the car.

"You're fast for a girl," I said, but Katy Perry had been much louder.

_"Let's go all the way tonight."_

I turned down the volume.

"Maybe tonight won't be such a great idea," I said, smirking, but she wouldn't see, because I kept myself out of the rearview mirror so we both wouldn't see each other.

_There, now you know what I want from you._

She had changed her clothes and put on something that smelled fresh. That's when I realized that she had been walking with a helmet all day long, except now she didn't have it.

I reached the volume's button and kept my fingers on it.

"Where'd you leave the helmet?"

"In Lauren's hands," she said and I turned the button again.

_Wait the fuck._

"What?" I snapped when the volume was down again.

"What?" she said with big, confused eyes which I now saw from the rear view mirror.

"Why didn't you tell me? Now we have to waste more time on finding the damn thing."

Bella scowled, obviously she wanted to tell me something, but didn't.

"What?" I snapped, looking pointedly at her. "Just say it already."

She looked shocked, but muttered out her next words.

"It's my wasted time, not yours."

"What, I should have left you at the toilets?"

"Yes."

"What?" I asked with a scowl. "I'm not heartless."

She didn't reply anymore and turned her head completely, which kind of hurt, because she did see me as a heartless bastard.

Fine. You want heartless. You get heartless.

I stopped the car. I knew exactly where we were.

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

"Get out."

"What?" she asked in a tiny voice, looking at her surroundings, which were basically trees, mud and a heavy rain fall.

"Get out," I said. "Get out of my car. Fucking leave the car!"

And she complied instantly, but not before I saw tears running down her cheeks.

_Don't cry. Ask nicely and I'll let you stay in the car._

I heard the car door close, with enough strength to close it and sighed.

She didn't get the damn message. And now I was heartless, according to her. Maybe I had scared her and she was still freaked out.

She didn't walk further down the road towards school, or back to her home.

No, she walked into the goddamn forest.

I was very intrigued at where she was going.

_Short cut. Suicide. Avoid me. Disorientated. Still high. Cry._

All those thoughts went through my head, but I had to know. I hadn't mind the rain for as long as I could remember and as I stepped out of the car to walk behind her - and stalk her - I wondered if she would ever forgive me, even if I behaved nicely.

I reached for the pill I detested, pulled it out of its packet, which I threw on the ground, and swallowed it.

Being nice meant taking those pills.

~#~

Now I had seen what had been done to me.

I had wanted to know, like a curious cat.

But the sharp light had blinded me and there was nothing else for me to see.

I was lost, but not in this world.

Lost, because I was clueless at what to do next.

I was nothing, not strong, not able to breathe on my own anymore.

He had wanted me hurt and he had wanted to see me suffer, and now that he had, I hoped that I had pleased him in a way, because when I would leave this world, I would have at least done one good thing.

Give a cruel boy his cruel happiness for his cruel intentions.


	11. Fog

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to SM.

**A/N: **I nearly write anymore. I'm sorry. I try to, but it doesn't flow as easily as it used to.

* * *

**A Demon's Faith - Within Temptation**

Now that you know  
Your way in this madness  
Your powers are gone  
Your chains have been broken  
You've suffered so long  
You will never change

* * *

**11. Fog**

The police crossed my mind. My image of the police was that they would be able to fix all my problems. They were able to help me and tell me what to do. I could tell somebody about my problems, and maybe tell them the truth. Not just bits of the stories, but all of it. They would understand me, because I hadn't done anything wrong. I was innocent and they would see that.

The only problems and ironic thing was that Charlie was the police.

And maybe I could talk to another police officer, but with the knowledge of Charlie being a colleague of that other police officer, made me reconsider my choice.

I was not going to go to the police. Maybe they were able to help me, but not today.

The rain was pouring and I was soaking wet already, but I barely cared. It helped me, somehow, the cold and the wet. I felt horrible and the rain was something that people generally hated. They avoided it and you never saw people walking through the rain with a smile on their face or laughing. They always looked as if they were eating a lemon or as if their nose was going to fall off from the cold.

I liked it now. The sounds of it falling heavily on the mud, running over my face and cooling it down. It was relaxing.

I felt lost and alone, as if I was the only person on the world. The rain was also depressing in that way. It made everything seem more gray.

The walk I was taking, was long and I had gotten myself lost on purpose. I didn't want to go back, and this way I couldn't. I refused myself a warm house and a bed to sleep in. I was feeling lost, so why not get lost?

The trees were much different now, taller and thinner and the sun had taken a different angle, which meant I had walked completely in another direction. At first I had tried to walk back home, because I knew a path through this forest that would lead me back home, but I had left that path long time ago.

_"Smoke it, bitch!"_

_"Rosalie, why-"_

_"I said smoke it or I'll burn you with this lighter! Make that white skin get a nice colour."_

_My eyes widened. My mind was screaming at me that she was crazy, but it didn't matter because crazy or not, she wanted me to really smoke the joint. I tried asked her why she was doing this to me and why she wouldn't leave me alone, but each time she cut me off with a remark that was mostly a threat._

_"I'll kick you if you don't smoke."_

_"Smoke it, or I'll really hit you! I'll hit you!"_

_"I swear it, smoke it now or else I will hurt you."_

_At some point I was gasping for air and she pushed the beginning of the joint towards my mouth and my weaker part blew the smoke in my mouth, only to inhale it. I coughed the smoke out violently as the sobbing began and my plea's meant nothing to Rosalie and those others, who were mainly on the background, but still there._

_I wondered if it would help to as them for help. Even though they wanted me hurt as well, they were just standing there, doing nothing, just watching each Rosalie's next move or my next words._

_"Enough..." I coughed. "I ca-can't-"_

_But as she brought the end to my mouth, I knew I had to do it again._

_"Again," she demanded. "Again. Again. Lauren light another one. Again. Again."_

_I was dying and drowning, just like that man said in those lyrics. But I've been here before and I already know the feeling. Just because it's much worse now, doesn't change the feelings. They're still there and it still hurt._

_Somewhere along that line, they had lit another one and most of that smoke had reached my lungs and brain. They were damaging something that seemed impossible for them to even damage it._

_And yet there were doing it, now, again and again._

I could still taste the horrible smoke in my mouth but tried to imagine that the rain was washing it away, along with everything I felt.

I didn't want to feel anymore and I didn't want to live anymore. For a small moment, I wanted to die. But I had been there before already. And I was not going to end my life. Wanting it is not the same like actually murdering yourself. I was not going to do that, no matter how much I wanted the relief of not feeling anymore.

Maybe nobody would ever understand my story. There were many things I could do or could have done in the past. It was still never too late for me to go to a psychiatrist, take medicine, grow confidence, practice sports and something like self defence, like Edward had once suggested - playfully, if I had remembered correctly. I knew it wasn't late, but the motivation to go there and talk to someone about the past was lost. It just made me more depressed.

Small sounds were noticeable, but it wasn't until I heard a loud crack, was when I turned my head around tiredly to look at where the noise had come from. I shook my head as there was nothing. Maybe those joints had ruined my head, for the time being.

"Taking a shower there?"

I stopped walking and turned my head again. Edward was there now, where he had not been seconds ago, as he reached me, but remained some sort of distance.

I thought that I had imagined it. It must have been him making that sound of a piece of branch snapping.

However, what mostly confused me, was why he was standing in the rain in front of me, making small talk, after he had thrown me out of his car.

"Preferring this over warm water?"

Slowly I turned around, not knowing what his intentions were, and I continued a pace I was comfortable in. Edward wasn't bothering me, not now. I liked the moment of not fearing him. It was nice to not feel that anymore, even if it was just a combination of drugs, rain, being lost and being under the illusion of having hallucinations.

"I've hiked these woods many times before. Right now you are walking to more enclosed trees, perhaps even dangerous animals. Where are you walking to?"

I glanced back at the figure. He was blurry.

_See? He isn't real._

Edward Cullen wouldn't follow me in the rain after throwing me out of his car.

This person sounded like someone very calm and too normal.

_It's just an illusion._

"I think you're just walking without realizing the danger you're putting yourself in," he continued. "You should reconsider and walk back."

"I know all about the danger," I mumbled. "I know how she with her lemmings would still hate me and do something like..."

_Forcing me to do exactly what she forced me to do not more then one hour ago._

"And I know the danger of being close to him. After the cigarette, I was sent away by Dad. He hated me because he thought I had smoked. I mean, he had found cigarettes in my bag that he had put there and he probably wanted my Dad to find them and make him angry with me. But Dad only got mad when the school called him and he sent me to Mom. Mom wasn't pleased either, grounded me and took everything from me, as a punishment. It wasn't bad, really. I learned to live with it and read a few books. After I wasn't grounded anymore, I kept reading those books and for the first time, I felt relieved. He couldn't hurt me anymore."

I was talking extremely fast, so rapid that my voice didn't sound like my own anymore.

But I had to throw all those words out, to prevent my head from exploding.

"For ten years I didn't have to go through his physical abuse, but he's always been there, in my head, and in my dreams... Nightmares. He has hurt me almost every single day. I think that's what he wanted. To have me scared. Maybe he has cursed me. It can't be very normal to fear somebody that much. It's strange so that's why I think it's impossible. But something can't be impossible when you've gone and are still going through it. Now after ten years, I'm in more danger then I'll ever be, again. I know all the danger I've put myself in when I wasn't strong enough to tell everybody I wanted to stay in Phoenix. I have put myself in danger today, yesterday and the day before that, but not now. I'm safe now. He isn't here. Nothing can hurt me here like he hurt me."

Everything that had been my thoughts and my mind, was spilled out of my mouth. Nothing had stopped me and my only listening ears had been the trees and my own. Now it was in the open, but only for the trees.

"You consider people like the Cullens as dangerous? And _not_ being alone in the woods, when it's twilight and you've most likely no idea where you are walking to?"

"I do," I replied to the voice that had Edward's face, while I glanced back.

"But you consider them as danger?" the voice asked again.

"Of course," I replied.

"Why?" he asked.

"Anything that hurts is danger. Anything with no feeling is danger. Danger is what you fear."

"You fear them?" that voice continued to carry on with questions.

"Of course I do," I said. "I don't know what they want from me, but hardly ever something that I can give them willingly."

"Do you even know who I am?" the voice asked.

"Edward Cullen," I replied.

_Or something like that._

"Am I now?" the voice asked with amusement.

"Yeah, but you aren't real," I said. "You're in my head. But I don't know why. Maybe that's another curse he has put one me."

"So that's what you do? You fear Edward? You think he has some force of strength over you?"

"Everyday it gets more," I said. "I can study, eat and act like I'm normal and happy, but he's in my head everyday. I know he wants me to suffer. Like he has always."

"He wants to see you suffer? How can you be sure?"

"He told me."

"What did he tell you, sweetness?"

My eyes shifted to the side, never seeing the Edward figure behind me anymore, but now my own head was calling me nicknames.

With reluctance, I replied.

"That he's still my worst nightmare, like he has been for the past twelve years," I said. "He scares me, which is his plan exactly, until he can finally reach his goal."

"So your worst nightmare wants to see you suffer. But what is his goal?"

"You tell me, then we'll both know."

He laughed. The _voice _laughed.

"You've got a beautiful way with words, but right now you're very high and disorientated. How much did they make you smoke?"

I shrugged.

"One, two, more?"

"Maybe around two, but most smoke already came out of the joint and went away and she kicked me and pinched me."

"Where?" the voice asked instantly.

"In the girl's toilets, at Forks High School."

"No," he voice said with an irritable sigh. "Where on your body did they kick and pinch you?"

The voice was demanding me.

I shrugged to myself, still not feeling as if I was in danger.

"Anywhere," I mumbled.

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes. I mean no."

Some places were soar, but I hardly noticed. The rain had its nice cooling effect.

"Has it marked?"

I shrugged and the voice continued, even if I hadn't answered out loud.

"Where exactly?"

_Their feet kicked. Or was it just Rosalie? She apparently liked each time I whimpered or shrieked, because after each sound, the next kick was even harder. It was somewhere on my abdomen, my shoulder, my arms and I think she stood on my wrist._

_"It hurts!" I screamed when I couldn't take it any longer._

_"_'It hurts' _she says," Rosalie said in a laugh, too happily. The others joined the cruel laughter._

_Somewhere after the kicking I had closed my eyes and felt incredible fast, hard, short painful shocks go from somewhere in my arms and shoulder to the rest of my body. Too many hands were pinching, and hurting me, so I knew that this time, it wasn't just Rosalie._

_They had all joined the witch._

"You've drawn blood."

"What?" I asked, coming out of my musings.

"I didn't see it before, but now I do," it said.

I looked at the boy in front of me who was staring somewhere on my chest and under my neck. His finger slowly reached my and I frowned when it was able to touch my sweater and pull the piece of garment down a bit to expose more skin.

And that's when the boy's face showed something that I had never seen on _Edward_'s face before.

Pity. But this wasn't Edward. He was just a image my mind had created.

"But you aren't real," I wondered out loud. How had he been able to touch my clothes?

The back of his hand came near my face and touched my cheek for a second.

I blanched.

Instantly.

And the boy smirked.

"I can touch you. Fact. I'm here. For real. Now tell me, is there more blood under you sweater?"

"What blood?"

He lifted his fingers as I saw a little bit of blood smeared on them.

"What's that?"

Edward brought his hand back down and began walking towards another direction, leading me in a manipulative way.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Home."

"Charlie will be furious," I said. "He'll kill me because Edward must have told him that I've changed the cigarettes for joints now. He's an idiot. A good father should be able to see that something is wrong when you're daughter gets caught twice, while she never ever smokes on the other days. He's just blind and an idiot."

"Do you always talk this much?" Edward groaned as he grabbed my upper arm and forced me to keep up with him.

I couldn't, because his legs were at least twice as tall as mine, and let myself drop, but Edward was fast at tightening his grip and pulling me up until I was standing.

For a moment, he glared, until he bended down and gave the back of my knees a hard push with his hands so that he could lift me up in his arms.

"Ouch," I said, as I felt the throbbing behind my legs get more painful.

"Don't get me wrong, sugar, but all this talking is annoying me and frankly, so are you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying shut up," he said curtly.

"Okay."

I looked around me and saw nothing but trees.

"Where are we?"

Edward sighed.

"I'm sorry," I quickly said. "I won't be annoying anymore."

Edward sighed again.

"We are in the forest," he gritted through his teeth.

"Feels like I'm flying," I said.

"Because you aren't walking, sweet lips," he said.

"What am I doing?"

"Not much," he said with a shrug. "Wearing off that high would be a nice start as a thing to do."

"Okay."

"Stop saying okay. It makes you sounds like a whore."

"Okay."

"I don't know what it is, just you or all girls. It's like you are agreeing with everything. And do one more thing for me."

"What?"

"Don't fear me. Or should I say, don't fear Edward."

"I can't stop the feeling," I said, trying to defend myself.

"Try it. You are strong enough to try."

"It has no use. He hates me. He's my worst nightmare. He told me."

"So there is nothing for you to lose," he said. "Then try. Because what you are telling me is that you've got nothing. So there is nothing for you to lose."

"I still can't try. I'm sorry."

"Then try not to apologize all the time. It makes you sound..."

"Like a whore," I finished in a sigh.

"No," he said with a chuckle. "Young, as if you've done so much wrong, while actually you've just asked the wrong boy to be your friend... long time ago. People may say things, while meaning completely something else."

"People should say what they mean. When you hate someone, you say, I hate you. When you like someone, you say, I like you. It's easy for anyone to understand."

"Sometimes that is a little bit difficult."

"Try it. What have you got to lose?"

The voice with strong arms chuckled.

"Reputation, darling."

"You care what others think of you?" I asked.

"Don't you then, huh?"

"They already think stuff about me."

"Hmm," the voice said. "I understand."

"I'm cold."

"Because you've stopped walking and now you're just being carried. We're almost at my car. It's warm in there. You'll warm up soon."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna kill you someday," Edward groaned.

"I know," I said with a sigh. "Because you hate me."

"No, sugar. Don't take all of that shit I tell you so damn serious."

He placed me down on my feet and opened a car door and pushed me in until I sat in the front seat. The door closed and I wanted to bang my head on the dashboard.

"Are you still feeling well?" Edward asked when he stepped inside the car.

_What's this? Edward?_

"I don't understand anymore. What's happening?"

"Would you like me to make you understand in the backseat of my car?" Edward asked, starting the car.

I looked at him, really looked at his face, as I realized that he wasn't a hallucination and that I had told him too much.

My eyes widened as I put both hands on my head.

"No," I gasped. "No, no." I was shaking me head furiously as Edward smiled.

It wasn't that usual smirk or grin.

"Do you prefer a bed? You don't have to lie down, I could hold you. You're not heavy."

I grabbed the doorhandle to open the door and step out of his car, but froze when Edward's hand got on my chest, pushing me back on the seat.

"No," Edward said. "Stop getting out of my car."

"I can't..." I mumbled. I drew in a breath. "What do you want from me?"

I was desperate for the answer of that question. I had hunger and thirst for that question.

_I wouldn't mind dying to get the answer to that question._

Quickly, the car was driving and Edward often glanced back at me. In return, I looked outside and tried to make sure he wasn't going to hit any people.

"Not much," he eventually said.

For the rest of the drive, we didn't talk. And what the hell was happening? The rain had been replaced by snow and Edward slowed down, until he stopped the car entirely. I didn't ask him what he was doing, but after just sitting there for a great amount of minutes, I turned to him, only to see that he was still gripping the steering wheel and looking outside. When I did so again, I realized that the ground had gained a little thickness from the snow.

I had no idea when it was safe to drive through snow and when it was not, but I couldn't understand why Edward would care about safety.

"This is exactly what I wanted," he said, his loud voice suddenly interrupting the silence. "A talk with you. Tell me, lovely. What is going on in you head right now?"

_What is it with those nicknames? And I still wonder why he was calling me Coco at some times._

I shifted my eyes to avoid his, until I realized he was still waiting for my verbal answer.

I shrugged.

"What are you feeling?"

My mouth opened, but no words came out. I didn't know what I had to tell him. I didn't know what he wanted to hear.

"How would you describe myself when you are talking about me with your friends?"

_Rude. Harsh. Sadist. Sick._

I shook my head as I wanted nothing more then run away from this car.

"Previously, not even minutes ago, you were _talking_. Why the damn won't you talk to me now?"

He wanted me to talk back to him. Now I knew. But I knew that he wouldn't like my words back to him. And I couldn't lie. He could see that. He was very smart in that way. I was shaking my head to get rid of the mess in my head and trying to imagine I was somewhere else.

That was until Edward grabbed my shoulders and turned me, so that we were face to face.

"Do I seriously scare you that much?" he finally snapped, showing me that he was indeed Edward, and not, just maybe with a little hope, a hallucination.

And I was done.

Finally I was done.

I couldn't hide my fear anymore.

Neither did I try.

Everything was displayed in front of him.

It was on my face, my body language and I guess my eyes.

My eyes, that couldn't leave his.

His eyes, that refused to leave mine.

~#~

As I asked her my final question, something changed. The girl changed, and it was in a way I could never imagine.

She had been scared often before, as had she pleaded for us to stop hurting her and always picking on her.

Only there was a problem now. There was no need for her to answer.

The change had been a visible change.

Her body had begun a shiver, that ended in a constant shaking. Her chest was moving quickly, soft gasps escaping her mouth. Her face no longer showed a little fear. It was written all over it. Her mouth was slightly open, for the air to come in, and her lips were trembling.

_Fear._

All of those visible changes were nearly nothing compared to the change I saw in her eyes.

The little fire was gone, and that's when I knew she didn't want to fight against me anymore.

Never did she fight to fight back, but just fight with herself to accept all the shit getting thrown in her direction.

Her eyes were dead.

_They just died._

Or for the first time, showed me that they had been dead all along. All of the rest had been a fake.

Fake smile, fake laugh.

Slowly, I released her shoulders, just to get back some of that light back in those eyes. I pulled back away from her to give her some room and breathing space.

Her eyes kept staring at me with so much fear, that it almost maddened me. But I stopped myself from snapping at _her_. This wasn't her fault. She was scared, but it still wasn't her fault. There were many people I could snap to, but not her.

I knew I was already too late.

The light in here eyes was permanently gone.

You can't fix a broken mirror. It's easy to put the biggest parts on each other, but to try and find which tiny bit fits another, is an impossible task.

Nobody can do that.

It was too late for her to be saved.

She was a dead girl with a beating heart.

~#~

Edward leaned over towards me and I almost didn't care, but still did I feel anguished at what would be his next action.

He opened the small hatch above my knees and the light in it automatically went on. As my eyes were fixated on the contents of the inside of the hole, I could instantly see the one and only object hidden inside his car.

His secret, perhaps, but now it was visible for us both to see.

Edward placed his hand on exactly the right spot on the gun, with his finger not quite yet on the trigger and his thumb put the safety catch off.

"Would you like it all to end?" Edward asked, his voice amazingly soft and kind.

He watched me from the distance of his chair, the gun still in his hand, the dangerous end pointing towards the front window.

_He'll kill me. He's going to end it._

"Would you like the misery to come to an end?"

If I was going to die, I was going to talk, because I wanted my dying words give him some explanation.

"Shoot."

Edward smiled, his eyes downcast on the gun.

I could only imagine how badly he wanted to kill me.

"I will, sweetness, I'll end it for you," he said with a chuckle.

He thought it was funny.

He raised his eyes back to me and I took a breath to prepare myself.

"Okay," I said with a shaky voice. "Kill me."

Edward's lips twitched and he looked at the gun briefly. Then he raised the gun to my head as he quirked an eyebrow.

"Now?" he asked.

I nodded my head, while pressing my lips hard on each other to prevent me from screaming.

_Would it hurt?_

He brought the gun closer until the cold end was pressing my temple, causing my head to steer a little.

"Now?" he asked again.

"Yeah," I said, my voice still trembling.

"Close your eyes and don't look," he said to me. "I don't want you to see this."

I closed my eyes the moment he told me and felt the pressure leave my temple.

"I was not talking about you," Edward said.

It was deadly silent in the car.

Just for a moment.

~#~

The idea occurred to me in a flash.

I leaned forward.

Just one.

One that would be the first and last that would actually mean something.

_But even in death, I couldn't let her see the truth._

So I forced her. Forced her to see another lie.

I put my arm around her head, and pulled her head forwards, with her head being in the crook of my elbow.

There was no way she could escape this and just before I felt it, a small shriek echoed in the car, but died as soon as I kissed her.

It was hard against soft.

Indestructible against fragile.

Hell against heaven.

Bella against me.

Moving against her was sin.

The guilt I felt was overpowering and made me focus more on my next task.

_Pull the trigger._

I let my strength on holding her head in a forced manner against me slip, and she was frozen, quite literally.

I stared at her, as she still had her eyes closed.

"Well done," I said.

For if she could survive me, she could survive anything.

I closed my own eyes as well, as I pulled the trigger and let it all end for her.

It was the worst sound I had ever heard, hearing her scream in horror.

I would have to carry that guilt into eternity.

~#~


	12. Boom, boom

**A/N: **Sorry for errors, chapter has been written fast. Sorry for the late update. School and social life, you know..

Hope you guys can enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Boom, boom**

I heard the shot of the gun, and it deafened me momentarily while also my whole body jerked by the sound of it. I pushed my back against the door and opened my eyes as I saw blood on the chair. I screamed and brought my eyes back to Edward. His were tightly closed and he was in agonizing pain. The thought made me dizzy. I wasn't somebody that enjoyed watching somebody in pain.

I couldn't stand the sight of that.

"What did you do?" I screeched, leaning towards him.

His chest was bleeding heavily and I got out of the car and ran towards his side of the car, opened his door and saw that his face was still looking as if he was in agonizing pain.

I was about to pull him out of the car, when his head turned to me.

"What are you up to?" he gasped out.

"You have to get out, to get you to the hospital, if I drive fast, it'll only take ten minutes or so," I said quickly, trying again to get closer to him.

It was in fact a drive that would that at least twenty minutes, but _if _I drove really fast, I would make it.

I could make it.

If I drove fast.

I had to drive fast.

So he would make it.

He had to make it.

Because he could.

Make it.

_Shit._

"You can't fight a snowstorm, princess," he said, his voice slow.

For a moment, there was eye contact between the two of us and my breath got stuck in my throat.

"Get in the car, before your hair gets all wet," he said, but surely I had misheard the sarcasm? Had I not?

"You'll _die_," I pointed out. We had to do something.

"And you'll rejoice," he said.

"No, I won't!" I replied angrily. I threw the door back and walked slowly around the car. When I reached the door and opened it, I saw that Edward had put his head on the seat and had closed his eyes.

One of his hands was on top of the wound. I wasn't quite sure if the bleeding had stopped yet, but all I knew was that Edward was in pain.

But I didn't have anything on me, not even an aspirin.

Edward turned his head and opened his eyes, slowly.

"Don't you want me like this?" he asked, his voice raspy, tired and sad. "Don't you want me dead?"

My eyes widened at his questions. How could he even possible think that I wanted him, or anyone else for that matter, dead? I wasn't a sadist.

"Of course not!" I replied incredulously.

Edward scowled.

"Thought didn't even cross your mind, then?" he asked further.

"No! Damn it, no! When have I given you the impression that I would want you dead?"

I was breathing hard, both by fear and frustration.

And Edward... Edward was just staring at me.

"Oh," he mumbled.

"_What_?" I all but snapped.

Edward grinned slightly as he turned back to look at me.

"I must have misread the signs then," he said. shrugging, but then instantly wincing.

"Oh, man, this is bad," I said hastily. "This is really bad."

Outside was absolutely nothing. All I could see was the fast falling of snow, which blinded my eyes in a worse manner that darkness itself did.

I grabbed my phone, but it had no reception.

"Shit, shit, shit," I mumbled.

We both remained silent for how long, I did not know. I never dared looking at him, but out of the corner of my eyes, I could see him moving.

Suddenly I thought about my name, which he now knew.

_Childish._

Still, a fact I just thought about.

_He knows I'm Bella Swan._

I looked at him, just for a second, with curiosity, but just when I saw the intense stare he was giving me, I looked away before I could even check the wound.

For a moment, I kept my eyes downcast, when suddenly I was blinded by a bright, blinding light. Both Edward and I kept our eyes away from the dangerous lightning, but my eyes lit up when I saw what it was, and I was feeling hope again.

"Black," Edward hissed.

Jacob stopped the black beast of a motor cycle right in front of Edward's car and stepped off, walking toward me while taking off the helmet.

I opened the door as he reached.

"Caught in a snowstorm?" Jacob asked jokingly as he watched me. His eyes went to Edward and to the state he was in. "What the hell? We know your autistic and ODD, but are you seriously depressed as well?"

Behind me, where Edward was sitting, I heard the terrible sound of a clicking.

_No._

This is not what I think it is. It's not.

"Are you fucking lost?" Jacob hissed. "Put that away!"

I turned my head in fear, as I saw my fear was confirmed when I noticed Edward holding the gun in his hand, while pointing it to Jacob.

"Goodbye," Edward said, his voice surprisingly calm.

"No!" I yelled, moving my body so that the gun was no longer pointing to Jacob... but me.

"Move, princess," Edward said, his eyes on the boy behind me.

"Bella, watch out," Jacob said. "Slowly move out of his way and step out of the car."

However, I was frozen to whatever I had to do to keep me safe.

I was only able to shake my head, as Edward's eyes slowly met mine.

"I remember," Edward said. "Alright then. See you in hell."

And Edward pulled the trigger as my eyes closed automatically and Jacob behind me screamed.

But there was no sound from the gun, except a soft clicking I did not get.

With a heart nearly beating out of my chest, I opened my eyes to see Edward staring at me in a patronizing way.

"Works better with this in it," he said, raising his other hand slowly from his chest and showing me a few bullets, while the fell out of the palm of his hand.

My eyes welled up, as I realized he was seriously playing me in a very cruel manner.

"What, you thought I was already going to shoot you," Edward said, steering his head as if he wasn't quite getting it. "I was merely granting your wish, princess."

And the tears slipped from beside my eyes, because I could no longer take his cruel words.

"You sick fuck!" Jacob said. "Fucking nazi!"

I was pulled out of the car and the door was closed shut by Jacob. I turned around slowly as I noticed how wet Jacob had become from the snow.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, running his fingers over my cheek. "I'll take you home, come on."

But as soon as he pulled me, I told him to stop.

"Edward, he's shot," I said. "You've got to get help, you've got to bring a doctor."

Jacob stared at me incredulously.

"He's sick, Bella, _sick_! I'll call somebody once we get back and get you somewhere warm. Did he hurt you again?"

"What?" I asked disorientatedly as I looked back, just as Jacob was pulling me.

"He hit you, you told me this morning, you're cheek is still bruising from the blow, so I'm asking you, did he hurt you again?"

"No, nothing like that," I quickly said. "Please, please get him help. He's in pain. There's a bullet in his chest."

Jacob sighed deeply as he rubbed his eyes.

"Come on, please Jacob. He really needs help now, no matter how crazy he is."

I quickly glanced at Edward in fear, for he might have heard me. His eyes were closed though.

"Alright, fine! You get back in the car, and I'll be as fast as I can."

"Okay, thank you!" I said greatfully. "Thank you, Jacob."

He hopped on the motorcycle and was off in just matters of seconds.

I got back in the car and was met with Edward's gaze.

"Came back for me?" he said.

"Jacob's getting help," I murmured, not daring to look at him after what he had done. "A doctor should be here soon."

"So this is what happened," Edward began.

~#~

"She is fucking crazy!" Tanya screeched. "She _shot _him! With her _father's _handgun! And then left him in the car afterwards, while she went back to her home! Then there was a snowstorm and he couldn't drive back to a hospital for hours! He's lucky she can't aim, because it hadn't hit his heart! She belongs in a jail, and instead she's coming to school today!"

All the girls around Tanya gaped at her as she nodded her head. I remained in the background, where they couldn't see me. They had already noticed my truck, but I had long ago gotten out. Now I was on a long distance away from them and they slowly reached the school building as I slowly followed.

"I heard the gun was hers, not her father's," Jessica said.

"Ugh, Jessica, who would know better? Edward told me what happened."

I should have known about Edward being a liar, but not this. I had not expected this. He had told me that he would tell everyone that he had indeed shot himself. Now, I heard the complete opposite had happened. He had lied about that day to his friends.

It hurt.

The lies, the rumors, and all the abuse. He was making me black, all of them were.

It hurt me too much.

The weekend had passed and I had been lying in my bed for hours, not doing one thing. Again, it was a Monday.

And now, I had to come to this shithole.

I was so, so tired.

Charlie had tried asking me about it - the accident - but I hadn't been able to utter out a word.

And since I hadn't been able to do that, he told me to get my ass to school. He probably thought I knew something about it. And even thought I did, I was not able to tell him what I knew.

So with reluctance and bowed head, I sat on each chair, while looking nobody in the eyes and ignoring all the calls, aimed for me.

I was done.

~#~

This girl, she was perfect, yet absolutely strange and crazy.

There I think I had done the act she was too afraid to perform herself, but the moment it's done, she does anything in her will to prevent it from happening.

"You shot yourself," she mumbled after I told her she could tell everyone that I had shot myself. That I wouldn't mind.

"You though I was going to shoot you," I threw back at her.

"That's what you were supposed to do!" she said frantically.

"You're fucking crazy!" I told her.

"Then why didn't you shoot me?" she screamed desperately.

"Because I'm not a murder!"

She drew in a breath as I realized she was losing her temper, yet not quite.

" Also, I'm _not _autistic and I'm _not _ODD," I told her.

She nodded her head.

"Got it?" I snapped.

However, she didn't move.

As if she didn't care any longer.

I hadn't meant to scare her the way I did when I had pulled the trigger, when there were no bullets in the gun.

But I guess the pills I had taken a few hours ago had worn out their effects.

And I had been back being _me_ again.

I was that guy who needed pills to be able to act like a human.

Did she not see that I needed to be shot to dead?


	13. Different

**Disclaimer: **Characters not mine.

**A/N: **Hello! Merry Christmas (in case I don't update before the 25th)!

I sort of need a BETA. Let me know if you are interested.

* * *

**Different**

I walked toward the lunch room. It was eerily quiet.

Angela hadn't been in English class today. I wanted to know so badly where she was. Not because she was my friend or anything, but just seeing one friendly face, would keep me sane for even just a little bit.

Alice had not been in class at art either. I had expected her to be there, for some reason. She was Alice. She didn't seem like the type that would want to miss a class.

Then, I had had Trig, and mostly I had dropped my head to avoid anybody looking.

And now, I was dreading lunch. My first plan had been to sit in the loo, just sit there.

However, I didn't want to hide. I didn't want to seem vulnerable and hurt to anybody.

I was so tired of making the victim of myself.

Okay, I was not liked by many people here at school, but this... I would try and pull myself through it.

If I gave up... If I gave up _now_, I would give those _whores _and _that asshole_ their way. That is what they wanted from me. And I would rather die then see them smiling victoriously on behalf of me.

They already thought I was crazy, so how worse could thing even get?

"Bella," a voice whispered in my ear.

I stopped walking.

"Bella," he said again. He put his hand firmly on my upper arm and led me to a boys toilet.

When we got in, he let go of me and walked toward the end of the small room. I pressed my back against the door.

He sighed deeply.

"Okay... _Bella_..."

He remained quiet for too long.

"What do you want from me?" I asked him quietly. It was the same question I had asked him ten years ago.

Emmett's eyes softened in a way as I asked him this. He knew all too well about my question and that I was only repeating it. He still remembered what he had done to me that day. I would have thought he had forgotten about it. It had only been one of his many other bullying days.

"I just want to know what you want from me," I continued when he remained quiet.

"Nothing!" Emmett replied quickly. "I don't want anything from you. I just... I just wanted to..."

I scowled as Emmett was struggling for words. This was not Emmett.

This was not the bullying pest from one decade ago.

"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice high.

He raised his eyes to mine and we looked at each other for a while. He didn't step any closer to me. He remained at the farthest corner away from me.

"I need you to know," Emmett began confidently, "that..."

I dropped my eyes as I saw sorrow in Emmett's eyes. It could not be.

"Bella, nine years ago, I made you smoke. I kicked you in your ribs and you fell on the ground, hitting your head on the pavement and ripping your skin open. And... And... I forced you to-"

"Stop," I mumbled. "Just stop."

I didn't want to hear it. I had it engraved in my memory already.

It had been ten years ago. I was seven.

_I was seven, goddammit!_

Nonetheless, age did not matter to bullies.

_"Come over here, Bella," Emmett said from a distance._

_It was the lunch break and Emmett was calling _me_._

_"Why?" I asked him._

_"I need to tell you something."_

_Curiously, I walked to him and looked up. He was taller than I was._

_"It's a new moon today."_

_"So it's gonna be dark tonight," I said._

_"Yes," he said with a sick smile. "How would it be to walk from school to your home in a new moon, I wonder?"_

_"W-What?" I stuttered. "What do you mean?"_

_"Stay here, hidden, somewhere and then, when it's dark, walk home."_

_"What? No!"_

_"Yes!" he said._

_"I won't."_

_I pressed my lips on each other, to receive whatever next blow he would give me._

_"You know what? We are not having this discussion. _I _will make sure of it that you won't be able to go home until it's dark._

_I turned and ran away from him, fast, and behind me, I heard him laugh._

_As school ended, I hadn't been pestered by any one of them._

_Until... I was walking past a few bushes and somebody grabbed my upper arm. He was grabbing me so hard, that I already felt the bruises come and the blood flow was cut by his fingers._

_"Hello, again, _Bella_," Emmett said._

_"Please, let me go," I pleaded, pulling away from him._

_"Let you go?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "There is no fun in that."_

_"What do you want from me?" I asked._

_"You're just this annoying nag I would love to see vanish. But hey, I like this as well."_

_"What?" I asked. "What do you like?"_

_"This."_

_He raised his fist and punched me in my face real hard._

_He hit me knock out._

_"W-What?" I mumbled. I was freezing, my head was aching, and it was pitch black. I jumped as I felt something move around my neck._

_I realized I was outside, I had been lying on the ground that was covered with ants and who knew what else!_

_"Oh, no," I said to no one. "No. Oh dear God."_

_I started walking to what seemed like the path that would lead me home._

_I rubbed my hands on my arms for warmth. However, the drizzle had made me soaking wet over the past hours and the cold wind went straight through my clothes._

_The cold was too much too handle. I had been walking for only five minutes and fell on the hard pavement, as all went black._

"I will," Emmett said. He sounded angry and I flinched away from him. He hadn't moved closer to me at all.

But I was still trying to move away from him.

"Ten years ago I hit you in a coma!"

Emmett was breathing hard now. He walked to the faucet, turned it on and threw water in his face. His body was almost in a state of shaking and I stared.

Except for the running water, it was completely silent.

"Err... Emmett... Ten year ago, I was hit... by err... a kid... and err... I woke up when it was dark and began walking home..."

Emmett snapped his head up, looking at me with big eyes.

"What?" he asked. "What?" His eyes bulged even more.

"Well, then I was really cold and I fell. Next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital. You never hit me in a _coma."_

Emmett closed the faucet.

"You woke up, you say? In the bushes?"

I nodded my head.

His eyes hardened as he asked the next question. "Where I left you?"

I nodded again reluctantly.

"So instead of being knocked by me and wake up in a hospital, you first actually woke up, walked a little, were cold, and then went knock out again?"

I nodded.

"It would have been so better if I had just hit you straight in that coma."

My eyes widened.

"What?"

"Just so you didn't need to suffer for those few more hours when you were walking home."

"Oh..." I mumbled. "Well, it were just minutes. Not hours."

Now it was Emmett who nodded.

"Still," Emmett said. He was angry, I could see it in his eyes.

Emmett suddenly walked straight toward me, but he grabbed the door handle and walked out. The door closed automatically behind him.

I was in the middle of taking a deep breath, as the door opened again.

"I just came to say that I'm sorry," Emmett said slowly, looking me in the eye.

I stammered incomprehensible words and eventually just continued watching Emmett.

"And you may hate me, I really don't blame you, Bella."

I looked confusedly as he used my name. It sounded different this time.

"But will you allow me to... at least for a little bit... to try and make you hate me just a little less?"

My mound dropped and Emmett smiled, but only for a second.

"I'll buy you lunch," he said. "Do you want lunch? I promise nobody will bother you."

"I-I... don't know... There's Rosalie and Edward..."

Emmett scratched his head.

"They're really not so bad, once-"

"-I know them?" I asked.

Emmett sighed.

"Look, it's okay," I said. "It's forgotten and forgiven."

I grabbed the door handle and yanked it down. But Emmett put his hand on my upper arm, stopping me. I stopped and swallowed.

"Don't do that, Bella," Emmett said.

"What?" I asked.

"Lie to me," he replied. "I'm buying you lunch."

"There's really no point."

He was already pushing the door open and together we walked to the lunch room. I once looked at Emmett with confusion but he never looked once at me.

"I'm wondering why you're here," Emmett said when we were in line.

"My dad said I couldn't stay home," I replied solemnly.

"No," Emmett said. "I meant back here in Forks."

"How's Edward?"

Emmett grinned.

"You don't have to answer my questions, Bella," he said. "Edward? He's fine. A bullet is not enough to kill him. Crazy fucker."

I looked at him in shock.

"Edward told me everything," he further explained. "How you two got in a snowstorm, he took out a gun and-"

"Yeah, I shot him," I said in a dead voice.

Emmett dropped the empty tray. I quickly bent down and grabbed it. As I stood up again, I gave it to him, but he didn't take it.

"He shot himself," Emmett said, watching me carefully.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..." I mumbled, looking away from him. The tray left me hand and Emmett nearly put everything on the tray.

"Edward told me that he shot himself, Bella, and that's what he told the principal. I quote him right now. 'I am a fucking ODD that needs pills to act human'." Emmett raised an eyebrow at me.

"He said that?"

"Yep. Tanya spread the lie. But I spoke to her before I stopped you. And believe me she won't be a trouble anymore."

"Oh."

"So what I don't understand, is how you and Edward got together in a car, anyway? Did he drag you in?" Emmett was quipping but I blushed.

"What's ODD?"

"Edward."

I smiled slightly. "No, what does it mean."

"It's a development disability. Well, actually a mental illness."

We goth grew quiet as Emmett walked to a very large table and put the tray down. We both sat and I grabbed a pizza and bit in it. I ate when I was nervous. However, Emmett wasn't the one to just look at the food. He was digging in as well.

Until he suddenly continued.

"Very easily annoyed. It's one of the symptoms that fits Edward like a glove. Sometimes there's not even a reason to come up with his sudden annoyance."

Emmett took another bite.

"Edward told me on Friday that he does not have ODD."

"His medicine must have worn out."

"Medicine?"

"He has to take those, or else he does shit like... yeah, what you say on Friday."

I looked at the table and played with a can of soda.

"He goes to therapy four times a week," Emmett said. "Okay, that's not completely true. He out to go four times, but he skips most of those hours. And... he's also CD."

"I really don't know what your talking about."

"We don't see it often these days anymore, the symptoms of CD Edward used to have, because Edward _has _changed. But when somebody has CD - a conduct disorder, then he uses violence. Sometimes even sexual abuse. Edward's gift is that girls don't say no to him. So that kind of abuse is out of the picture."

"I said no," I blurted out.

Emmett blanched. "When?"

"Just... I don't know. I think Tuesday. Wednesday?"

"What did he do?" Emmett asked instantly. "What did he do to you, Bella?"

"Nothing."

"Bella, just say it. Don't be like this."

"He just... with his hands." I shook my head and stopped talking. "It doesn't matter."

"Where the hell did he do that?" Emmett snapped.

For some reason, I was less afraid of Emmett now... But I didn't want to consider him my friend or anything.

"Biology class," I mumbled.

"That fucking scum," Emmett said. "Bella." I looked up. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head.

"Fine," I said.

Emmett went in his bag and pulled out a piece of paper. He wrote something down and gave it to me. A phone number.

"It's a psychiatrist. The best one you'll find. Please humor me and give them people a ring."

I looked at the paper with wide eyes.

"He has ADHD," Emmett said.

"Also?" I asked, as he suddenly continued about Edward.

"He's a man with many flaws," Emmett said with a shrug.

"So it seems."

"He takes Ritalin, sometimes Risperdal, sometimes Strattera. He doesn't like Dixarit, because it forces him to abandon his car. He gets too dizzy so it's not safe to drive while taking those pills. And he's depressed."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Edward will be pissed if he knows you're telling me all this."

"I _told _Edward last night that I was going to tell you all this."

"How did he respond?"

"He threw a lamp at me. Then at night, he tried to choke me to death."

My eyes widened and then a soft giggle burst out of my throat as he said that. I stopped at his serious expression.

I had just pictured that image in front of me... Really, it was impossible.

But Emmett showed me his throat.

"Oh my God," I said. "It's red and blue."

"Yeah, he was pissed alright. He has never minded people knowing about his illness. He actually uses this excuse to teachers whenever he's late or some shit. But he's never reacted so badly when I said I was going to tell you. It's like he's ashamed."

He watched me with a strange expression. I knew why Edward didn't tell me. Because it was his weakness and you don't tell your enemies about your weaknesses.

"So did the lamp survive?"

"I never liked that lamp, anyway," he said, shaking his head.

I laughed a little and he joined.

"So... Bella."

"Yeah?" I asked nervously.

"If somebody decides to fuck you, call me." He wrote it down on another piece of paper and gave it to me. "You will, right?"

"Sure," I said, avoiding eye contact.

"Thanks."

He stood up at took the tray.

"I gotta go to class. Oh, and Edward will be here for Biology."

"Okay," I said. I turned in my chair as his words sunk and snapped, "What?"

"He said he wanted to be there, I don't know," Emmett said. "He's still a douche, but he isn't who he used to be. See ya."

_No. He's much worse._

I went to Biology, and froze as I saw at least ten girls surrounding a certain boy.

"Alright, enough of this," Mr. Banner said. "Anybody who is not in this class, leave now."

All the girls whined and I saw Tanya, Jessica and Lauren among those girls. As all girls left one at a time, they all glared at me.

_"Shooter."_

_"Bitch."_

_"He's mine."_

_"He'll never be yours."_

_"Go shoot yourself, not Edward."_

_"Go back where you came from."_

_"Nobody wants you here anyway."_

_"It's not like anybody here wants you to be around."_

And last three queen bitches remained. I stood there frozen, until Mr. Banner groaned in frustration at the three girls. He noticed me and smiled.

"Good afternoon, Miss Swan! Take your seat."

I nodded, but remained standing there.

"It's her!" Tanya said.

"That bitch," Rosalie screeched.

"Shooter," Jessica whined.

I was staring at them, until I looked at Edward. He, however, was just looking outside of the window, ignoring everybody.

"Eddie," Tanya said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Eddie!" She shook him hard and he winced.

_Eddie?_

"That hurt, Tanya," he said, pushing her hand away.

"Eddie, I can take her," she said. "I can beat her. I know that's what you want. You want me to beat her black. You said so yourself."

"Miss Denali! Principal office! Now!"

Tanya pouted and left with a sad face. When her back was against the teacher and Edward, she glared at me. I shrank away from her.

"Come along, Jessica," Rosalie said, walking behind Tanya. When she walked beside me, she whispered, "You'll get it, bitch. Just wait and see."

I quickly threw my bag on the table and sat down. I pulled out my books, as did Edward. Then I pulled out a pen and put it loudly on the table.

Not two seconds later, Edward did the saw. I put the bag on the ground softly and when I looked aside, I saw Edward bend as well to put his bag on the ground.

I slumped in my chair and looked at the teacher. He was quick with explaining the new chapter, introducing us to new words. I pushed myself up and took my pen to take some notes. Suddenly, Edward sat up straight and took his pen as well. He was taking notes.

Mr. Banner said he had found a good documentary on YouTube that lasted fifteen minutes.

I slumped in my chair again and sighed, preparing myself for the fifteen minutes of boredom.

Edward did the same thing - slump in his chair and sigh. I turned my head to see a small smile on his face, his eyes fixed on the television.

I scratched my nose as I felt an itch.

Edward scratched his nose as well.

I scowled as I put both my hands on table.

When Edward mimicked me, I turned to him with a gape.

"Are you mocking me?" I asked.

Edward smirked.

He replied, as his eyes remained on the television.

"Nope."

I huffed and Edward did too.

"But you _are _mimicking me."

Edward turned his head to me for the first time. That's when I saw he didn't look too well. He was a little white in the face and his eyes seemed tired, even though they were still full of mirth. His clothes were baggy, wearing black sweats and that same _Bullet for My Valentine _hoody he had worn Monday.

"Maybe."

I rolled my eyes.

"You seem changed," Edward commented, his eyes running up and down my body.

"So do you."

"You're less scared."

"You're less scarier."

"Am I scary?"

I pressed my lips on each other.

"Moi?" he asked in shock.

"What did you take this morning?" I asked, but instantly kicked myself mentally as I realized what I had just said.

_What pill did you take? _Why did I asked that to a guy who took pills on a daily basis.

"Sorry," I mumbled, growing hot in the face, neck en chest.

To my full surprise, Edward was not angry. He did not seem like that boy who had thrown a lamp at Emmett and later tried to choke him to death.

Edward cleared his throat and I sneaked a glance at him.

"Risperdal," he said. He looked at me, with a blank face. He leaned forward and placed his lips deliberately close to my ear. "It makes me feel less depressed. But don't tell anyone. It's a secret. Can you keep another secret?"

I leaned away and turned my head, as he slowly withdrew. He smiled.

_Wow._

"You were right Friday. You were right about people who should just say what they mean."

He winked and slumped back in his seat.

"Okay," I murmured.

"Okay," Edward repeated.

Today when I got home, Edward had not touched me, scared me or even forced me to do something.

But it were just the pills that made him like this - or he was acting like this because he wanted something from me. And I was less scared, because in a way, I think Emmett had my back.

I put the alarm on my phone and realized I had received a text around thirty minutes ago.

_22:15 pm  
Sweet dreams, Bella :) E_

I scowled as I didn't remember giving Emmett my number.

But I shrugged it off.

If I wanted to be nice and not seem rude, so I text him back.

_22:48 pm  
__You too, Emmett. B_

I put my phone back on the night stand, but heard it ring right after I put it down.

I opened the message.

_22:49 pm  
__Call me Edward ;)_

It had to be a joke. It was Emmett... Right?

I ran to my bag and found the number he had written down. The numbers did not match.

The number that had sent me a message did not match Emmett's phone number.

I managed very well not to scream out loud, and I threw the phone away from me so hard, if landed with a loud thud on the wall.

I jumped back in bed and pulled the covers over my head and breathed heavily.

_How the hell did he get my number?_

_Why is he texting me?_

_Why is he _bothering _me?_

_Damn it, why!_

I don't know how I it had been, but I heard my phone ring once again.

I got out of bed and went to the phone.

There was another message...

_23:57 pm  
__She doesn't have anything to say anymore?_

I gaped at my mobile.

What. Did. He. Want. From. Me.

Just what?

It took me nearly a decade to come up with a message to send back to him. I didn't want him to think I was snobbish. There was a ticking somewhere outside. _Birds._

_00:28 am  
__She doesn't know what to say._

I hit sent and didn't have to wait for long.

_00:29 am  
__She doesn't wonder how I got her number?_

I sighed and hit the mobile on my head several times. As I heard a tick from outside, I hit the mobile on my head in rhythm.

What to do, what to do?

_00:45 am  
__Thought did cross my mind..._

I hit send. I had never texted with a guy like this before. But he was more like a stalker.

_00:47 am  
__Your dad gave me after I asked him. Saturday. When he visited me at the hospital._

My eyes bulged out. I nearly stopped hearing the ticking.

_00:50 am  
__He visited, gave my number? o.O_

Send.

_00:51 am  
__Hahaha I can see your face in that smiley. Very cute, Bella._

Oh...

I still didn't get it.

_Annoying ticking! Stupid birds!_

_01:01 am  
But why are you texting me?_

_01:02 am  
Because I can._

I sighed. And cursed to birds that were outside awake.

_01:08 am  
Ok. G'night._

_01:09 am  
Aren't you going to get that? ;)_

I scowled this time. I heard two more tickings.

_01:13  
__Get what?_

_01:14  
__I am throwing the pebbles on the right window, right?_

No.

No.

No.

Not. Happening.

My hands were quivering.

_01:25  
__What?_

_01:26  
__May I come in, Bella? Promise I'll be good ;)_

* * *

**A/N: **Do we let him in, girls? What is he doing there? In case you missed it in the first AN: I need a beta.

Leave a review :) Edward may come and throw pebbles on your window.


	14. Sick

_**Disclaimer: **_Not my characters

**A/N: **Dear readers. I've decided I can't let a story so unfinished stay unfinished. I changed the title and I'll finish this story anyway for the ones who were actually loving this story. Mistreated (the other version) is a lot more different then this version of Mistreated. BTW I have to admit that this story is weird, but luckily, I'm placing it on Fanfiction and apparently, weird is the middle name of Fanfiction.

* * *

**Sick**

_01:26  
May I come in, Bella? Promise I'll be good ;)_

No way. Not really.

I couldn't let him in. It wasn't even realistic, a guy, who shot himself with a bullet, who shot me as well, with an empty gun, and a guy who stood at half past 1 in front of my house throwing rocks on my window.

_01:28  
Could you decide quickly? It's cold down here._

No, I could hardly move as I stared at the words on my mobile. And they the messages continued coming.

_01:32  
Please?_

_01:33  
I know you hate me, but I need to talk to you._

That unfroze me, a little. I picked up my phone and stared at the first part of his message in confusion. I had never given him any reason for him to think I hated him.

So I typed a reply.

_01:35  
I don't hate you._

When I hit sent, I got another message that he must have sent at the same time as I did.

_01:35  
I'm shivering and feeling feverish. Pretty please, let me in? I could die you know._

I wasn't sure how much damage he still carried on his shoulder where he had shot himself, but standing in the rain outside didn't seem like a very safe way to regain your health.

_01:38  
I've decided. But you can't use the front door.._

_01:38  
Open your window for me ;)_

Shit, he was fast with answering.

_01:39  
My window?_

I was already staring in that direction and after a while he really did appear there. When he saw me, he grinned, but I gasped a little when I noticed how wet he really was and thought back about the amount of time he had been standing like that in the cold.

_Too long._

And I did the only thing that seemed sensible to do right now.

I opened the window and Edward put one hand on the pane and slowly his foot reached the window. Then his other. He had to bend down to fit in completely, but eventually he did and entered my room gracefully. He pushed the window down and it closed.

_Edward Cullen is in my room._

"Fuck, it's cold," he mumbled.

_Why is Edward Cullen in my room?_

His face had gone pale white and he was indeed shivering. What did I do? He lifted his arm and then flinched.

"Fuck," he hissed. He glanced around my room and walked to my desk, picked up my pair of scissors and began cutting his shirt. _My _scissors, he was using mine, without asking.

Although, it didn't really matter, because _that's_ what he was wearing. One shirt and jeans. But the shirt was now cut to shreds and he pulled it off more easily and threw it on the ground. Why did he cut his shirt?

"Where's your coat?" I asked. The gauze and bandage around his shoulder was wet too. I wasn't sure if that was really safe.

"Obviously I left it home."

"You left your coat at home?"

He looked at me and shivered again, crossing his arms and placing his hands on his sides. God, he really was cold.

"I wasn't exactly planning on coming this way, Coco, but _eventually_ I did."

I didn't want to risk the chance of waking Charlie up but I couldn't stand to see him freezing. Luckily, I always slept with two blankets.

After I pulled the upper one off of the bed, I sort of threw it on his back and he looked at it strangely, and then chuckled.

"How very kind," he said, shaking his head and pulling the sheet around his arms as well.

I sat on my bed and watched him warily.

"Don't worry, I took them. I'm normal for now."

"Took _them_?" I asked carefully, because I could already guess what he meant.

"Yeah, you know, I thought Emmett told you?"

I shifted on the bed. He was walking around my room and watching all my stuff.

"This time I took Strattera," he said casually.

"Why are you telling me this?"

He turned and stepped in front of me, so I had to look up.

"What?" I asked nervously.

"What I'd like to know is why you let everyone believe the lies we spread about you all those years ago?"

He sat down next to me on my bed and I sensed him watch me, but I couldn't look back.

He threatened me. He hated me. He liked hurting me. Each time I tried to prevent one of their pranks, they'd make sure I regretted even thinking about avoiding them.

"I couldn't say anything." _I thought that was obvious._

"You never even tried," he said without hesitation.

He was so wrong. I tried, I tried until they kicked that thought out of my head and there was a point where I didn't even dare to _think _of a way to make the bullying stop.

"I tried, and each time I did, I got a punch right in the face." He raised his eyebrows. "Figurally..."

His eyes seemed like they were looking years back, and I guess that what they were doing. He slowly nodded. "Yeah. I remember. I have to do something."

"What?" I asked as he suddenly sounded determined and he got.

"Lie down."

"Uh, why?"

"Just lie down."

I shook my head slowly. "I won't. You'll have to make me."

He rolled his eyes. "Nothing right now is meant sexually, darling. I just want to see the scar I kicked on your head."

My eyes widened. "S-Scar? There's no scar..."

"You know how much I freaked out when I saw all that blood? You know how much I wanted to kill myself that day for being a cruel fucked up kid? Now lie the fuck down and let me look."

I gaped, there was nothing else I could do. He sat back on the bed again and his eyes seemed to be searching in my hair.

"I just have to see it."

"It's probably barely a scar," I mumbled, looking at my hands.

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter. If it's there..." He closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his fingers over his eyes.

"It's probably a tiny scar not worthy to ever be bothered to look at.

He let out a grunt.

"I just mean... _You _hate me."

He laughed darkly. "I don't hate you." When he opened his eyes I noticed again like I had seen in the classroom how tired he really looked. "Never have."

I shook my head in disbelief. However, he had his eyes trained on my hair.

He raised his hand and I had to look the other way to not see his face or hand as it touched my skull. I felt him shift closer to me, almost touching me with his entire body, as his fingers searched. His fingers were ice cold on my head, and again I was a little uncertain about what I could do to get the cold out of him.

Then I felt it. His thumb ran over a part of my skull a few times and I guess he found the scar. It was in an awkward angle, and if I decided to look at it, I'd have to use two mirrors. Not that I ever did.

Edward took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"I won't even say it," he said.

"Say what?"

When I turned my head, Edward was shaking his head. "That I went out of line. That day."

"It doesn't matter," I said, slightly getting paranoid. "It was years ago." And if I remembered correctly, he wasn't the one who began this fight, and he was the one who made Tanya stop from kicking me again.

He chuckled without any humor and walked to my desk again to pick up the same pair of scissors. This time, he began cutting the bandage around his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I quickly asked.

However, he didn't reply and slowly pulled the bandage off, revealing me the damage the bullet had done on his back. I chocked on my breathing and pressed both of my hands on my mouth because I was getting sick.

_The bullet had also caused an exit wound._

"Hey?" Edward asked. "Take it easy."

The bed shifted again and I felt his hand on my back.

"I didn't mean for you to see that," he said, sounding as if he meant that. "I know it looks like crap. I had to take of the bandage."

I shook my head quickly. "Sorry."

"You're sorry?" he said with a quiet laugh. "Don't be crazy. I'm crazy enough for the both of us."

Everything was such a gigantic mess. It was in the middle of the night, Edward was in my room and he knew who I was, except... he wasn't acting the way I thought he would.

I got up off the bed and quietly opened the door that lead to the bathroom. I picked up the band-aid kit and brought it to my room, while closing the door behind me.

"You should keep the wounds close," I mumbled as I searched for some bandage to cover both wounds. However, they were all too small to go all the way around his shoulder, so I had to bandage both wounds separately.

Edward got of off the bed as well.

When I managed to get one bandage out to stick it on the wound, I looked at him in uncertainty.

"Uh, do you mind?"

He shook his head with a grin. "Go ahead, sugar."

I brought it to his chest and pressed the sticky sides of the bandage on his skin. He had a little bit of chest hair and his nipple was a few inches below my hand. I tried not to let half-naked Edward bother me too much.

"Do you invite boys often to your room at midnight while tending for their wounds?" he asked.

I raised my eyes and noticed we were pretty close to each other. "I bet you wouldn't believe me if I said you're my first."

Edward laughed, but I didn't see his face anymore. I was already taking the second bandage out of the kit.

"Oh, it's very hard to believe," Edward said. "All pretty girls have boys chasing them."

I turned around to his back and had to raise my hands to reach the wound. The gaping wound was so big, I was afraid it would infect if it had the lack of proper care. I pressed the sides slowly on his skin.

"That was a compliment," he said.

When both of his wounds were done, I stepped away from him until I stood with my back against the wall. He still stood with his back against me.

"What do you want from me?" I asked in a tiny voice.

Edward turned with a scowl and looked at the distance I had created. He watched me with eyes that seemed troubled.

"Please don't be scared," he said.

"I just have to know," I begged. By now I was sure my eyes were pleading.

"Honey, I'm not here to claim anything from you," he said, slowly making the distance between us shorter. "I won't hurt you again, I promise."

I watched the distance carefully as he made it shorter and shorter.

"I see that you don't believe me."

This time I looked the other way.

"Listen, gorgeous. Last week, when you were at the principal's office, I heard you say your name to Mr. Greene. Then, when you were with me in my car, he called me and asked where _Isabella Swan _is. That's how I got to know your name."

My breathing sounded shaky. "I'm sorry." So did my voice.

"Then I was in fucking shock, for hours. The kid I hadn't seen in nine years was suddenly inside my car. Everything I told you, each time I asked you who broke you. I fucking understood that it was me. I broke the shit out of you. I fucking ruined you."

My lips were trembling; my eyes were shifting from him to another part of my room.

"You don't have to say that you're sorry, Coco. I understand why you lied. I would have deserved for that bullet to kill me."

I shook my head though. "No, don't say stuff like that."

"Even if it's true?"

"It's not." I surprised myself for sounded determined. "No matter what you did, nobody deserves the bullet."

"Do you really believe that?" he asked, stepping closer until he stood only inches away from me.

"Yes."

I looked up at him, he looked down at me.

"Do you think I deserve to live?" he asked with a scowl.

My face dropped at the realization that he was honestly asking me that question.

"Yes," I said.

The corner of his mouth went up.

"I made a mess," he said. "A complete mess out of you. You don't see it."

This time I dropped my gaze, because I didn't like this conversation anymore. Each time he said something about me, it sounded a lot like he hated what he had done to me.

"Will you come to my car with me?"

"What?" I asked in shock.

"My car," he said with a grin. "It's not far from here, just a minute walk."

I shook my head slowly.

"Please, Bella? Pretty please?"

"Why?" I asked in utter confusion.

"There's something you and I have to do."

And the way he said that, it left no further room for arguing. I was only wearing a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt. I put on a pair of flat summer shoes and slowly opened my door and began walking downstairs. Edward followed me close behind.

I knew I was crazy and I knew that tonight something bad would happen. But I didn't give a damn anymore. I lost the fight. I was worn.

~#~

If she doesn't see the simple fact that I have to die, then I'll show her how much of a monster I can be.

I'll give her some booze.

I'll take of her clothes.

I'll take off mine.

I'll take her virginity.

Quickly and shamelessly.

If she values her virginity, me taking it away from her will finally destroy the little naivety that's still left inside of her.

By then I'm sure she'll see that I deserve death.

I need to hear the words come out of her mouth.

She needs to say it.

I need to hear them from her before I'm dead.

_"You deserve to die, Edward."_

~#~


	15. Rough

_**Disclaimer: **_Not my characters.

**A/N: **Ola. 6 days later, an update. Is that awesome fast or what?

* * *

**Rough**

Edward was walking behind me after we left my house without waking Charlie. I heard his car key dangling from his finger as it hit one of his key rings.

It was strange though. When I carried another name around Edward, I was afraid. But now that he knew and now that I had truly given up, I didn't care anymore. I almost felt relieved. But I definitely felt no fear, currently.

I just kept my arms crossed, because a sleeveless shirt, shorts and open shoes did nothing to keep away the chill. Also, the heavy rainfall had me wet before I had ever gone down the stairs completely and stood on solid ground.

However, Edward behind me had no on shirt at all. He had just his wet jeans and two bandages on his upper body.

Here I was, in the middle of the night with Edward walking to his car and I was thinking about clothes and getting wet from the rain. It was ridiculous.

In the far distance I saw Edward's car. The car flashed twice as I assumed Edward had opened the doors from the distance.

I assumed he wanted to go somewhere, so I reached for the passenger's door, but Edward's hand flashed in front of me and he opened the door himself.

I didn't look at him but instead stared at the open space and carefully was about the get in.

"Wait. Turn around."

Slowly, I did so. The shirt clung on my skin and I had to keep my arms crossed because the cold wasn't a good combination with the fact that I didn't wear a bra when I slept. Not that my breast were big, just a tiny A. But I had to keep the protection of my arms around them. Especially because they felt bra-less.

Edward's bandage on his skin had gone completely wet, but at least it wasn't bleeding. Raindrops kept dripping out of his hair and running over his face and chest. He had one hand on top of the open door. The other one was resting by his side.

It wasn't bad, standing like this in the rain. I preferred it over standing in no rain. The rain pouring over me and over him, and on the ground... It was nice, because the sound it made was like a melody keeping me calm.

Something about Edward's demeanour changed. His eyes watched me darkly, while I simply stared at him.

He raised his free hand to me and ran it from my elbow higher to my neck. His hand slowly went behind my head and I froze at the intimacy. The combination of him having his hand behind my head while having such a dark look in his eyes didn't seem like a great combination.

He _had _kissed me, right before he shot himself. The first time a guy kissed me and afterwards he placed a bullet in his chest.

A first kiss isn't always special. The art is to have a special kiss, one that will always be reminded by you and making all the other kisses you've had in your life absolutely worthless.

Beautiful art would be if you had a first special kiss.

I got neither. I got a kiss that I actually almost instantly forgot, due to the shot that I heard afterwards.

Except now I did remember that first kiss...

_Shit. He kissed me. And I forgot._

"Why?" I blurted out.

Edward watched me with a slight scowl, but composed himself. His hand was still behind my head and his other hand still grabbed the car door. And his eyes were watching me carefully.

"Before you shot yourself..." I said, trying to keep my eyes on him, but occasionally I shifted them to the trees behind them.

"...I kissed you," he finished. "You ask why? I was curious."

This time, I scowled as I saw his eyes only darken.

"Curious?" I asked carefully.

"What'd be like to kiss your lips, but it wasn't that much fun." He shrugged lightly.

It was like a brick on my head after hearing him say those offensive words, but it was even stranger when as fast as lightning, Edward's other hand was on the side of my head and he pressed his lips hard on mine. Not soon after he was, when moving his lips on mine, trying to part mine... or so it felt like. I couldn't movie my head any way, because his hands behind and beside my head prevented me.

He pressed his lips even more roughly and I realised my breathing had stopped, but I was unable of taking a breath. My lips felt numb against his moving ones.

"C'mon, Bella," he muttered when he briefly separated from my lips.

I fluttered my eyes open as I realized I had closed them tightly. I gasped when I saw his nearly black eyes. His pupils were dilated, and I could only see a little green on the outlines of his pupils.

When I gasped my mouth opened and instead of keeping my hands around my chest, I placed them on his chest to push him away because I felt his tongue near my teeth.

My breathing returned in a way, but I was breathing hard through my nose. I wondered;

_Why is he kissing me, if the first time wasn't much fun?_

_Why is he kissing me, in the pouring rain?_

_Why is he kissing me, in the middle of the night?_

_Why is he kissing _me_?_

My breathing turned more shallow and irregular. I was turning a little faint, but Edward did have an iron tight grip on my head. The spinning I felt was only inside my head and it was caused by the way Edward was kissing me.

But then, his lips left.

I didn't have any comparing material. But how come I knew that Edward had just kissed me in a way that I didn't even seem to hate? He kissed me and I minded only a little.

_Crap. I'm losing it._

"Get in the car," he snapped, releasing my head, but turning away from me with his hand now on my shoulder as he pulled me away from the passenger's door and pushed me to the door that led to the backseats. He opened the door and waited.

I glanced at him with big eyes.

"Get in, Bella," he said urgently, as he pushed me closer to the car and I bended down to sit inside the car. He got in quickly afterwards, but didn't close the door behind him.

He did push me down so quickly, I hit my head on the leather beneath my head. Luckily it was soft, but hitting my head wasn't my worry anymore.

Edward was lying on top of me, his legs between mine, but I tried to fight him off of me by bending my legs several times, but he just gripped my shoulders tightly, his legs unmoving.

Eventually, I stopped. I stopped moving and looked at him.

"What are you doing?" I asked slowly.

He smirked and rolled his eyes. "Guess my pill wore out."

His hands went down to my wet shirt and he began pulling it up. His hands were on the sides and he trailed the skin where my bra strap would have been if I was wearing one. It felt like my body was filled with too much adrenaline. My body was stiff from nerves and cold. I was shivering from both his touch and the cold.

The shirt was up now, only covering my breast. But he didn't push it any further up.

"You sure make this easy, Bella." He brought his hands down and touched my shorts. "Are you completely naked under your clothes?" His fingers went inside my shorts and I closed my eyes. "Oh, wait. She's got panties."

I shook my head in denial. Edward didn't _want _me and could not _want _to do something with me that resembled sex. It was impossible. There was no reason for him to want that if he had girls like Tanya and Lauren or even Jessica.

"Look at me," he demanded. "Damnit, look!"

"No."

Edward placed his fingers under the shorts and pulled them down. He had to pull himself off of me and bring the shorts over my ankles and feet to pull them off. I had a chance to close my legs. But I didn't. I left them spread and kept my eyes closed.

I was left in just my panties and shirt. Now I was completely naked under the one-layer clothes I was wearing. I felt him crawl over my body again, but this time he didn't lay remained on a much father distance. Arm's length.

"That's because you can't look at a monster, can you?"

"_No_," I said, looking at him. His eyes had a hard stare on mine, almost as if he was angry at me. His hands were on my bare shoulders. Both of our skins were freezing. "That's not what it is."

He raised one eyebrow.

"I... I've seen you act like a normal person and I don't think it's because of pills."

He laughed shortly. "You are so stupid and so naive."

I gave him an expression of not caring at all. Perhaps he was even right. Maybe I was.

"If you can't see it, then I'll make you see it," he said slowly, watching me carefully.

"I guess I do see I'm stupid and naive," I mumbled, looking at the drives seat. "I mean, I'm stupid enough to be inside this car with you and naive enough to think you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, even though you do look at me with a dark look in your eyes and you are lying on top of me. Usually when you hurt me, you're not alone. I think..."

Because I remembered from the past that Edward always had a sibling or a friend with him when he and those others played their pranks on me.

However, I remembered from last week that Edward was the one that got me out of the bathroom where the girls managed to get me high.

I was stupid and naive.

This time Edward raised both his eyebrows.

"Damnit, girl. This... Fuck! Fuck you. _Fuck _you."

He watched me incredulously.

I was freezing. The cold was so deep inside of me, I was afraid only a hot shower could make my skin warm again. I looked at the goose bumps on my arm.

"What I meant, you stupid foolish girl, is that I deserve to die. And you're right, indeed. You are unimaginably stupid for thinking I won't hurt you when I think I could gain something out of it. If you knew what I plan to do with you Bella, you wouldn't be lying so still. Instead, you would be fighting hard against me and then running fast away from me."

He had been talking so fast, but he didn't run out of breath. I however needed a bit time to understand all the words.

He was watching me expectantly, but there was one thing about his speech that I didn't understand.

"Deserve to die?" I scowled at myself, not watching him. "No... You... Don't."

He glared at me when I watched him, almost as if I was really that stupid.

I shifted my eyes. "The only people who deserve to die, the ones who truly deserve it... They would never admit it. Because they wouldn't see it. And I'm not even justifying death as a punishment."

Edward shook his head once. "You're wrong."

And I shook my head as well, just once. "You're admitting you deserve it, which makes the opposite true. You don't deserve to die. Not over some bullying you did a few years ago."

"Some bullying? Really, Swan?"

I nodded slowly and mumbled, "I'm cold."

There was a pained expression in his eyes and I was glad for that, though his eyes were still dark.

I really didn't know what words would be correct to tell him, but telling him that I was cold seemed like a safe option.

"I can't do this," he said. "Get back up, darling, before I do something I'll regret."

"W-What?" I asked, the shivering from the cold causing my teeth to scatter.

He sighed and dropped his head on my stomach. My bare stomach.

"Are... Are you okay?" I asked nervously. "Do you need anything?"

"I though I knew. Now I'm not sure anymore."

He pulled himself off of me and leaned forward between the two chairs and I heard how the heaters began blowing cold air in the car. The radio began playing a rap song, but he'd put the volume down.

When he leaned back, he glanced my way. He reached for my sides and pulled the shirt down until it reached my panties.

I heard a soft chuckle as he grabbed both my knees and closed them slowly, shifting them to a sitting position. I sat back up.

He leaned back against the seat and looked out of the window on his side. I saw the outline of his face.

"I can't even tell you what I was planning to do with you this night in my car." He shook his head. "You can't imagine what I was thinking."

"I... I think I know, but I don't believe it."

If he really had the plan of having sex with me, then I really had to doubt my own sanity. He couldn't want that. Not from a girl like me. Not after what he'd done to me.

I was also awfully comfortable with that confession, even if I just made it in my own head. But perhaps I was comfortable, because in the end he _stopped_. He didn't proceed with it.

"Why don't you believe what you _think_ you know?" he asked slowly.

"Girls like Tanya and Lauren and Rosalie make it hard to believe... Though Rosalie is your sister, it's still difficult..." I mumbled.

"It's just a fuck. Don't make it something it's not. I can't make it special."

I widened my eyes. A fuck. That's what he called it.

My back was digging into something on the door because I was pressing it now. However, Edward wasn't even moving, let alone looking at me. His eyes remained outside.

"I'll tell you, and then you tell me I don't deserve a long and painful death."

Something was seriously the matter with him. He kept saying he deserved to die, that he deserved death and now he also mentioned it had to be long and painful too.

_He really needs to visit that psychiatric more often that Emmett told me about._

He turned his head and the white of his eyes was red. "I was planning on fucking you. Right here in this car. And hopefully then you'd realize that-"

"No," I said, interrupting him.

"I deserve it, Swan."

It was a strange feeling for him to call me Swan now. But I pushed all feelings aside. Also the fact that he had admitted what I thought he wanted to do.

There was a possibility that I wasn't the only one that had suffered these past few years. But I didn't want Edward to keep repeating he deserved something which he really didn't.

"You stopped, right? That counts for something... Right? I think it does. And I don't hold any grudges on you. What you did was a really long time ago and if I start hating you now, I'd just be hurting myself by hating somebody."

I slowly inhaled when I saw his eyes lost that blackness mostly. They were almost back to their original green, but the slight redness was strange. It seemed almost as if he'd drunk alcohol, but I didn't smell anything.

"You keep joking about those pills, that they change your personality?" I asked in uncertainty. "I don't believe that. Because I've seen you act normal when you didn't take the pills and I've also seen you act less normal when you did take the pills. So whatever you think those pills are doing, you're wrong. They are nothing. They are placebos. That's all. You're taking placebos and you don't need them."

Edward chuckled. "I was right. You're stupid and naive."

"But I'm _right_," I mumbled, watching him uncomfortably.

He shook his head. "You're not right, sweetie. There are moments when all I want to do is destroy your happiness. The pills lessen those moments. But moments are there and they're real. And when I have you around me while I have those moments, you're screwed, honey."

I laughed. Nothing was funny, but I laughed. Edward's lips went up a little in a smile.

"You're starting to lose it," he said. "But I'm not joking, darling. You know how close I got this night?" He bended down and picked up my shorts. "This close. I was this close."

I stared at the shorts he's picked up and was now dangling on his finger. He dropped it between us.

"I still have my clothes on," I said slowly with a small shrug.

"Matter of a second and I had those off of you too," he said, waving his hand.

"Why didn't you?"

"Your naivety saved you. Your stupid naivety."

"You keep insulting me like that."

"What ya gonna do about it, honey?"

It was then that I think I knew how his eyes had become so red. "Are you crying?"

"The fuck?" he said angrily. "Fuck you, Swan."

I widened my eyes and quickly went back to the previous topic. "My stupid naivety?"

He sighed forcefully. "Yes, your stupid naivety. When I told you I'd make you see, you said I didn't have to, because you already saw how stupid you are. I was saying this, you were saying that. Then you kept saying over and over again that I don't deserve the one obvious thing I do deserve. So yes, your stupid naivety saved you and I stopped taking off your clothes."

The blowing wind had finally turned warm and the car was slowly warming, but I still shivered from cold.

Still I didn't understand it.

"Why did you decide to _do _what you were planning to do?"

"I decided to fuck you, because that was my way of showing you I'm a monster that deserves to die."

If he kept this going, the only words coming out of his mouth were _I deserve to die._

"You do know I can take you?" I said.

This time, Edward laughed. "You barely moved, let alone take me."

"I did take a few self-defence lessons." A very long time ago.

"I have years of boxing practice. Can you compete to that?" He was watching me like he knew he was already right.

"Maybe not. In the end though you stopped. You're not a monster. You don't deserve to die. Please stop saying you deserve to die."

"You mean that," he said with a pained expression. "You actually believe that."

"Maybe you should too."

He shook his head. "No, Swan."

"Then change yourself. Change into better. Stop..."

"What?" he asked. "Stop what? Now you've got me loads of curious."

However, I was a little insecure to precede that sentence.

"C'mon, don't stop when the good stuff is happening," he said with a grin.

"Stop screwing willing girls," I said softly. "And don't order me to... stay here."

"I'll bring you back home, right now. Okay? I'm not forcing you to stay here. I lost track of time."

Edward misunderstood me. I didn't mean right now.

"No, I meant here in Forks. You ordered me to stay here and not go back to Phoenix."

His face turned into understanding. He remembered that day. "Okay, I won't order anything again."

On moments like these, I could believe Edward was normal. He actually said _okay_. He took his words back.

"And maybe I should get back home?" I asked.

He nodded, grinning. "Sure."

But neither of us moved. Well, it was him that should be doing something first.

"Do you mind if I take you to my place?"

"Why?" I asked with big eyes.

"Why not?" he asked, and opened the door. I got out too, but he walked around the car and got inside the driver's seat.

This wasn't a good idea. I opened the driver's seat door.

"Why?" I asked again.

He took my hand and pulled me down until I nearly fell into his lap. I quickly pulled myself away from him and landed on the chair beside him.

"Okay..." I mumbled.

"I won't do anything strange," he said. "Here." He pulled out his phone. "Keep it on you." He threw it on my lap. "I'm just not ready giving you up yet for this night."

He threw his car into reverse, spun, and drove forward again, heading to I assumed his place.

"Isn't it a school's day tomorrow?" I asked.

"We'll skip."

"I can't..."

"When good and bad skip..." Edward said, trailing off.

_Yeah, I remember. _"The bad gets all the crap."

"Yeah, so don't worry. The school hates me."

"No, not really. The principal is very optimistic about you."

"Huh."

At some point he was driving almost faster then eighty miles per hour and the speed was just increasing.

And I actually thought he followed the traffic rules.

I then saw a bottle with a clear liquid in it under my feet.

"You didn't drink anything, right?" I asked, my voice shivering.

"Nah, the booze was for you," he said. "I sort of forgot to get you drunk before I got you undressed."

"I don't drink though," I said.

"Oh, please do, Isabella Swan. Drink straight from the bottle and go crazy in front of me."

"God," I mumbled. I picked up the bottle and read tequila. "You said you don't hate me..."

"Yes."

"You meant that?"

"Yes."

"But you also say you want to hurt me."

Edward was quiet for a while. I turned the lid of the bottle.

"And that you're still my worst nightmare."

He sighed. "I get a sick high when I see you terrified. Like now." He laughed. "You mind that I drive so fast."

I pulled off the lid and took a sip. It tasted foul and bitter. _Man._ People drank this stuff?

"But then other times you say you wish I'd talk," I said. "But if you knew I'm terrified... then it's pretty impossible to talk..."

"I'm a fucked up. Did you need me to say the words out loud? You got what you want?"

"No... I just... I try to figure you out."

"Darling, don't. It's useless."

I ignored him. "Why do you keep calling me stuff like darling and honey?"

Even though his car was still racing, he looked at me.

_God, please look at the road._

Instead I looked at the road nervously, in case he hit something. Well, I didn't have a break, bit I could perhaps use the emergency brake.

"Cuz you kinda are."

He looked back at the road and for the first time I felt heat. This was heat my own body made and it reached my cheeks.

_Damnit. _Who would have thought Edward could be charming when he wanted to?

~#~

My plan failed.

I'm taking her to my room.

My bed.

Second chance?

Perhaps.

Though I would never forgive myself for taking her virginity.

_Fuck._

~#~


	16. Tequila

_**Disclaimer: **_Not my characters.

**A/N: **Ola. 6 days again. No wait, 5. Don't freak out while reading. I love big scenes.

* * *

**Tequila**

For the sake of doing something, I sipped more and more tequila. I liked the sound the tequila made in the bottle each time I brought it away from my mouth.

_The very first time I drink alcohol, and I do it in front of the one person that could potentially be very dangerous._

What surprised me so was the bitterness, but in a way, that was a good thing. It was a good bitter. As if the tequila knew my life sucked.

I knew what amounts made people drunk. I made sure I didn't get anywhere _near _that amount.

"Your parents know me..." I began.

"So?" he replied impatiently.

We were going to his house, where his parents were right now. Asleep, probably, but they would see me sooner of later. I would have to introduce myself and I wasn't sure if they remembered me, but either way, the reason why I was sent away by Charlie was probably not forgotten by them.

Another tequila sip. "I suppose I'm not really their fan."

In the distance I saw their house and he drove a little further, stopped the car and turned to look at me. But I kept my eyes on the house. It was dark like this, with no lights on and just the moonlight to give the area some light.

"You really that scared to tell everyone you never did anything wrong?"

Scared was a big word, but I also liked this shell I made. Nobody had to know the truth. If they chose to believe the rest, then I didn't care. That's what they chose and I wasn't going to run after them to tell them otherwise. It would be too awkward to tell them all of sudden that ten years ago I didn't smoke a cigarette, but that it was forced.

I just wasn't in the mood for bringing up the past. It was maybe too much for me to handle. God only knew they would feel guilty for misjudging me and angry because I told them ten years _after_ it happened. Perhaps they wouldn't even care. So much time had passed after all.

_Another tequila sip._

"Honey." I winced when his finger touched my upper leg. "You were the victim in a situation that I caused."

He turned to the door and opened it, but didn't get out of the car. He glanced back at me.

I slowly turned my head to him and stared in wide eyes. He admitted it. He was able to admit that he caused a situation where I was the victim. Never in my life did I have Edward admit something.

But admitting is was something different then feeling bad about it. He never said sorry. Just that one simply word.

_Sorry._

A bit more tequila.

_Plus he touches me._

Why did he touch me?

_I like you, tequila. You're my best friend right now._

"And I wasn't in on the weed smoking last Friday. They tried to make you believe that I was in on it, but I was not."

This time, he got out of the car.

"Okay," I mumbled mostly to myself, getting out of the car as well and closing the door.

_With tequila bottle in my hand and his phone in the other._

There wasn't rain this time. It was _snowing_. And pretty hard actually. It was very cold with wet clothes standing outside where the wind was blowing hard, causing me to squint my eyes so the snow wouldn't get in them. I crossed my arms while holding onto the bottle tighter.

"Forcing isn't really my style," he said, looking straight back at me.

_Forcing... Yeah. You used to force me, Edward._

Each time I wasn't allowed to tell the teacher about their pranks, each time he told me to do something for him, like give him my homework or staying quiet as I let them bully me. That was forcing.

But I didn't say it. My rational self told me to say; 'Actually, forcing _is_ your style,' but my other self kept her mouth shut.

Instead of looking at him, I looked at the dark house again. It seemed like ages, but only a few days ago I was here, sparring with Edward and getting the shit punched out of me.

"We're not alone. I guess Rosalie invited friends."

I looked at where he was looking with a scowl and noticed the cars. They belonged to Lauren, Tanya and Jessica. Also, of course, Rosalie was in the house as well.

Edward I could handle for now. But all of them under one roof?

_Too much. Way too much._

So I drank more and more tequila. It began numbing the pain. It was a feeling I never felt before.

_I should do tequila more often._

"Are you okay, Chanel?" His voice sounded far away, like he was on a distant. However, he still stood by the side of his car, looking at me with eyes half closed.

_The snow wasn't bothering just me then._

"I can't do this." I pointed at the cars and then his house. Then I stared at the cars, almost to see if it was really _theirs_. I scowled as I recalled what he'd call me, but I was too late asking, because he beat me too it.

"Sure you can. You survived me." He actually sounded serious.

Couldn't he for once have mercy? I couldn't handle all of the Cullen's and Rosalie's friends under one roof. I really couldn't. Did he not see that I was trying to keep sane by drinking this tequila bottle empty?

Is that what he was used to? Girls that drank themselves drunk and he had sex with them? Because that had been his plan after all.

"They won't hurt you," he said, his voice sounding even father away to my ears.

I watched him sceptically and he brought his eyes up to the sky with a little shake of his head.

_Crap. _Maybe I went out of line and shouldn't give him sceptical looks.

_He's dangerous and already you're starting to piss him off._

"Not when I'm around," he continued. He looked back at me. "They won't when I'm with you."

I scowled. "Why not?"

"God, you're stupid," he snapped.

He glared at me and watched me with degrading eyes. I wanted to shrink away form him.

"Because I won't let them, idiot. Did you think I was gonna grab a cigarette while they have their evil way with you? Perhaps enjoy it? Is that what you think I'm gonna do?"

I blinked. _Yes. You do. At least, you used to._

"Fuck," he said in surprise. "You think I do."

"Uh..." I mumbled.

"Whatever," he snapped. "Believe what you want to believe. I don't care. I don't give a damn about your fucking thoughts."

He turned his back on me and I tried to numb the new pain I felt with tequila. Tequila was the answer to everything tonight.

_What time is it anyway?_

Hours past midnight, that for sure.

_What did I do?_

Why was he so angry all of a sudden? I never said I wanted to come with him. We weren't even friends. He just dragged me here like he owed me.

"Are you coming?" he called curtly as he was already halfway down the path to the front door.

I wondered if he was mad because he didn't get his way. Maybe he really did want to screw me in his car. Did he think he lost? Did he consider himself the loser? Because I was the one who'd lost. He was the winner. He could have easily taken me and I would have just let it happen, because emotionally I was handicapped. I didn't now what was right and what was wrong.

He could have done it, but he stopped himself. Maybe that pissed him off. It could. He probably regretted stopping.

_Shit Bella. It's the tequila... The tequila is making you think crazy._

I began following him toward the front door. My skin felt ice cold and I could appreciate getting out of the snow and cold blowing wind. He unlocked and opened it, went in and waited until I got in too. He shut the door quietly and locked it again.

As I looked around the house, I felt a head rush slowly coming and it was getting worse. Everything was beginning to spin around me.

_I really think tequila wasn't such a good idea after all._

I swaggered a bit and for a second didn't know which way was north and south.

Edward appeared in front of me and I felt a tight grip on my waist as I regained a few of my senses.

"What?" I mumbled slowly, looking down. I saw his hands around my waist and his body awfully close to mine. I brought my head up and caught his pointing look, but he was also grinning.

"Having trouble staying up, Bella?"

"What?"

He smirked. "Who would have thought innocent Bella would have the courage to drink on her very own free will in front of a guy like me?"

I looked at him with a scowl.

"Why?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow and had an evil smile on his lips. "Because you and I are alone, you're slowly getting drunk and maybe I'll continue doing what I did in the car upstairs in my room."

"Why?" I asked again. Truth be told, I didn't really catch on his words. I was getting drowsy.

"Let me show you once we get up," he said slowly. "Maybe then you'll understand _why_."

"What?" I asked.

_Did I slur?_

God, I sounded like a drink and the worst part was that the tequila was really starting to reach my brain. But I didn't even drink that much.

His grip loosened and he brought one hand to my forehead. He placed the back of his hand on my forehead while he looked at me. I just stared at him. Our chests were touching.

I think I'd stepped forward.

Or he had pushed me toward him.

Or he had stepped forward.

Either way, we had partly skin contact and partly skin to shirt contact.

"Are you feeling okay, Bella?" he asked, bringing his hand from my forehead to my left cheek. He touched it with the back of his fingers. Then he touched my right cheek with the palm of his hand.

I shrugged and my knees went weak all of a sudden.

"Bella," he gasped. His hand left my cheek as he grabbed my back with his hand, while the one on my waist tightened. "Look at me."

I looked up with big eyes. "I'm sorry." My words sounded slurred. I think I was definitely slurring.

He scowled as he looked into my eyes.

"I didn't mean-"

"To fall?" Edward said with a raised eyebrow. "Your eyes, they..." He scowled. "They're fucking dilated."

I blinked, looking away from him.

"You said you never drank before?" he asked.

I nodded and he glanced at my hand. I was still holding the bottle with tequila. "Then stop drinking any more, because you're getting fucking drunk."

He yanked the bottle out of my hand and put it on the ground.

"But..." I mumbled. _That's what you wanted, Edward._

"And please try not to puke, will you?" he snapped.

"That's what you wanted, getting me drunk," I accused out loud in a slur, slipping on my foot and this time Edward pulled me up and himself a little down. My body was pressed tightly around him, except for my arms and legs. They felt numb as he was holding unto my bodyweight. My arms hang behind me and my head fell behind too.

I'd gone pretty much numb. It felt like that though. My eyes shut.

"Shit," Edward cursed. "What the hell is the matter with you? You're seriously a lousy drunk."

"No, maybe tomorrow," I mumbled.

My fingers went numb too, because I dropped his phone on the ground with a loud thud.

In a second I felt my legs lift and his arm around my back. Suddenly the pressure on my body was gone, but instead Edward had lifted me.

"Bella, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Edward," I mumbled. Why couldn't I talk normally? Everything I said came out in a slur. "You?"

I wasn't sure though what I was talking about. It all felt so numb. What did I say?

"You're acting awfully strange," he mumbled.

_My head was a mess._

_I hate tequila. Never again._

I kept my eyes shut as I felt numb. I didn't fall asleep though. My eyes were simply shut, but I was awake. But I felt so tired and it was weird that I didn't fall asleep.

And there was the fact that I couldn't move.

"Did you fuck her yet?"

I stirred a little. I didn't like that voice and that sentence.

"Hello, Rosalie," Edward said curtly.

"Well, did you?"

"Go fuck yourself, whore."

I forced my eyes open and saw Edward's face. His eyes were pointed in front of him. Probably on Rosalie.

"Come on, Edward," Rosalie said with a sharp laugh. "I know what you want. I know you. You're Edward and you want to fuck Bella. It's not rocket science, big brother."

Now Edward laughed. "Why would you think that, _Rose_?"

"You've managed to take most of her clothes and she's pretty pissed," she answered casually. "So the tequila did it's job, huh? Do I get to hear a thank you?"

"Shut up, bitch," Edward replied angrily.

"So why don't you go up to your room and fuck her?"

"Because I decided I don't want to anymore."

"Why not?" she instantly asked.

"Cuz she's a fucking bore," he snapped. "She can barely hold her liquor and gets drunk from a little tequila."

I stared at Edward. Something inside my chest hurt and I think the broken pieces of my heart were breaking into even more tinier pieces.

"And Roofies," Rosalie's voice said.

Edward's face changed. My brain couldn't register the emotion on his face. "What?" he asked in a deadly voice.

"Are you deaf? I said Roofies."

I didn't know what happened but Edward's eyes snapped to mine as he watched me with an expression that said _this is unbelievable._

"Don't act innocent, Edward. I gave her the little things she needed in order for you to fuck her properly. Be a man, Edward, for once in your damn life."

Edward was glaring straight into my eyes and I turned my head. I turned it the wrong way, because my face pressed into his chest. However, if I had turned my head the other way, I would have probably seen Rosalie, so maybe this was better instead of Edward's hard glare or Rosalie's evil face.

I breathed hard and felt his skin get warm on the place where my nose blew hot air out.

"Did he fuck her?"

I winced when I heard Lauren's voice. Edward shifted me in his arms and I felt my body lift a little more.

"What are you cuddling her for, Edward? You don't have to show affection to sluts." And that was Tanya.

My eyes shut again because they were very heavy, but I didn't seem to fall asleep. All I truly wanted was to get into the dark, peaceful place they called sleep.

"He sure knows how to pick sluts. Look at what she's wearing! God, that's just humiliating."

Jessica. Jessica was there too.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move. Everything felt heavy.

And I whimpered. This is not what I wanted. This was too much.

Edward's arm around my back pulled me a little up and his hand on my shoulder gripped me less tightly. His thumb ran a few slow circles around my skin.

Breathing air had never been this difficult before.

"Let me get this straight," Edward began as he moved, and to my horror his movement brought us closer to the girls. I tried to get out of his grip, but all was useless.

_I'm numb._

_What are Roofies?_

"You slipped Roofies in the tequila bottle and now Bella is drugged with an illegal medicine because it has been known to be used on girls _minutes_ before they were raped? Am I correct, Rosalie? Is that the Roofies you're talking about? You slipped raping pills in the tequila bottle that Bella drank?"

"Well..." Rosalie said. "You needed our help a little."

"All of you are in on this?" Edward asked. "Lauren, Tanya, Jessica? Seriously?"

"Yeah," Lauren said.

"Of course," Tanya said.

"Didn't you know?" Jessica asked.

"Congratulations, bitches," Edward snapped. "You fucking know how to stoop that fucking low. I fucking insulted her."

A few of them laughed.

"Are you not telling me something, Edward?" Rosalie said deadly. "What do you care if you insulted her?"

He huffed and began walking again.

_Where's he taking me?_

"Edward, come on," Rosalie said. "Are you going to back down now? Look at her! It's pathetic."

"No!" Edward said, his loud voice causing a shriek from a few of the girls. "You and your miserable little friends are pathetic. You are pathetic for thinking I'm going to rape a drugged up girl. You're sick, Rosalie, the lot of you. Piss off."

I was so dizzy and as Edward began walking faster and faster, I felt like throwing up. But it was as if I couldn't do that. I couldn't throw up, but I did breathe harder.

"You think I don't know you, Edward?" Rosalie called loudly from behind us. "You think you're better then me? Who said to kick her until she bleeds? _You_. Who said it's funny when she's scared? _You_. Who wished she was dead? _You_. Who wanted to beat her so hard she couldn't walk for days? _You_. Edward, you did. You hate Bella. I know you want to destroy her. I know about your evil plans. You wanna know how I know?"

I forced my eyes opened, but barely was able to. However, I was met with Edward's piercing eyes. Suddenly the green wasn't so nice and green anymore. It was evil, like Rosalie said. I wondered if it was really true, if Edward really wanted all those things. But Edward didn't reply to Rosalie. He was deadly quiet.

"Because you and I are the same," she said. "I want her ugly face to vanish just as much as you do. And when _I _want something, then _you_ want it too. So I know you."

Edward raised one eyebrow, his eyes still looking at me. He shook his head a little, almost as if he was telling me _no, that's not true and don't you dare believe her_.

But I shut my eyes in defeat, because I sort of did believe her.

"As of now," he said in again a deadly voice, "you are no longer my sister. If you even as much as point a finger at her, I will hurt you that way you plan on hurting her. And I know your plans and I will use them on you, Rosalie. You wanna know how I know about your plans?"

The room had gone quiet.

"Because you and I are the same, like you said so yourself. Rosalie, I will murder you if you pull a stunt like this again. And trust me. I'll make you suffer twice as much as you made her suffer. _All four of you _will suffer."

"Fuck you, Edward!" she said angrily. "You think she's worth a damn?"

"A lot more then you," was Edward's calm reply.

"Right," Rosalie said. "Then let me formulate this differently. Do you honestly believe Bella wants you? She hates you. She wants to be on the other side of the world, away from you. She may not be able to talk right now, but I know she hates the way you're holding her right now. Bella hates you."

Edward laughed. "Oh, I know Rosalie. Now shut the fuck up before I punch it shut."

Rosalie huffed and Edward began walking again.

"Have fun!" she screeched.

"She can't fucking shut the fuck up," Edward hissed beneath his breath.

He was quiet for a while as we kept moving.

"That bitch just doesn't know when enough is enough."

He stopped for a second. I heard a door open.

"I'm not sure if you're still awake, or if you can even hear me," he said softly. "But I'd just like to warn you that tomorrow morning you won't remember much. I'm not sure how many Roofies she put in the bottle."

I felt myself being placed on something soft. He pulled off my shoes and I heard how he dropped them on the floor.

"But all I know is that Roofies are used by guys who can't fuck a girl the normal way, so they have to drug them. That way they've got a girl that won't fight them back. Raping losers is what I call those kind of guys."

I felt hot and Edward pulled the blankets over me.

"You probably shouldn't sleep in wet clothes, but I guess there's no other option. I've raised the temperature in here."

I felt his cool hand touch my forehead and cheeks again.

"Shit," he mumbled.

I was pulled more and more into a numb state. It was beginning to get darker inside my head, or so it seemed.

"You've been here for a week and you got yourself high from crack and drugged up from rape drugs. You're a real idiot, did you know that?"

Whether he was still talking to me or not after that, I didn't know, because finally I was pulled into a dark, endless state. I had a nightmare. This nightmare really did happen though.

_School again. Dad brought me to school. _

_"Enjoy your special day, Bella," he said._

_"Yeah, I will," I said with a small smile._

_This year, my birthday fell on a Thursday. _Again _I would be surrounded with people who only bullied me on my birthday._

_Last year they threw paint over me as their present. This year I decided to not care what they would do. If they wanted to do whatever they could come up with, they would do it._

_"Bella, wait!" Edward called when I was just about to slip behind the building. "Isn't it your birthday today?"_

_I nodded._

_"Did you get seven?"_

_"Eight."_

_He laughed for reasons unknown to me._

_"I have to go," I mumbled, pointing at the building._

_"To all your friends?" he said. He rolled his eyes and patted my back. "You don't have friends. Emmett! It's Bella's birthday."_

_I glanced at my side and saw Emmett walk to us, followed by the girls._

_"We should maybe give her a present," he continued._

_"Like what?" Emmett said, looking at me. He had grown since the day I met him. He was taller then I now._

_Edward and Emmett were thinking and I turned to walk away. When I glanced back, I noticed the girls having big grins on their faces._

_"Oh, I know," Rosalie said. "She's saying it herself."_

_"Right!" Tanya said._

_The girls laughed but Emmett was scowling. Edward grabbed his arm and pulled him closer and then he laughed as well._

_"Oh! Yeah, I get it."_

_"Here's your birthday present, _Bella_," Rosalie said._

_Tanya giggled, "Yeah, here it comes."_

_She gave me a hard push and I fell sideways on my arm and shoulder, but I didn't know what happened when I felt pain on my arms and legs and back and stomach._

_I shielded my head and screamed._

_But nobody heard. Or they assumed it was nothing, a girl screaming loudly from somewhere near the end of the building. I didn't scream words. I gave up before I tried, because begging them to stop only seemed to make them crueller._

_I was soar from the inside. This pain had nothing to do with being physically abused. I felt this way because I was living the life of a robot. I was just a body with a beating heart and working lungs. They kept me alive, but I wasn't doing what other kids my age did._

_After I was sure that the pain I felt was after pain and that they were done kicking, I slowly opened my eyes again._

_My arms were still around my head, but my eyes were filled with tears as I glanced up at the kids around me. They were all wearing sick, happy smiles as they saw me in pain. They enjoyed this._

Thank you for destroying my eight birthday.

Thank you for making me feel less good then you are.

Thank you for breaking my spirit.

_Afterwards, when the bell rang, they quickly ran to class, but I stayed there on the ground and let the drizzle make me wet. The cold numbed the soar body parts where their feet had kicked._

I'm eight years old and all I can think of now is ending it. My stupid life... I want to end it.

_I was sick and tired of feeling low all the time._

_And I cried again when I saw a post-it note on the ground that sad;_

Kick me.

_The handwriting was messy, but definitely Edward's. I remembered him patting my back. He must have put it on my back._

_They all thought it was funny. They all laughed. But I wasn't. Couldn't they see that their fun was destroying me?_

And after the nightmare, I felt a new numbness.

I felt it... I felt death. I smelt death. I even swore I heard death.

This new numbness felt like death.

_Did I die?_

~#~

"You're a little fool who's so damaged that she can't even defend herself anymore. That's _sick_. You can't be that scared. It's impossible."

Her breathing seemed deeper then before and if she heard me or not, it didn't really matter. She would forget it anyway. So why not insult her a little? Though she didn't deserve my insulting. Her reaction was normal after all the hurting we did on her. And Rosalie didn't do much to watch her mouth.

"Rosalie is right. I can't make it right, darling. I fucked you up for good."

I bent down and pressed my lips on her cold ones.

_Just one more, where no one will see us. Just one more, where nobody will know._

_You will._

Yes, I would. Maybe Bella would forget, but I would remember. Why did I sometimes have the urge to feel her lips one mine?

I had to stop. I couldn't hold unto Bella anymore. My grip on her was killing her.

If I planned on seeing her less terrified, it was time to pull away. She needed to go away from me. But she also needed closure. Everywhere she went she dragged her past with her. She couldn't let it go, because she didn't know how. She didn't feel safe enough to let go of the past.

So she dragged it with her everywhere. She had a truck load of baggage and mostly I was in it. I destroyed her on a daily basis.

_Fuck you._

I sat on the couch for a long while, thinking what the hell I was going to do with the girl in my bed.

While watching her and thinking, I never moved from my spot. I didn't go downstairs to pick my phone. I was sure I had loads of missed calls and messages from girls that I met at clubs and other events, but right now I didn't really care about that. They could try and contact me all they wanted, but I wasn't going to answer them.

She began breathing harder. I looked at her with a scowl.

After glancing at the clock - 05;42 - I heard her talk incoherently. She began trashing and mumbling things.

I got off the couch and walked slowly to her.

"No... I didn't... Go away..."

I stopped walking and stared at her from the short distance.

"Don't... Please..."

I never stopped, I never quit it, and I never felt bad.

And now I've got a wounded girl that pleads in her dreams. She pleads for the hurting to stop.

_Fuck me._

I took a deep breath as I began walking to her again. She was breathing too shallow and trashing too hard.

She gripped her hair with one hand and trashed her head from the left to the right.

Before I reached her, she screamed out one word.

_And I'll never forget the way she screamed and the agony she put into that one word_.

_You fucking broke her for good._

I ran my hand through my hair and gripped unto it, the way Bella gripped her hair.

_Agony._

She had screamed, "Edward!"

I took the last steps hurriedly and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her lightly.

Her arms began moving and she almost hit me, but I ducked. She found her strength again. This was better then how numb she seemed before.

"Wake up," I whispered. "It's me."

_It's Edward, the guy you hate. It's Edward, the one you're fucking scared of._

_Fucking shut up._

And then she yelled without stopping. Her yell said it all.

"Bella, it's a nightmare. Get out of it. Wake up. C'mone, darling, it's okay."

She gasped for air loudly as her head trashed. I held her head lightly and tried to make her stop trashing so hard. It could strain her neck and that would be painful when she woke up.

"No..." she gasped. "No... No... No... Oh, no..."

"Bella," I begged.

_Loser. You're begging. Loser._

_Fuck off._

"Stop..."

"Bella," I snapped. "Bella, wake up. Come on, wake up." I shook her a bit harder. "A fucking nightmare, that's what it is."

Instead she yelled again in what seemed more agony.

My eyes widened as my grip on her loosened.

_I can't do this. I can't calm her down. She's too fucked._

_Fuck it._

_Yeah, just let her suffer. Always the gentleman, Edward._

I took a sharp breath as I was in an inner battle with myself. I didn't know. She just had to see it out and wake up afterwards. I couldn't stop her nightmare, whatever it was she saw.

_"Edward_," she mumbled.

Me. It _had_ to be me in the nightmare. Not Rosalie, Lauren or Tanya, or for god sake Emmett.

I was in her nightmare right now.

How did she end up having a nightmare so bad?

She trashed two more times, and then stopped moving completely.

Her chest was still and the slight movement of her artery on her neck wasn't moving anymore.

Quickly I brought my face to her nose and my finger on her neck, but neither did I feel the warmth of her breath on my cheek or the thumping of her beating heart on my finger.

I couldn't breathe in relief, because it wasn't just her frantic movements that stopped.

Her breathing and heartbeat did too.

_What the fuck happened?_

"Carlisle!" I called loudly.

x x x x

_"When are you gonna fuck her?"_

_"Fuck off, Rosalie."_

_"Go on, tell me," she urged. "I wanna know when you'll fuck her."_

_I ignored her. I hated her words. She was so disgusting. Her actions were more dangerous then mine._

She's crazier then me.

_"Fuck Bella."_

_I glared at her. "Fuck you."_

_"Fuck Bella," she repeated._

_"Go fuck her yourself!"_

_Several people in the supermarket quickly went away from us. I grabbed the beer that Emmett and Jasper wanted, though they weren't really speaking to me._

_They wanted me to _apologise _to Bella. I wasn't going to fucking apologise._

_"Oh, come on Edward," she snapped. "Don't be a sissy. Here!" She grabbed a bottle of tequila and held it in front of my face. "This is perfect for her."_

_I glanced at the bottle. Then I glared at her._

_"You think I'd fuck a girl when she's wasted?"_

_She laughed. "Yes. You usually do, plus you're wasted then as well."_

_"Fuck you, Rosalie. Is your boyfriend really that pissed at you that you have to bother me?"_

_"Just for the record, my boyfriend is pissed at you too."_

_"That's because Emmett doesn't know you forced Bella to smoke the weed. Should I tell him, darling? That would make him really pissed off."_

_Rosalie glared at me and pointed at me with the bottle. "Don't you dare tell him anything."_

_"Hit a nerve, have I?"_

_"Fuck you!" She pushed the bottle into my hands. "And fuck her. Bend her over the hood of your car and fuck her."_

_Her words were causing images inside my head, but none of the girls I saw doing _just that_ were Bella. I couldn't picture Bella in that position._

_Perhaps because Bella wasn't a slut._

x x x x

I ran to the door and yanked it open.

"Carlisle!" I screamed as loudly as I could.

A figure was walking in my direction, but it wasn't the one I wanted. Her room was closest to mine, though, so at least somebody heard me.

"Go get him!" I snapped.

"Why?" Alice asked sleepily, her fingers rubbing her left eye.

"Because Bella isn't breathing," I snapped again. Alice's eyes went wide as she watched me incredulously. "No joke. Run!"

I was glad she ran down the stairs quicker then light and I turned back into the room. I wanted to go to Rosalie's room and smack her head on the wall.

I closed my eyes and remembered back a few hours ago when Bella first picked the tequila bottle to open it and I remembered. There was no click. The cap was already open.

Of course by now I knew there was something in the tequila, but now that Bella was reacting in a very dangerous way, I hoped that maybe it wasn't true.

_She drank a lot, especially for somebody who never drank before. I remember she drank at least three to four shots. And the Roofies combined with the alcohol didn't make things any better._

"Fuck you, Rosalie!" I snapped into the quiet room.

I walked to Bella, who had no clue that her tequila was drugged by my fucking sister. She thought _that _was the taste of tequila, but with Roofies it tasted far more bitter. I knew that. She didn't.

"Stupid Bella," I whispered to her. "Stupid girl."

I didn't dare touch her. Not anymore. She was on my bed and she was dead. She looked so fragile.

Bella did act differently then a drunk usually did. Her signs looked much like an overdose. I fucking didn't see. I didn't notice her odd behaviour instantly. I should have.

_I told her I wouldn't let them hurt her. She didn't believe me._

Her sudden outbursts when she told me that I wanted her drunk. Her dilated pupils. Drunken people rarely got dilated pupils. The way she slurred wasn't quite the way drunk people slurred. And she lost her balance and strenght. She got faint. It was all on the alcohol and drug.

_Why had I been so damn blind? I insulted her._

"Edward."

"She's not breathing, Carlisle," I said, not recognizing my own voice.

He ran past me and touched her neck. Then he dragged her body out of my bed to place it on the ground.

With hands on her chest, he pushed a few times. He was saying things to whoever was behind me, but I didn't hear. I watched how Carlisle pounded.

"Edward, I want you to perform CPR on her," he ordered. "Each time check if her heart starts. If it doesn't, try to get it start like I'm doing now. And breathe air in twice and stop breathing once her chest rises a few inches."

"I can't," I said, shaking my head.

"Edward, do it!" Alice shrieked from behind me.

_She's turning fucking blue._

She almost looked like a corpse already.

"Edward! Right now! Do this as I page the best doctors to help her. She can still be saved, if you start performing CPR instantly."

I dropped on my knees on Bella's other side and watched Carlisle's actions closely.

"Hold her nose close, press her chin down and breathe air in."

_Shit._

I pinched her nose and bended down, at the same time pushing her chin down and placed my open mouth on her open one. It felt wrong in all ways. Her lips were ice cold already. Slowly I gave her my air. From the corner of my eyes I noticed her chest rise and when I released her lips, it slowly went back down. It never rose again.

"Two times, Edward."

"I can't breathe air into a corpse," I mumbled.

_She tastes like tequila._

I wanted to punch something so badly. This was unfair. Bella didn't deserve this fucking shit.

_Enough is fucking enough._

Carlisle bended down and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"If you don't try to save this girl's life, you will never forgive yourself for not trying to save her life. If you don't, I'll have to do it myself. However, if I'm occupied here, then I can't order her the right care."

_Fuck it._

I breathed deeply in and pressed my lips back on hers and breathed out, as her chest rose again. I pulled myself up and let go of her chin and nose.

"Then hump on her heart thirty times and in a quick rhythm. Like this."

He showed me the speed in which he pounded her heart. And still she wasn't breathing.

"Then you breathe again, two times. Edward, do you understand?" I quickly nodded as I leaned down to Bella again. "Alice, what are you doing?"

I didn't look, I breathed twice for the corpse.

"I saw this downstairs Edward," Alice said. "Did she drink too much? Does she have alcohol poisoning?"

I glared at the place where my hands began pounding on her heart and I began counting.

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, how much did she drink?"

I didn't look up. "Roofies."

"Edward?" he asked.

"Rosalie put Roofies in the tequila bottle. Bella drank it."

"Right," he said. "Edward, keep doing that. Never stop. I'll be right back."

_Never stop._

I reached thirty and breathed twice afterwards. Then I began again. I did this for minutes, but her face just kept getting whiter and her body began to look just more and more of a corpse. She felt so cold. Each time I felt her lips on mine they just felt colder.

_What have I done? Why did I let the girl drink the tequila? Why is Rosalie a bigger fuck up that I am?_

Behind me I heard the last people I wanted to hear.

"Shit!" said Jessica.

"Is he pumping her heart?" asked Lauren, her voice filled with incredulity.

"Fuck!" called Tanya.

"Edward?"

I winced. "Shut. Up." I didn't look at her. I couldn't look at Rosalie, because if I saw her face, I was going to kill her.

My pounding was slower and instead I gave her one breath of air instead of the two I was supposed to give her. Carlisle burst into the room as well.

_She isn't breathing and she has no beat. What's the use? This damn shit isn't working._

I pounded a bit slower.

"Rosalie Cullen," he said slowly. "Did you put something in that bottle of tequila?"

And then I stopped breathing for her all together. I just pounded her heart, slowly. At some point I think the rate I was giving her was twenty pumps each minute.

_Instead of one hundred._

"It... Did she... Is she...?" Rosalie's voice was _very _nervous. I glanced back and her eyes were on Bella's face. I looked at that face as well and saw how much happier she seemed.

I blinked, but saw that her face still seemed calm, peaceful and happy.

Her life was only filled with crap. She died on the early age of eighteen.

"Uh... Uh... I-uh..." Rosalie stammered.

"Right now, Rosalie, I need to know right now," Carlisle ordered.

"Roofies," she mumbled.

Carlisle remained quiet again and when I looked up, he had his phone on his ear. I could see on his face that he was thinking.

_He doesn't know the drug. And the idiot calls himself a doctor._

"She means Rohypnol. Roofies is slang for Rohypnol. It's-"

He cut me off. "I need a shot of point five Flumazenil," Carlisle said smoothly through the phone. "She took Rohypnol with alcohol. It's been seven minutes, Marcus, if not longer. Be quick."

He brought the phone down and glanced at the girls behind me.

"I do not have time to chitchat about the what's and how's. That will come after that girl is stabilized."

He took a deep breath.

"When alcohol is combined with Rohypnol, it could cause death. It's a lethal combination. What I want to know is how much pills and what doses you put in that bottle."

I stopped pounding.

_She drank lethal tequila._

"A full bottle..." Tanya answered. "I don't know the doses..."

"Five milligrams," Jessica replied.

"Twenty-five pills..." Lauren whispered.

"Edward, how much did she drink? Edward, don't stop! Remember thirty beats and two breaths. Come on, Edward."

"She's dead," I replied.

"Not until I call it," he replied. "Edward, if you do not continue-"

"Fine," I snapped. I quickly picked up a bit of the pace, but I couldn't go any faster.

"Around three shots I guess," I answered his previous question. "That should be ninety millilitres."

Carlisle brought his phone back to his ear. "Marcus. If my calculation is right she's had fifteen milligrams of Rohypnol with ninety millilitres of tequila. Perhaps-" He stopped as he nodded. "Exactly, a shot of point ten is better."

_Alien, he was talking alien to Marcus._

"Carlisle, is she gonna live?"

He didn't answer me.

"Carlisle!"

"Edward, you keep humping hard and breathing deeply for her. If you cannot handle that, Emmett will take over."

Somebody appeared at Bella's feet and leaned down as well. I saw Esme put a blanket over her feet and legs, and she pulled it up until it reached her waist. She kept her eyes on the blanket and slowly placed her hands on Bella's feet, holding them over the blanket. That's when I noticed how her lips were moving a little. She was saying a prayer for Bella.

"What happened?" I heard Jasper ask.

"_God_," Emmett said.

Now practically all the family was here. One big happy family.

_Shut the fuck up, Edward._

Carlisle wasn't kidding. He was seconds away from telling Emmett to take over from me as Carlisle was talking through to phone.

For one more time I looked at Bella. Her calm and peaceful face made me want to let her go. Her life had been a misery. But I couldn't let her go like this. She couldn't die while she didn't even get to live.

So I leaned down and gave her two firm breaths of my own, giving her finally some air. Then I humped hard as if it was my own life.

"Not today, Bella. You ain't dying today."

As the voices around me were nothing more then buzzes, I kept my eyes on my job.

_It's all you can do._

Carlisle opened her eyes and shone a light in it. He pinched her on some places of her body.

He picked up his phone from the ground and began talking.

These words I did hear.

"No pupil reaction and unresponsive to pain," Carlisle said. "How far are we, Marcus? Is the ambulance sent? I need that shot now. She's-"

I zoned out so I wouldn't hear the rest. I kept eyes on my hands as I did the only thing I could.

_You won't die on my watch._

~#~


	17. Guilty

**_Disclaimer: Not my characters._**

**A/N: **I've had exams and then burned out and slept through my days. Now I've got more free time again :). Next update will be somewhere afer the first week of July, because I'm going to Edinburgh for a six days :D

Enjoy reading!

* * *

**Guilty**

"Get them out of here," I told Esme in my calmest voice I could compose.

"What?" she asked confusedly. I didn't look at her, but I knew that she didn't understand what I was talking about.

"Those girls," I mumbled. "Jessica, Lauren, Tanya and Rosalie."Throw them out of this room." I glanced up at her.

Her eyebrows were furrowed as she watched me intently.

"Edward, what are you not telling me?"

"A lot. But right now I have a corpse beneath my hands and with them in the same room, I feel like I have to debate whether to keep performing CPR on Bella or murder your daughter and her friends."

"Okay, Edward, okay, I understand," Esme said quickly, pulling herself up.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Yes, you are upset," she said. "I'll ask Emmett to take over from you."

I glared at her head, but she was already by Emmett's side.

He and I got eye contact.

I dared him to even take a step toward me.

"Edward, let me take over." He had walked all the way to me and was crouching by her other side.

"Piss off," I said. I leaned down to her lips.

"Edward..."

He looked up at him. "I was trying. And I sucked big time. I insulted her and humiliated her, while all that time, she was drinking herself to death. You know what you could do for me, Emmett?"

He nodded his head once.

"Get them girls out of here," I hissed. "They did this to her. I can't do much for her right now, except hump her heart and breathe air in her lungs, but if she could talk right now, I know that she wouldn't want them in here. It's her dignity I'm saving here."

"Edward," he said. "I get it." I looked back down so I could concentrate harder. "She's going to pull through this. You know that, right?"

I shook my head. "I know nothing."

"Move, everybody."

I glanced up at Carlisle's sudden demand.

"Why?" Emmett asked.

"It's the antagonist," Carlisle said. He pushed a needle in her arm and slowly let the fluid get inside her vein. "The ambulance is here. We need to take her downstairs."

I picked her up and made sure her head stayed a little up and began walking out of the room as fast as I could.

"Edward!" Emmett and Carlisle both called.

"She needs to get down, that's what you said," I snapped. I shot out of the room and went down where indeed an ambulance was standing in front of the house.

"How long?" one of the ambulance members called.

"Too long," I said angrily.

The door opened and I stepped in and placed her on the bed inside the ambulance.

"I gave her the point ten shot," Carlisle said calmly. "No pulse or breathing for eleven minutes. No pupil reaction."

Eleven minutes. She's dead.

"Paddles," one of the ambulance people called.

"Yes," Carlisle said. I stepped away and looked as he rubbed the paddles on each other and placed one on her side and one on her chest. "Charge to one hundred."

"Charged to one hundred."

"Clear," Carlisle said.

I flinched when her whole body jerked.

One of the staff members used a stethoscope and placed it on her heart. She nodded her head.

"Weak and irregular, but we've got a beat. How's her breathing?"

"It's there."

Carlisle glanced at me.

"Edward, she's out of the critical zone."

I breathed air. I never knew that breathing could be so difficult. But I was drowning myself in breathing air as Carlisle told me that.

I walked backwards in the ambulance and pressed my back on the side of the van.

"Edward?"

"What?"

I couldn't stop looking at her.

"You need to tell me what happened."

"If you beat me, I don't know."

"Edward."

I glanced at Carlisle. I just saw her die. Did he want me to give him a full report now?

"Rohypnol is an illegal medicine," he said.

"I know."

"How did Rosalie get it in her possession? Did you give it to her?"

I glared at the man. "There are many things I give shit about, but I don't rape. I don't need fucking raping pills."

The ambulance made a sharp turn.

"Rohypnol is also a sleeping medicine, Edward. The fact that when you combine it with alcohol and the person gets drowsy, just happens to be a bad side effect. That's why it's illegal, because the drug often is abused."

"By fucking rapists," I snapped.

"Were you there when she drank that tequila?"

The ambulance halted. The two women grabbed Bella's stretcher and lifted her.

_Don't drop her._

"Yes, I was there," I quickly muttered when I got close to him so only he would hear. "She grabbed the bottle, she drank it, and she continued drinking it until I forced her to stop. There were reasons why I wanted her to drink that tequila, but they left when I realized I couldn't fuck her like other girls."

I quickly walked past Carlisle and walked behind the doctors that had gathered and put Bella on a different stretcher.

"Will she make it?" I asked, turning around and glancing at Carlisle.

I could see in his eyes he wasn't happy with what I told him, but I just stared until he answered my question.

"Time will tell, Edward."

"I won't wait here, Carlisle, to watch how she dies."

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't know what will happen. Now it is up to Bella and her body to survive on its own. We have to give her time."

Time, huh? "I'm getting drunk."

I grabbed Carlisle's phone out of his pocket and called a cab.

My phone was still somewhere on the ground at home.

"Some would go to a bar to get drunk," Carlisle said from behind me.

"Fuck off," I told him.

"I'll put her in my prayers, Edward."

"You do that," I said sarcastically.

Why wasn't anybody picking up their phone? I wanted a damn cab.

"Carlisle!"

He and I turned to the call and saw another doctor with his hand on the door.

"Swan is coding. We need you."

With no goodbye, he ran toward the doctor and disappeared through another pair of doors.

Coding? Was she dead again? Would she make it?

"Excuse me sir, no further excess from here."

I glared at the little man, but I didn't know how I suddenly stood in front of these doors that separated the waiting people from the ones that were being in intensive care.

I must have been walking without my own notice.

"Tell Carlisle to find me when he's done there."

"Dr. Cullen?"

"Yes," I snapped. "Tell him I'm in the waiting room."

I turned around and dropped myself in a chair. The room was filled with anxious people.

Talking nervously.

Touching each other.

Reassuring one another.

Crying.

_Fucking quit it._

These people were insane.

_Will she live?_

That question went through probably all these people's head right now.

~#~

Not again. Please, not again. Why again?

A woman, a nurse with no doubt, stood by my side, pressing on some button on a machine.

I was in a hospital.

"Welcome back, Isabella. You gave us quite a fright there."

"What happened?" I asked.

What happened?

I couldn't really remember.

"Let's just wait for the doctor to arrive, he'll be here soon."

I closed my eyes in frustration and tried to find a pain or something that would explain the reason for my stay here. But there was no pain. I felt drowsy and a little nauseated.

"Thank you, Jane."

I heard Dr. Cullen's voice. I could never forget that voice. Somehow, it was also still fresh in

my mind... as if I had heard it, only hours ago.

"Bella, I see you're awake."

"What happened?"

_Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?_

Dr. Cullen grabbed a chart and looked through it. "Do you remember anything?"

"I don't know..." I mumbled.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

I thought back and remembered being with Edward in the car.

I closed my eyes.

"Bella?"

"I remember Edward. I was in the car with him."

"Anything else?"

I shook my head.

"That's quite alright," he said with a smile. "As your doctor I want to tell you that there is no brain damage whatsoever. I cannot tell you what exactly happened and why, but I do know that there had been slipped an illegal medicine inside a tequila bottle, which you drank from. The two combined are lethal."

I dropped my head on the pillow. I couldn't believe it. I was given something lethal? By Edward? Did he know?

"It pains me that it took this for the truth to be in the open and that my children, the one I trusted, have caused you so much harm for all those years."

He grabbed a chair and sat on it, but I shifted my eyes away from him so I didn't have to look at him.

I knew I hadn't misheard him, but I couldn't allow myself to believe it just yet.

"They seem so terribly ill, ill in the head. You've been through too much, Bella. I cannot even tell you how much I wish that I could change the past."

"No," I croaked. "You didn't do anything. It was them."

"Even then..." he mumbled.

"How do you even know?"

"They admitted. They... What happened last night was a crime, almost criminal and they've been put in jail."

"_What_?" I shrieked.

"I know," he said with a bitter laugh.

"But who, exactly?" I asked unsure.

"Tanya, Jessica and Lauren were the ones that had the medicine. Rosalie and Edward were the ones that actually made sure that you got it in you. It's those two that probably will also get most of the punishment."

They're in jail. For probably a long time.

_Oh my God._

But now that they were actually behind the bars, I wanted to ask them that question just one more time.

"Can I see them?"

x.x.x

Carlisle, that's what I called him now, went crazy at that request, but he brought me to the police station. I hadn't seen Charlie yet, nor had I heard from Renée, and I actually liked to keep it that way.

However, Carlisle had told me that they both knew, so I called Renée with Carlisle's phone and then I called Charlie to let him know I was on my way to the police station.

"Here it is."

I glanced at the big station. Pretty big for such a small town.

"You don't have to come in too," I said, glancing back at him. "I'll be fine."

I wasn't sure what I was doing here. It was strange, to know that this station was where my father worked, but behind these bars, several formal bullies stood behind. All I really wanted now was to know what happened.

So I stepped inside and walked to a police officer that sat behind a computer.

"Uh, hello? Can I ask a question?"

The man looked up and he seemed rather young. "Of course."

"Well, I wanted to know if I can visit a few people here... that are in prison?"

"Name?"

"Cullen."

"Would that be Rosalie or Edward Cullen?"

"Uh... What, are they separated or something?"

The man only nodded.

"I don't really know..."

I didn't want to speak to neither of them alone. But... I came here to get some answers.

"Edward then."

The man stood up and walked me through a long hallway that led me to a thick, closed door. The officer unlocked it and opened the door.

When he stepped inside, I slowly followed and saw Edward sitting on a chair with his head hung between his knees.

"Five minutes," he only said and gave us complete privacy.

That is, if you didn't count the camera's and other recorders in the room.

Edward did not look up and I shifted nervously around. I still felt the after effects of the lethal combination I had been given. And with that nauseated feeling, I asked him to only thing I could think of.

"You didn't give it on purpose, did you?"

He raised his head and his eyes watched me tiredly, his eyes shifting around my body and face.

"Did they do it on purpose... to me?"

He nodded.

"Oh..."

"I didn't know," he said. His voice sounded rough. "But I should have."

I shook my head. "I'm not really sure why all this keeps happening to me, but what I do know, is that I can't take much more. It's a good thing all of you are here. Maybe you are right and innocent for what happened with the tequila, but you're guilty for..."

"...everything else," he finished.

"I'm sorry but... I really can't feel pity for you. I can't sympathize. I see these bars and I'm glad you're in there."

Because finally I feel safe. And finally I feel like I don't have to fear you.

His eyes held mine tightly, but they didn't scare me, now that he was in there and I was here.

"Besides, you won't be in here forever," I said with a shrug. "A day or two, right?"

He laughed. Only laughed.

"Right?" I asked. I didn't know how everything worked and what the police would do. Would it be a matter where lawyers would be involved? Would there even be a judge and real punishments?

"No, I don't think so," he said.

"What will happen?"

He shrugged.

"But don't you care?"

"No."

I sighed. "You not still... suicidal... right?"

He laughed and I sighed again. I meant that as a serious question.

"What happened?"

"That's not important."

"Please... You're the only one who knows. I want to know what happened."

For a moment, he only looked and I dropped my eyes.

"At first, I thought you were drunk," he said slowly. "But you collapsed. Then Rosalie, Lauren, Tanya and Jessica entered the room and they said they put Roofies in that tequila bottle."

I scowled and he watched me carefully, until he laughed humourlessly.

"From the look on your face, you don't know what Roofies are."

I shook my head.

"Sleeping pills. But combined with alcohol, it-"

"Becomes lethal, I know. Your dad already told me."

"Yes, that too," he muttered. "But more importantly, combined with alcohol, it turns the body numb in minutes and the mind a mess the next day. You don't remember anything from last night, do you?"

"I don't," I said while shaking my head.

"Well, there you have it," he said. "It's the perfect pill to use for rape."

"What? No..."

"I didn't... Fuck, Bella, I didn't do that to you."

His voice didn't carry anger, just dissapoinment.

I shook my head quickly. "That's not what I thought. But, they mixed those two with some reason, right?"

He didn't answer me, but again only kept his eyes on me.

"What happened then?" I asked. My voice sounded dead.

"I brought you to my room and at some time you fell asleep. I couldn't really tell when. You had a bad dream somewhere in the morning, but when I tried to wake you, you died instead."

I widened my eyes. "What do you mean, I died? And how did you know I had a bad dream?"

"You were moaning and twisting and talking in your sleep. And then you died."

"Then what happened?" I whispered.

"Carlisle showed me how to perform CPR on you. He tried to figure out what exactly happened. He ordered the right antagonist and when you got that in your system, the ambulance drove you to the hospital. All I know is you coded and obviously, Carlisle managed to get your heart working again."

"And then?"

"I don't know. I was brought here by a few police officers."

Even though my eyes were on him, I tried to think back if I could remember any of this. The answer was sadly no. I had to take Edward's word for it.

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

My eyes shifted every so lightly to his green, tired eyes.

"I told you they wouldn't hurt you, not with me around you. Turns out they did."

"I didn't believe you anyway," I said sadly.

He chuckled. "Good girl."

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurted out.

"Why?" he asked deadly.

"Yes. Just tell me why. The truth."

Because he insulted me after he kissed me.. That I still knew. He said he was curious, and that kissing me wasn't much fun.

It shouldn't have mattered to me, but still, it broke my heart.

"I don't know," he simply said.

I glanced at the door, the exit door. Maybe my time here was up.

And I was crazy for being here.

"Come over here."

I looked at him with wide eyes. Even though the distance between us was large, and he was still seated on that chair, I knew that I was never able to take a step closer toward him.

"Come on," he said, standing up and walking to the bars. He put his arms through them and leaned his lower arms against the bars that were placed horizontally against the vertical bars.

I shook my head.

"I won't hurt you."

That I've heard before.

And today I was not going to believe him.

"Maybe you will," I said with a little tremor in my voice.

"You're afraid of the wrong person," he said. "If I were you, my fear would be pointed toward Rosalie and her friends. They hate you. They're lethal."

He scowled and then shook his head.

"But I can't tell you why, because I don't know why they hate you."

I opened my mouth, but then shut it. I was about to ask Edward advice. I wanted to ask him what to do. I was at a loss. And I didn't know which way I had to turn.

"You're looking pondering," he eventually said.

"Yeah..." You noticed that correctly.

"What else do you need to know?"

I watched him carefully. But then I shrugged. "Nothing really."

"Well, good luck with everything," he said, turning back around and sitting again on that chair.

"You too," I muttered.

Before I could change my mind, I said the words as fast as I could.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"About?"

"...everything, really..."

The corner of his mouth went up a little. But then he shrugged with one shoulder.

"That's up to you."

"But I'm asking you."

He laughed a little. "You could do anything, honey. Anything you want. But that will give you just one more question to find the answer of."

"What's that?" I asked curiously.

Again he stood up and stopped before the bars.

"What do you want, Bella Swan?"

I blinked. And all words in my throat got stuck.

What did I want?

I wanted the past to stop haunting me.

But as something in Edward's eyes changed, I dropped my eyes, because I was scared that my face was showing him what I truly wanted.

With no goodbye, I left the room as fast as I could.

Everything felt unrealistic to me. It was like this wasn't my life to live. It felt like I was an outsider, watching Bella Swan from a distance.

I was too confused to know how to get what I wanted.

There was only one thing I was sure of.

Edward's opinion mattered. As did his judgement. And his advice.

It didn't know why and I didn't know since when, but I knew it did.


End file.
